Aidil Adha.

 "Aren't you afraid? Standing so close to the sacrificial slaughtering site?"
"No way!"
After the deed was done, he sheepishly wiped his eyes with his right arm.
"You crying?"
He gave a firm nod, without turning around. 

I wrote this on the group's comment page.

My dear friends , I’ve had this nagging desire to drop a note here for the longest time. But each time I was prompted, I’ve always felt that I was unworthy, that I wasn’t good enough to execute my intention. Oh, the song posted by Tze N really made me teary.

I felt it was a confirmation from God that I must fulfil the deed.

My dear dear Church friends. Oh how often I’ve thought of you each one of you.

Simple daily things that I see, hear, feel, or do can easily bring back those Church memories.

For example, just random thoughts….

How Tracy stood outside my old place in Jelutong with bags of pasar groceries waiting for me. It was a cooking / eating day for us. Due to fault of mine, she had to wait outside in the hot humid weather for me.

Tracy, I have not forgotten your cooking tips! And how I love your “Abudden” jokes. And how you had taught me your family secret of frying an egg.

And Jessie ’s clear enunciating voice that can put many radio presenters to shame. How she would laugh at herself.

Tze; her facial expression when she is in deep thought, and how she elegantly finger-swipes her Ipad when she is sharing or preaching.

Samantha N how she claps her hand to brush off the stain while cooking. And the many cute candid stories which she shared in BS. Samantha, I will never forget that during my darkest hour, you had very nonchalantly open up those encouraging videos for me to watch. It was really kind of you. You were so sensitive. You didn’t ask me anything. You purposely kept the conversation light.

I will think of Pastor Lean S each time I’m in those wholesale snack shops ( which is very often). I will never forget her sharing in the Cameron Highlands, about ‘planting seeds’. The discussion was serious, but you didn’t want to give too much pressure to the sharing group, you said, “.. . something for you to think about, …” how you had gestured by dropping the metaphorical seed. Lol how your hand gestures will fly up when you need to make a point.

I will always remember Shirly G sharing about her students, how she persevered with the ex- Principal, how she will allow her students to see her sunburns and suffering or else her students xin li bu ping heng… so funny

I’d remember the nice free bakeries we enjoyed from Edinlyn. Yvonne Por’s comical “Jinjia you?”- Korean.

Pei’s love and concern for me during our private chats and her husband’s pandan jelly ! lol. and when Sam drew a mole on his 'ugly' picture during the game of  pictionary and Ps Steven was offended. He laughed till he teared up... lol ah.. Who can forget all those great games we played

So so many memories… 

Thank you for all your love and acceptance of me. Forgive me for not keeping in close touch. My heart is true.

On my first outing with friends since my depression- hibernation.
She hugged me and whispered, "So good to see you alright."
My body shivered.
My eyes glistened.

I was very close to the borderline.