Saturday, November 27, 2010

the WHAT IF-s

We ask ourselves this question all the time.
We all constantly wish that we could turn back time and change the present.

Two nights ago, I watched this Hong Kong movie, [Written By], and felt that the author must have been very depressively suicidal.
The story kept recounting the different versions of the past and present.
Obviously the author is very curious how life could have been IF things were different.
'Normal' people would find this movie very ridiculous as it's quite pointless, and don't possess the faintest entertainment value.
But being who I am, I do get it.
Nevertheless, I don't recommend this movie to anyone.
Depressed or not.
A bad movie is a bad movie.

Yesterday, I watched a much happier movie,, RAPUNZEL
And I was very taken by the Healing Incantation

Flower, Gleam and Glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse, bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt, change the fates design
Save what has been lost, bring back what once was mine
What once was mine...

I still ask myself, "WHAT IF I HAD BEEN 'NORMAL'?"

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

woo hoo! my birthday!

I find this picture very inspiring.
This picture reminds me that happiness can be found under any circumstances.
Even the simplest thing can be very blissful.

taken from Reader's Digest Sept 2007

a group of beggars take a break from business to enjoy tea together just outside the Shrine of Shah Amanat in Chittagong, Bangladesh, where a large percentage of people live in poverty.
"Begging as a group is particularly common," says Jashim Salam, who took the photograph. "They beg especially in front of shrines, marketplaces, and also at festivals and religious ceremonies." Salam says that although the beggars may be poor, he finds it heartening to see smiles on their faces as they go about their day.
There's this one student who always appear rather strange to me.
Each time she asks me a question, she has this zombie-like look on her face.
I find her to be quite 'lost' as her enquiries were never clear to me.

Today, I urged myself to strike a conversation with her.
"Are you okay? You looked rather stressed"

She gave a very lovely smile and answered,
"Do I? No, I'm ok."

I'm so glad I made that initiative.
She will no longer be known as the 'zombie girl' in my head.
She's now the 'lovely smile' girl.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Dear Thelma

Dear Thelma is a column in a local weekly where the readers can write in their personal problems and the columnist will try her( we presume it's HER) hardest to advise.

The author has different background from me but I feel strangely connected to this part,
"But my past still haunts me today and in my head I keep seeing a little girl screaming and crying."
"I feel like I’m walking in a dark lane, which is getting smaller. It’s so miserable being lonely"

to read more, click here
It was appraisal day.
While using the guide from HR dept, The Boss asked me
"Have you effectively utilised the resources available to you for better work productivity?"
I nodded.
He ticked the column on the paper.

In my mind,
"Yes. Everyday I make myself a cup of coffee, where the powder,creamer and sugar are provided by the company"

Thank God I don't think aloud.


Thursday, November 18, 2010

Hello artist,
You make the unknown seem familiar,
You look through me clearer than a mirror,

Your work speaks to me so tender,
That I’d stop all haste and relax to slumber,

You remind me that I’m not alone,
And I should once again trust the unknown,

Forgive and allow myself to be forgiven,
The surest way to feel the peace of heaven,

You sculptured beauty in suffering and pain,
Challenging me to hope once again,

You assure me that the world is much bigger,
And my existence is a mere brief linger

Thank you, Oh artist,
You may be a complete stranger,
But you are my perfect teacher.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

I have serious insecurity issues. I question myself all the time. I ask myself these questions much too often.
"Why did I do/say that?" "Why can't I be more normal?" "Why can't I just blend in?" "Why can't I just relax?"

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I feel more compared to the little that I know,
Isn't that plain ignorance, that I have nothing to show?

More often I'm in the dark that I'm in the light,
Though I've worked hard to be on the other side.

I understand sorrow better than I understand bliss,
Not by choice, but was sealed with fate's cruel kiss.

Tell me, oh divine TRUTH,
which part of me belongs to YOU?
What is left of me after my last hour is due?

Saturday, November 06, 2010

I lost my faithful Oxford's Advanced Learner's Dictionary two years ago, and it's only until recently that I got a replacement.

I was reading HOW STARBUCKS SAVED MY LIFE by Michael Gates Gill and needed to check on a word.
Only then I came to realised that it has been ages since I've checked on a dictionary.

It occured to me that the last time I did such a thing was back when I was still considered 'normal', before I was branded an outcast.

So, now I'm thinking.
Am I making progress?