Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Open tht mouth

My mouth; my curse, my gift.

Many times of course, I have gotten into trouble because I opened my mouth at the worst possible times.
But there are times… exceptions do occur.

Was at Popular Bookfair. Saw a booth promoting magazine subscriptions.
Approached one of the salesperson. Just very nonchalantly told him about my current subscription with his company.
He gave me 3 copies of complimentary mags.

Was in a record store.
Wanted to buy two Cds. 1]Rm45.90 2]Rm 41.90
Although it was very obvious it’s a Nett-priced-kinda-store, I thought I’d just try my luck.
The guy unbelievably turned out to be the boss! He’s so young!
He gave me Rm80 for both.

Was in pasar malam (night market).
Was paying for a pair of shorts which I had bought a similar one weeks ago.
It was NETT price kinda deal.
So, I just complimented to the boss how comfortable the shorts are.
He asked, “Oh, you’ve bought one before?”
“Yeah, from you too.”
He gave me a Rm1 discount.

So, guys! Open that mouth!


I watched the movie - FORGIVENESS, the one where I was trying so hard to get somebody to utilise my free pair of tickets with.

In the end, I'm truly glad that I had watched it alone.
I had the entire cineplex to myself.
It would have been fantastic had it been a porn movie. Hahaha.

It was a good movie, and I wouldn't want anybody to tell me otherwise.
At the end of the movie, they quoted Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
I had Googled for some time and couldn't find the entire precise quote that was used in the movie, so I'll just have to type what I remember.

"Forgive and close the door of your past; not to forget, but in order to release self-imprisonment."

Nobody opened the exit door for me, so I walked out the same way I had walked in earlier.
The other cineplex door was opened.
I invited myself in.
X-MEN - The final stand; was on.

When I left the cineplex, I was wondering.
What if many of us have misunderstood our 'gifts/talents' for 'curse/burdens'?
What if we had allowed other people determined what we are good for?

Sometimes, I wonder why I bother going to overpriced and over-rated educational institutions when I can just watch movies and read books. =P

Monday, May 29, 2006

Lucky? who, me?

"You're really lucky," said my new employer.

I blushed. "Yes, I DO hope that I can make up this favour to you."

As I walked away, I was still perplexed with the word 'lucky'.

I have never been associated with that word.

I'm still thinking.

Saturday, May 27, 2006


Weeks ago, I had a heart to heart talk with a very good friend while sipping our McD sundae. (yes, sipping!)

I confessed to her that I'm desperate to have a 'relationship'. Just for the sake of it.

She asked if I have the EMOTIONAL avenue and resources for such 'challenging' experience.

Weeks later, I realised that she understands me better than I, myself.

I hate that. ( oh, my dear friend*whom I'm sure is reading this*, I appreciate u. Yah, really)

Friday, May 26, 2006

Just this

Of course I DID fantasize about us being together.
Could you blame me?

I even thought of pursuing you despite it all. Disregard all the Asian lady propriety and go for it.

I did. Coz I didn't want to look back and wonder, "What if..."

Suddenly, I was reminded of my dark past.
I have no 'qualification' to pursue you.

I have none to pursue such bliss.

I can only afford to wonder, "what if..."

Perhaps.. there is no better ending.
But this.

Thursday, May 25, 2006


I've been repeatedly thinking about what happened yesterday.

No. I don't regret what I did. I simply couldn't see other options for me.
But on the other hand, I can't claim to be happy nor proud of what I have done.
Honestly, I would have rather been fired, than to resign.
To render my resignation means I gave up.
And I hate giving up.

And yes, the worst part is STILL the fact that I don't sit next to my adored graphic designer anymore... =(

Wednesday, May 24, 2006


"Being a good man, and being a good leader;
they are TWO different things.
You Are Neither."
Those were my last words to my then boss before I walked out of his office for the very last time.
Yikes.. this will be very bad for my record man...
Well, ONE good thing did come out of this.
Mysterious graphic designer asked for my number and promised me to a movie 'date'...
I'm still smiling. *blushing*

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Fraud ?

There was a special report in newspaper on a person’s account of fraudulent paper qualifications. The fraud had deceived a local distinguished technology company with his claims of possessing four doctorates and two Master’s degrees from various renowned foreign universities. The deception went well for the employers because he had successfully written thick project outlines and programming codes.

However, the bubble was burst when the company announced his appointment of this highly regarded man in the newspaper. The press had requested for an interview and they checked with the universities.

I honestly feel that the fraud would have gotten away had he not been over ambitious with his position in that company. He could have gotten just where he wanted to be with just half the fraudulent claims. It was his greed and foolish pride that had blown the cover, not his incapability in his performance.

Thus, I conclude that paper qualification hardly reflects one’s genuine capability.

Friday, May 19, 2006


Showroom supervisor was clearing up all the old stocks.
Threw all that couldn't be sold.
I looked at the rubbish bin.
I couldn't help but feel bad.
I started picking up a few pieces.

Friend: Hun, what are you doing?

I just smiled.

I began putting them together. Then I used one of the 'thrown' paper to write down a message ferociously.
Friend: Wah... what you writing lar..

I ignored him.
Then, I put the note into the little pouch that was thrown away, and kept it in my bag.
Friend: It's for '_', is it? (He knows about my little girlie fascination over the mysterious graphic designer.)

I laughed.
I read to him the message I had written in the paper.
They threw you away. They think you are no longer useful.
How do you not allow other people to throw you away?
How to regain your self worth when others have sentence your expiry?
How do you seek your dignity, after it's thrown away?

Friend: Wah, that's real SAD.

I looked at him. Coming from a guy who draws only skeletons, devils, vampires and destructive machines with the dark hateful black. I supposed it 's a compliment.
I asked HIM out.
Yup. For the first time in my life, I did something so ... Bold.
So... western style of 'casual dating'.

He said neither yes or no.
Sigh... artists...

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

You ARE an artist

Office no electricity.
I walked around the office, looking for materials to read.
Noticed the graphic designer drawing, walked to his table.
He was drawing a real life dog, a collie, I think.

"Wow, that's really good."
As his pencil was brushing the dog's fur coat, "Nah, I'm just fooling around."

Minutes later, I walked to his table again.
"Hey, you done with your dog?"
"Nah, I threw it away."
"It was nothing, just playing around with the pencil."
"But it's your work! Your artpiece!"
*Soft snicker*.
"I'm no ART-ist, I just do what the boss tells me to."

I walked away, before my big mouth gets me into trouble again.
I'm thinking of getting him a nice little sketch book.

And... yes... you're right... I DO... have a little...
ahem... girlie fancy crush on him... hehehehe *blushing, covering face with both hands*

Monday, May 15, 2006

Talk only

"Do you feel that you don't live up to the fashion demands of physical beauty?"

"The painter has a very old soul, but his or her actual age may be much more youthful."

"This angel doesn't want to be here."

"You hate and love a women figure in your life. It frustrates you that you can't leave her influence."

"You seek loyalty."

I said all these while admiring some people's work.
All responded the same.

"Do you know art?" "Are you an artist/ art student yourself?"

Oopps... Err.. no. I just know how to open the big gap in my mouth. =p

Saturday, May 13, 2006

FirstDayofWork's BOoBoO

At cash register.
I was trying to very very gently fold the gift-wrapping papers in a bundle, when I needed to use a paper to put them together, I asked...

Me= Can I use this ah? (pointing at used papers)
Colleague= Don't lar, use this. (pointing at new paper)
Me= ( using the paper he pointed to wrap and said...) I'm an environmentalist ma... thought can use recycled paper. Must reduce paper wastage. Save trees , you know...?
(handing the very very elaborated gift-wraps to customer)*suddenly realized I've been contradicting my company's nature of business*
(face all red) Err... you didn't hear that... (grinning widely)

Customer smiled and walked off.

Colleagues and I laughed histerically when it was safe to do so.


Thursday, May 11, 2006


"Pivotal" too posh for professional urbanites to understand?

That's what my boss said. He gently reminded me that I'm not writing a business report, but just an Ad copy.

Now, I have to think what the laymen term is.


Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Young at Heart

Setting : Warehouse sale.

Sigh... boring lar. Nothing seems to interest me; clothes, shoes, bags, toiletries, etc... etc...

Wait a minute! My favourite Pick N' Mix candies!!

I excitedly walked towards the booth.
I noticed other little children also share my gleeful joy.

"Adik, ambik ni" - 'sis, take this'.

I looked up.
Nope, she was referring to the other kid beside me.
Ah... I'm TOO young at heart. =p


I thought I was doing 'ok' in an interview until the interviewer asked,

"Do you feel that you are different NORMAL people?"

*Die lar... I wonder if the other prospective abc company will call me up for interview? Hmmm...*

Answer anyway lar...

"Hmm, is there such thing as NORMAL people?"

Yesterday, was my first day of work.


Saturday, May 06, 2006

Investing sincerity

Our whole life is an investment.

Most of the time, it’s NOT the monetary returns that we’re after.

In our body, we invest in nutritious food, invest in time and effort to exercise.

For our mind, we invest in education, be it academic or non-academic.

For our emotions, we invest in entertainment, in soul-searching, in religion.

Now, what about our relationships with others?

We put in the ultimate investment;
Our sincerity.
The most precious intangible asset that all of us have.

I say sincerity is the most precious investment we put into relationships because it expects no returns.
We hope for nothing in return.
We expect nothing.
That’s why the return of this investment always surprises us.
I never expected betrayal.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Appreciate this please ^_^

This is another one of my effort-fully written yet went unappreciated piece of work ...

Should I be bestowed upon the authority and opportunity to change anything at all in this world, education would definitely be my focus.
Education. The education system must change.
Education is a man’s sole possession which can never be taken away from him. From the scale of the country’s annual budget to a family unit, the investment put into the area of educating the children and youths has always been astonishingly admirable.

Regardless of the socio-economic background, all leaders and parents share one common goal; which is to provide the ultimate best form of education for the next generation.
Therefore, I would wish to tackle this backbone area of development of civilization.

I would make sure that the children be exposed to various aspects of expertise in life. Like the Chinese saying goes, “Every field of study produces respected scholars”. At elementary level, the students must have their fair share of basic exposure to different disciplines such as art, acting, singing, literature, mathematics, architecture, engineering, zoology, sports, culture health and environmental lessons. The list is endless.

Teachers must be very wary and sensitive to recognize the potential and interest in their students. Not merely looking out for talents or prodigies, but to arouse the students’ passion for any subject and ignite their self-confidence to lead a purposeful lifestyle.

Mobility among the academicians must be regulated. The interest of the core key players in the field of education, the teachers must be taken with utmost serious care.
In order to create fair recognition of the teachers’ contribution, more independent governance must be allowed to the individual education institution, be it of any level.
Yes, basic foundation of national educational rules must also be monitored. But not at the expense of efficient and revolutionary policy implementation of the principals, deans or chancellors.

Independence enhances proud identity, creativity and well deduced-courage for the individual educational institution to provide highly competitive quality education to their students.

Government should implement policies that encourage the private corporate sector to play a role in the education field as well. Tax exemptions and subsidized advertisements should be rewarded to the corporate companies who wish to organize projects; of any scale, to the students. Once again, this would be up to the creative negotiation of the schools and corporate companies.Outdoor activities, charity work, field trip, workshops, competitions and so forth. The scope of their contribution is borderless.

It’s really a win-win situation. The corporate companies can instill a deep life-long impression unto the students and teachers, and advertise to the public as a whole in the media, all happening whilst administering the projects. The students of course, would be able to enjoy a well-rounded form of pragmatic education.

I would want to give professional recognition to motivational speakers. Their role has been misunderstood and even perhaps underestimated. I would want the speakers to hold a qualified certification to prove their credential. With this recognition, more talented people would invest their resources into this revolutionary profession.
As we all know, the best sellers of the non-fiction books are all self-help books. This area of study should not only be seen as a commercial entity but rather a noble professional field of discipline. Henceforth, every organization would want to employ one ‘motivator’ as part of their administrative hierarchy.

I would also want to profess the importance of books. How powerfully influential books are in our lives is just too immense to describe. Many icons of the modern world have testified how the books they had read when they were young had impacted their core beliefs and chosen decisions in life.
Therefore, it’s intensely necessary to make books easily accessible to all walks of life.
Mobile libraries, mini libraries, subsidies to encourage independently owned libraries, subsidies for book purchase and so forth must take place.

Realistically speaking, I know that I would not have such power. But the indomitable forest always starts with a seed. I am hopeful for the future role of education.

News of the day

Wednesday morning.
Was listening to the live TV talk show on Ntv7.

The hosts brought up the issue of the medical doctors who are currently serving overseas, and questioning their patriotism.
"Money is not everything," quoting the news on printed newspaper.

Then they moved on to the next news-of-the-day.
"Should the salary of police officers be raised, to curb corruption?"

I changed the channel and watched music videos instead.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

my ultimate enemy

I can't believe it.
History repeated itself 6 years later.

When I thought that I could do my best, FEAR paralyzed me.
The same sincerely-concerned inquisitions were asked;

“ What’s wrong? You seemed distracted”
“ Are you ok?”
“ Is everything alright?”

Third party comments;
“She looks scared.”
“She’s not herself.”

I’ve come to realize a conclusion that when a person is put into a tensed situation, a person’s utmost core unresolved issues come to surface.

FEAR remains my ultimate enemy.

Monday, May 01, 2006


Scene 1
Ma= *touching my shoulder* Wah, Hun. You have very broad shoulders ah… what sport you played back in school har?

Me= *looked confusedly at Ma. Thought, is this the same woman whom I have lived with my whole life? Why is she asking me this question as if we have been just reunited?*

Scene 2
Ma= Hun, ah… what word is this? *pointing at a sentence of secondary-school-level Chinese characters*
Me= Err… I can’t understand them.
Ma= Ha? I thought you know Chinese?
Me= Ma… you sent me to a Malay medium primary school and didn’t bother with kindergarten at all, remember?
Ma= Oh…

Scene 3
A newly acquainted lady approached me and asked me in Mandarin, “Your mum tells me you don’t understand Chinese at all, is it true?”

I wondered if it’s a trick question. But answered her in Mandarin anyway, “No, I can understand you just fine,” and smiled.

I seriously need to have a heart to heart talk with ma.