Friday, August 30, 2013

“We are you."
“We are the madness that lurks within you all, begging to be free at every moment in your deepest animal mind."
“We are what you hide from in your beds every night.
We are what you sedate into silence and paralysis when you go to the nocturnal haven where we cannot tread."

 Speaks the madness from the-russian-sleep-experiment

Friday, August 23, 2013

At uncle's funeral.

My cousin who has been battling with cancer for some time now, looked better than he did the last time.
My father gave him some words of encouragement in our Hakka family dialect.
"You look great. So good to see you in this well. Chin up, you must outlive your uncles. *laugh laugh laugh"
My cousin must have felt very overwhelmed by the crowd of good humour around him, he broke down in slight tears.
My father firmly patted his both arms.
He returned the gesture.
**some men just can't hug**

It's was touching as it can get.

On a different note, I received some attention too due to my weight loss.
There's mental illness hereditary  lineage in the family tree and my relatives are all very familiar with the symptoms and effects.
Therefore, they were shocked to see me at my current weight.
Also, I was actually reading a book.
My concentration level had been deeply affected and it's only recently that I'm able to read a chapter without much difficulty.

Oh, nobody wanted to talk to me of course.
They just talked about me.

“Men go to far greater lengths to avoid what they fear than to obtain what they desire.”
 ― Dan Brown, The Da Vinci Code

Mother Teresa at the age of 18.
 "Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love"

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Zumba again.
It's so fun that I'm willing to stay back till 10pm.
And I was just among the many who felt it was worth it.

As I was shaking my bon bon, the charismatic instructor danced by my side.
I caught a glimpse of the mirror how both of us were grinning and obviously enjoying ourselves.
At that very moment, I recalled my childhood friend, Ah S.
I had a lot of good childhood memories with him.
The instructor reminded me of him.

Ah S and I no longer keep in touch.
But I know both of us have gone through a lot since we last met.

Monday, August 19, 2013

If a person knows his own value, he need not worry about what other people think,
so it is important to know, because only the ego is dependent on the opinions of others.
The ego has to compromise to look good, but the true self does not.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

After my night gym classes, I'm always excited to purchase pastries in a high-end bakery at marked-down prices .
*to upkeep their freshness, the bakery clears off their pastries at 50% off their usual price one hour before closing time *

The full price would be too exorbitant for my budget.
I was behind a family in the queue.
The mother asked her child in a stroller what he wanted.
It was then that I noticed this child is no longer a toddler but much older.
Though he couldn't enunciate his words well, his mother understood what pastries he wanted.

My heart wrenched.

Monday, August 12, 2013

There are only two types of people: one, who escape from their loneliness.
The majority, the ninety-nine point nine percent, who escape from themselves;
 and the remaining point one percent is the meditator,
who says,
 "If loneliness is a truth, then it is a truth;
 then there is no point in running away from it.
 It is better to go into it, encounter it, see it face to face, what it is.
" Meditation means going into your loneliness wholeheartedly, to discover it, to investigate into it, to inquire into it.
 That´s what meditation is all about.

Taken from OSHO India

Monday, August 05, 2013

gratitude

"New Shoes" by Gerald Waller, Austria 1946.

Six year-old Werfel, living in an orphanage in Austria, hugs a new pair of shoes given to him by the American Red Cross.
This photo was published by Life magazine.

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Saturday, August 03, 2013


Years ago, I attended a Talk on anxiety by a psychiatrist.
He ended his talk by quoting a phrase he saw in a car park payment machine.
He wanted to ensure us that things will get better.
"Remember, Change is Possible", he said.

Today, I saw this machine myself.
Went to TEDxKL.
This is Redhongyi's work.
Made from Malaysia's national food - Nasi Lemak.

Thursday, August 01, 2013

facebook stuff


Twin brothers born in Spain joined hands shortly after birth, and the nurses recorded the moment.
 The left baby was like, "Sweeeeeet"
 The right baby was like, "Woooh! Stress!"
 And they're both like, "But we made it, buddy!"

 Delivered by Caesarean section at a hospital in Gipuzkoa, Danel and Maria were placed alongside each other in an incubator when the twins grabbed a hold of each other.
“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.” ~Iyanla Vanzant
Taken from Sumitha Bhandarkar

 1. Be authentic.
Drop pretenses just to please someone else. Have you heard the quote “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time”? Knowing that someday you will be “found out” is what kills the self-esteem. Hard as it is and vulnerable as you will feel, let go of your pretenses. Just be your authentic self. At first, the fear is crippling, but if you manage to get past the initial fear and take the plunge, it is so liberating. And that freedom to be who you are without excuses or pretenses paves the way for a much healthier self-esteem.

 2. Learn to say no. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
 Often we say yes because of the fear of authority or the fear of hurting someone’s feelings or worries that we will let someone down. But every time you say a yes that you don’t mean, you’ll end up doing a half-hearted job. And then you are unhappy that you said what you didn’t want to say, and you are unhappy that you did such a lousy job of what you said you would do. Break out of that habit. Instead, just say what you mean and mean what you say. You don’t have to be rude about it, just be firm and decisive. Developing the ability to speak your mind in a kind but firm manner, and to really deliver on your promises, will go a long way in building lasting self-esteem.

 3. Grant yourself the permission to make mistakes.
Vow to learn from them. Your reaction to your failures, as much as your successes, defines you. You can beat yourself up over a failure, or you can give yourself the permission to make mistakes and vow to learn from them. Let’s face it, whichever route you take, you will still make some mistakes in your life. One approach chips away at your self-esteem, the other helps you become a better person. Choose.

 4. Take responsibility for your actions.
 Again, at some point or the other in your life, intentionally or accidentally, you will let others down. When that happens, quit making excuses and accept them as a consequence of your choices. Quit the regret and focus on repair. Always be prepared to say “I’m sorry” followed by “How can I fix it?” and make sure you put in genuine effort to fix things in a way that is acceptable to everyone involved. It is a lot of effort, but a healthy self-esteem is rooted in knowing that you always do the right thing.

 5. Help others.
 No amount of fortune, fame, success, beauty, intelligence, or strength can give you the same sense of personal gratification or a sense of purpose as a genuine “thank you” from someone you help. When you stop being so wrapped up in your own worries, sorrows, and melodrama and start being a part of the bigger picture, with a role to play in this universe, your sense of self-worth and self-esteem gets a whole new definition. Give freely. Help whenever you can. You will get more than what you thought you ever needed.

 6. Immerse yourself in whatever you decide to do.
Quit worrying about your choices. Either do something or don’t. Stop second-guessing your choices. For instance, if you want to make some tea, first learn how to make tea. Next gather all the ingredients you need. And then make tea.
Don’t worry about whether it will come out right. Don’t worry if anyone will like it. Don’t worry about whether you are worthy of making tea. Don’t worry about coffee drinkers. Don’t worry if you will ever get to make tea again. Don’t worry about what you will do after you make tea. Just. make. tea. And when you are done, move on. Constantly worrying about your choice as you make the tea will not do any good to you, the tea, or anyone else around you. Immerse yourself in what you do. Your self-esteem is a measure of how worthy you think you are. Don’t look outward for affirmations. Set your own expectations of who you should be and then do all you can to live up to those expectations. You have it in you to be the person you can be proud of.

 Commit to it, and go become that person!