Saturday, December 29, 2012


My colleague from a different department got me this little water container for Christmas. She knew that I'd have some use for it as I'm always bringing my glass to the staff lounge which is 2 floors down from my own department. The strap will make it more convenient for me. My palms will be free to carry/ do other stuff too! 
I'm going to start to be more observant of other people's habit, likes + dislikes, birthdays.. etc.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

There's an old guy from another department whom I always meet at the staff lounge.
We've chatted several times and I thought we had a rapport.
Until today.

I was attending a line of people when he suddenly just dropped a few books at the counter.
I told him in a serious tone that he has to queue like everyone else.
His demeanour changed and told me a bunch of excuses that has nothing to do with the fact that he is unwilling to wait for his turn, unlike everyone else.
Yelling from the exit, he even instructed me to call him if there were any problems.
I've heard rumours about his unprofessional behaviour before, but I never allowed them to shape my opinion of him.
Well, I guess today I can.

Not long after, a very snobbish department head came to return his books.
It's a he, but I'm calling him - Biatch !
There were so so many incidents in the past of his rudeness but I always smile at him whenever I see him, though he never reciprocated. Yes, he thinks he's that 'great'.
Gosh ! I was so mad today!
I almost decided to never again acknowledge the above people, when suddenly I recall the previous post, Project Forgive

Inhale.
Exhale.
I shall forgive.
Myself.
I will smile to those people again.
It's for Me.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Project Forgive

When I'm depressed, the past crept up to me and fill me with guilt.
Some justifiable, but mostly are exaggerated, to the point of nonsensical.
Depression and guilt are powerful partners in making sure I'm miserable.

Currently, I'm trying out a new method of forgiving myself, letting go of the past by forgiving others.
Each time I forgive others, I'm entitled to absolve one guilt of my past.

Today, when I was ordering my salad in the cafeteria, I emphasized that I wanted the sauce to be served separately.
I can't stand the amount of sauce they put in, therefore wanted to put the amount I want myself.
The usual cafe attendant would get it right, but this new one didn't.
I got very upset at first- even considered to insist that he take it back to the kitchen and get it right.
But no.
"Let it go." - my mind whispered.

The agitation was still lingering as I futilely tried to remove the mountain of sauce in my salad.
I began to recall all those times when I got the orders wrong back when I was a waitress years ago.
(gosh, dated so long that I'm embarrassed to type it here)
Most of the customers ''let it go'' too.

It's time, I let things go.
One at a time.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

The parents who made their son's wheelchair into the best Halloween costume ever

The terminally ill man who loves receiving mail... and got more than he ever expected. Scott Widak has Down syndrome and suffers from liver disease, and he loves receiving mail. His nephew Sean posted his P.O. Box on Reddit and the site's users responded with hundreds of letters, packages, and gifts.

A kind stranger who stopped a day from being ruined

The doctor who offered free medical care after Hurricane Sandy
And the people that helped out any way that they could

Hospital employees make a human chain passing containers of fuel up 13 flights of stairs to the backup generator at Bellevue Hospital in New York City.
 

This Libyan child who doesn't believe in hate

The police officer who bought shoes for a barefoot homeless man.

And the police officers who made blind 13-year-old Gage Hancock-Stevens' dream of being a cop come true

The Texas A&M students that blocked Westboro Baptist Church protesters with a human wall.When students heard that Westboro Baptist Church planned on protesting the funeral of a soldier, they formed a human barricade around the funeral service to block them out.





When John Unger had suicidal thoughts after a breakup, it was his dog Shoep who brought him back from the brink. This photograph shows Unger cradling his friend in lake Superior to soothe the dog's arthritis.


Friday, December 14, 2012

Edited from FB.
There was a charity programme for orphans and I was therewith my friends.
I witness something very special.
I was seated at the very back of the hall, where there were about 20 to 25 orphans seated nearby.
A little boy caught my attention as he was making noise.
He was hungry and begged a volunteer for a piece of biscuit.
He was given the whole packet.
Although it contained no more than 15 to 20 biscuits, the little boy face lit up with great joy.
I thought he would eat all the biscuits in one go, but to my great surprise, he gave them to all of his friends. They were all hungry but each of them got at least half a piece of biscuit.
However, there weren't any left for him.
I think he anticipated this.
I thought he would start to cry, but surprisingly, he smiled at his friends who were happily munching the biscuits.
An older boy, carried this small kid on his lap and gave him a biscuit -(which was given to him earlier).
The little boy broke the biscuit into two and shared it with the older boy.
They hugged each other and said nothing.
This pic shows the kid playing with the older boy.
" Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the harmony of contrasts. "

Sunday, December 09, 2012

Armless student Suo Pengfei takes the national college entrance examination in Handan, North China's Hebei province, June 7, 2010. Suo lost his arms when he was a child, but he learned to dress and undress himself, eat, and write with his toes, Xinhua reportedfrom chinadaily

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Taken from DeeBear from http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/blog/1378/entry-21644-beware-whinny-venting-ahead/

I've had lots of time to think about it, and I came to the conclusion that living with depression is like walking a tightrope over a giant dry well.  If you look back too far, you fall.  If you look forward too far, you fall.  But if you concentrate on one step at a time, you can stay on that wire a little longer.

And when you fall, you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel because it's not there.  You see the light high above your head, and wonder how you'll ever climb back out.  It only takes a moment to fall, but it takes a long time to climb back out.  I guess the trick is to leave yourself footholds as you climb out to make it easier the next time.  It's always a struggle though, climbing out, and while it's hard knowing you've been here before, and that you'll be here again, there is another way to look at it.  Try to take comfort in knowing you've been here before and gotten out before, and that this time is no different.  That's the "footholds" I use to help me remember how to get out.

Another thing is to allow yourself to rest.  Climbing back out is hard, and you don't want to be where you are, but resting and building up strength is often necessary before attempting the climb.  Resting to build up your strength and courage is an important step, though it's hard to do when you're down in that hole.  I firmly believe that people who've never been down in that hole couldn't handle it.  It takes an enormous amount of strength and courage to live with depression, to survive all it throws at you.  Many people don't have that strength.  Look back, remember you've always made it through, and that you'll make it through this.

"Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome."
  --  Booker T. Washington

Friday, November 30, 2012

Me = Do you think the sightings are real? A lot of people believe so...
Colleague = Well, when people give so much attention and energy into them, how can it not be real?
Me = *in deep thought...
I immediately thought of my own blog tag line above, how I'm constantly feeding the negative energy.
How can they not become me?

Monday, November 26, 2012

HOPE survives

There's a Professor whom I always meet at the staff lounge, simply because both of us enjoy spending our break time at the place very much.
We were watching the news, and I commented just how amazing some people are in coping with their life obstacles.
"If I were in her shoes, I'd just lie there and cry in pain," I honestly lamented.

The Professor immediately shook her head in disagreement.
"No. You say that because you're currently not in that situation. Look where you are now, I'm sure you had your share of obstacles and yet, here you are."
I was quite taken aback with her response and digested her words in reverie.
She continued, "People have very strong survival instincts. Remember that."
She even gave examples of some famous survival stories ; how people will resort to eating human flesh and faeces just to live a little longer.
The survivors held on to HOPE.
"And I believe, so as long as you continue to hope, you will find the means of survival," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

My birthday gifts.
I feel bad that I didn't do much for these gift-givers on THEIR birthday... so ... embarrassed.
Thanks Eli and Nemo... for the very thoughtful gifts...
As I've said earlier, I really need some of your sweet nature to rub off on me.
I'm too thoughtless.
Eli asked me, "Did you think you would have done so much this time last year?"
The truth is, I answered that question with my birthday wish, this year.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I wanted to take photos during my run, but I had no camera with me. I hope I will never forget how beautiful the bridge looked at 4am, approximately 800m before I went aboard... How it immediately lifted my spirits and my running pace. So, I shall borrow this professionally taken photo above.
 This was taken at the middle of the bridge, by sis' cheap camera... it's the only one available which signifies how I felt during the run.
I walked the last 3km of my 21km with sour face, which I now deeply regret. My muscle at the thighs were aching really bad, all the way to the hips and I was imagining the worse. I thought that I might have pushed myself too hard, causing a permanent injury. Today, 3 days later, I'm pleased to report that my legs feel fine, nothing besides the ordinary post-running aches. ^_^
The best thing about long runs are the inspirational people running with you...
Quite surprised to have found such lovely dedication from the book below..

we couldn't resist taking a photo of a much thinner looking reflection from the convex mirror.... ah.. such vanity..

Friday, November 16, 2012

my sis got this snack for me.
to remind us of the happier childhood times in Penang


Pushed myself to go to this Deepavali open house my colleague invited me to.
Was very unsure at first, but am glad I finally made it.
Bought Ferrero chocs as gifts and saw a couple of familiar faces.
Was amazed how linguistically talented her family is, they switch effortlessly from Chinese-English-Tamil-Malay as if they are ONE language.

But the fact that some of the kids would rather play with their parents' tablet than to go out to play fireworks DISTURBS me.
I think the fireworks got me more excited than most kids.
80s kid...

Monday, November 12, 2012

FB Story

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty.
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?
(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil?
Student does not answer.

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?
Student has no answer.

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.

Thursday, November 08, 2012

FB story

It was September 25, 2000. Maricel Apatan was an 11-year old girl in Zamboanga. On that day, this little girl went with her uncle to draw water. Along the way, four men met them. They were carrying long knives. They told her uncle to face down on the ground, and they hacked him on the neck and killed him. Maricel was in total shock, especially that the men were their neighbors. She tried to escape, but the men ran after her. She cried, “Kuya, ‘wag po, ‘wag n’yo akong tagain! Maawa po kayo sa akin!” (“Don’t kill me! Have mercy on me!”) But they weren’t listening. With a long knife, a man slashed her on the neck too.

Maricel fell to the ground and lost consciousness. When she woke up, she saw a lot of blood. She also saw the feet of the men around her, but she pretended to be dead. When they walked away, Maricel ran back home. But along the way, she saw that both her hands were falling off. Because the men hacked them too. She cried but she kept running. Sometimes, she would faint and fall to the ground. But she’d regain consciousness and run again. When she was near her home, Maricel called her mother. Upon seeing her daughter, her mother screamed in terror. She wrapped her bloodied child in a blanket and carried her to the hospital.

Here was the problem: From her house to the highway, it was a 12-kilometer walk. It took them 4 hours just to reach the highway. When they arrived in the hospital, the doctors thought Maricel was going to die. But for 5 hours, they operated on her. It took 25 stitches to stitch together the long knife wound in her neck and back. Maricel barely survived. And she lost both of her hands. Ironically, the next day was Maricel’s birthday. She was 12 years old. But tragedy didn’t end there. When they went home, they saw their home was gone. It was ransacked and burned down by the goons. Being very poor, Maricel’s family also didn’t have P50,000 for their hospital bills. But God sent many angels along the way to help them. Archbishop Antonio Ledesma, a distant relative, paid for hospital bills and helped them bring the criminals to court. They were sentenced to prison.

Today, she’s staying with the nuns at Regina Rosarii with Sr. Eppie Brasil, O.P. But this is the incredible miracle. Instead of staying down, Maricel kept running. Instead of cursing God why she had no hands, she now uses her wrists in incredible ways that will boggle your mind. Maricel Apatan Maricel was cited as the most industrious, best in computer, and most courteous in the School for Crippled Children. In 2008, she graduated from a course in Hotel and Restaurant Management. She even received a Gold medal for Arts and Crafts. In 2011, she finished her education to be a chef. Yes, a Chef without hands. Nothing can stop this young lady from reaching her dreams

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

The topic on the radio was about people living with colon cancer.
How they would pass motion, having to carry a bag of their own waste ...
How other illness will most likely occur...

Later, I was having lunch in a coffeeshop when I noticed a rather peculiar teenage boy.
He's definitely not homeless but there was an obvious troubled expression on him.
He went table to table asking something, but everyone turned away.
He came to my table, "Can I ask you something, Miss?"
I turned away.
He even offered a handshake, "My name is ..., what is yours?"
I didn't look at him.
He walked away.

There is just too much sadness in this world.

The ideas are in the air. If you clean the brain, they come to you