Seek first to understand

An online friend I’m fond of was trying to explain to me the depths of prostitution.
The oldest form of trade.
Although I tried very hard to grasp his perspective of this controversial issue, I was squinting at my monitor screen.
I responded, “It feels like everything is laid out before me, but I just can’t seem to SEE it.”
The conversation came to an unsatisfactory ending.

Days later, I read a book review which wouldn’t have caught my attention had I not discussed the earlier issue;

Call Me Elizabeth by Dawn Annandale.
A mother in her 30s, who turn to prostitution to get out of debts and to provide a comfortable lifestyle for her family.

• Some of my regulars were single men just looking for fun, but I’d realized by now that, as I’d initially suspected, there was a large group of nice, normal men who, for one reason or another, were simply incredibly lonely.
• ...Their loneliness I could understand – it can be difficult to meet someone if you work long hours all week, particularly if you live in London where no one looks at each other, let alone initiates a conversation.
• …Everyone needs attention in life - and I don’t just mean sexual attention.
• …I knew from the start that it wasn’t me that they enjoyed being with so much; it was the attention I gave them, and that could have come from another woman just as well. It should have come from their wives, and so easily could have- a home-cooked meal now and then, ten minutes’ worth of feigned interest in their husbands’ work, a blow job once a week- but it didn’t.
• …to be honest, a husband does sometimes leave his wife for a call girl.
• …there were times when I almost wanted to leave them a note. ‘Alert: your husband is having sex with a call girl on a regular basis. Give him a bit of attention before it’s too late’
• …Steve told me about he pressures of his job, and how lonely he was in his personal life. All his old friends were married with kids, and he didn’t have the energy at night to go out and meet new people. It was clearly company he was mostly after; the sex was almost an afterthought. We did have sex – the usual routine- but it was just a small part of the evening, rather that its focus.
• …Poor man. He was successful, well off and single, and his way of coping with his loneliness was to drink beer and book me. I was really glad for him when, after about seven months, he told me he’d met a girl. He was rather apologetic, almost as if he was dumping me. I told him he didn’t need to feel guilty, or worry about me. I said I was thrilled for him, and really hoped it worked out. Apart from the practical fact that I’d lost a good client, I genuinely meant it.
• … ‘I just feel terrible, terribly guilty about it, but I’m desperate for some sex.’
  ‘Of course you are, it doesn’t mean you don’t love your wife. You’re just a normal man with a sex drive.’ “I love her so much, I’ve never been unfaithful before, it’s just been so long…”, he looked at me so gratefully it was clear he had very little physical contact with human beings. Sometimes, he didn’t’ want sex at all and we just chatted. And every time I visited, night after night, he had always bought me a little gift.

When facts are put out like this before my eyes, I’d begin to doubt my beliefs and might believe my doubts.

Anaïs Nin:
We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.
Harold Nicolson:
We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others, by their acts
Isaac Asimov:
[W]hen people thought the Earth was flat, they were wrong. When people thought the Earth was spherical they were wrong. But if you think that thinking the Earth is spherical is just as wrong as thinking the Earth is flat, then your view is wronger than both of them put together.
Phil Collins:

They just don’t trust what they can’t explain
I know we’re different but, deep inside us
We’re not that different at all