Sunday, December 29, 2013

Attachment is such a funny feeling.
The monkeys have always been such a nuisance and threat in my neighbourhood.
They'd come around the roof and mess up the antennas, steal our food, ruin just about anything they can get their hands on.
They even throw things at you, hiss at you, threaten to attack you in packs.. etc..

This weekend, the tractors came and cleared the land opposite my home.
I have not seen a single monkey since.

There's an empty feeling.
Somehow it doesn't feel right.
After all, before we came, it was their home first.

Below is part of my ex classmate's FB post.

To me, this *Tracy Chapman -The Promise- remains one of the most profound songs ever and I think it fitting for my last few posts of 2013. Do excuse the emo rant as I perform diary inception. " "...
Turning back on the pages of this diary brings a sense of tingling to me.
At first glance the only thing I see is how my handwriting has deteriorated but on a second look, I see how far I've come. How I wish to reach for the stars. Man can never be content. How I fear change... fear of leaving the friends I have made during SAM, fear of not being able to adapt, fear of not being able to know where to go and do what I like.
These are all of immense pressure.
 Perhaps I have already lost them. Perhaps I have already remained too stagnant to change. Perhaps I have already made all the wrong choices.

 Ah, the final days of the year worn thin are most certainly filled with regrets, maybe-s and what if-s. That is why resolutions are created. So that when one ushers in the New Year, there is renewed hope.

 So often, we found ourselves making the same resolutions year after year and perhaps adding more to the insurmountable collection of hopes and dreams.
 Laughable. But I am only laughing at myself. Perhaps the stars are meant to be unreachable in the celestial heavens above mocking foolish mortals down below. How brilliant they are! Dreams and hopes are like stars...divine. ..............................................." Excerpt from the not-so-secret-diaries of James Lim dated 23 December 1999 (12.05am) [31st December 2004]

 That was me five years ago. Funny, but I find that I haven't changed much. Certainly I may choose to word it a little differently, perhaps with a tinge of cynicism & less naivety but my sentiments are still the same. In fact I find that my impetuous ideals have become more relevant then ever.
 They say that change is the only constant in life. I would have to say it's mostly true. As the world revolves, and as people go about with what it is they have to do, one occasionally pauses. A moment to take a step back from it all. Some quiet time for ourselves to reflect on words & actions that have transpired over the days, weeks, months, and years. Of what has happened, what might have been & what might be.

 I would certainly like to claim that I have matured tremendously over the past 5 years but this ,sadly, is not the case. No epiphany for me. No revelation on life. Nor any all-encompassing philosophy for it. This sense of lacking is very much real and can be depressing. And yet, between times of extremes & times of extreme monotony, I am transiently hopeful.
 A lifetime worth of an ever-changing resume. Something that evolves constantly. As the years go by, a resume retains its general breadth. Its contents do not increase linearly with time. Things which were once deemed imperative are reduced to a single bullet point, or perhaps taken out altogether. The string of As for a National Exam, the part-time job during term break, the first committee office of a club ever held or that prize-winning moment is deemed negligible. Not worth a mention to your prospective employers.
 And that is quite sad, really. Life-defining moments, reduced to quaint memories of yesteryear. A select few continue to linger, clinging on hard to what is you. What is me. But a lot of it is hidden between the lines. Whiten out so that a whole life may be summarised into 2 pages of well-arranged text & plenty of blank spaces, because that's what is expected of us. A lot of it is lost along the way, some deliberately and some not. Moments of joy, pain, solace, facts, names, dates, figures, faces. No longer there for us to call upon. No longer the same as it was when times were better; the people more caring, the air a little cleaner, the friends more sincere, the problems less daunting. It only seemed like yesterday. And yet yesterday has already slipped away all too fast.

 This scares me.
 Not knowing. This constant change. Losing my past. Feeling cheated of my future. How many principles have I compromised to get here? How many dreams have I given up on to be where I am? How far have I strayed to be who I am today? This ever-changing life. Continuously evolving, mutating. Into something that I can never really have total control over. It is relentless.

 Sometimes change smothers me. And all I can but do is to let out a heavy sigh in its vice-like embrace. Maybe, tomorrow will be better..... "

 [Present day] As Jobs once said, we can only trust that the dots will somehow connect for us in the future. For me, the year 2013 has been one of great gains as well as losses on many levels. For instance, it was the year I finally commenced my MBA full time as well as the year I lost two of my dogs, Tulli and Goochie. As it draws to a close, so does my sabbatical. 2013 has brought with it a whole gamut of experiences that I could never ever have fathomed, be it 14 years ago or the years in between.

 As the years fly by, I notice that I record my thoughts/feelings less and less to the point of not bothering to record at all. More than that, youthful optimism has been buried under a mountain of painful life lessons and skepticism. But it is still there. And I am pleased to report that I have adopted certain philosophies to guide me on this journey we call life while being struck by an epiphany or two along the way. There are many things I still wish to work on but on the whole, I am happy and content with who I am, where I am and the company that I keep. It feels as though this is where I need to be in order to grow and move on. Borrowing from Thoreau, may each of us awaken from a life of quiet desperation towards a life less ordinary. With that, I wish you and yours a fantastic 2014!
Am loving this song by Eminem "The Monster" (feat. Rihanna)

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
Get along with the voices inside of my head
You're trying to save me, stop holding your breath
And you think I'm crazy, yeah, you think I'm crazy

Well, that's nothing Well, that's nothing

******************singing along....

Saturday, December 28, 2013

Have been ill for weeks.
Things don't go well when I can't exercise. It's my medication.
My history shows a consistent pattern.
Therefore, it's hard on me when I'm physically unwell.
I felt even harder to go to work, which I didn't, making me feeling worse due to guilt.
I have used up all my MC days.
Yikes. I know this reflects poorly on me as an employee.

So, today, I HAD to go.
Coincidentally, it was a colleague's birthday.
Someone bought Secret Recipe Choco Indulgence!
Gosh ! I couldn't resist! **- when I should have, because I'm still feverish, and my stomach can't take it.
Anyway, I had a slice.
I sat down with the rest of the colleagues and chatted.
For the first time in days, I felt 'ok'.

I vomited a few minutes later, much to my embarrassment.
But no one else knew, or so I may think.
Weirdly, I felt much better after that.
I think I vomited the cake along with the phlegm in the stomach too, hence I felt better.

I actually went for a run.
Hopefully, I'd be well enough for gym tomorrow.
Miss that place already.

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

It's Christmas.
I'm ill.
Have been feeling like this for days.

Sis posted an old photo of herself back when she was a toddler.
A cousin commented, "I remember it like it was yesterday. That was your favourite dress. You said you love flowery dresses, it made you feel like a butterfly."
My sis said she didn't remember that at all.
I thought it's just super cute that my sis had said that as a kid.

Last week, in Zumba, the teacher Maggie told us to bend our knees, but not over our toes, suck in the belly, chest out.
Everyone followed the instructions carefully.
Until the last one. We didn't see that one coming.
You see, we Asians are more conservative.
We need more time to 'let loose'.
Maggie looked at me directly, giving me the 'well? what you waiting for..." look.
So , I let loose.... who cares how I look... well, the strategy is NOT to look at the mirror.
It was fun...

Monday, December 23, 2013

"It's like a mother, when the baby is crying, she picks up the baby and she holds the baby tenderly in her arms.
Your pain, your anxiety is your baby. You have to take care of it. You have to go back to yourself, recognize the suffering in you, embrace the suffering, and you get a relief."
 - Thich Nhat Hanh

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. 
Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out. 

 Tina Turner

Thursday, December 19, 2013

"So what's going on here today?"
"Its someones birthday, so I'm standing in line here to eat cake and get food."
 He is one of the kids we got to spend time with in a place called Crossing Lais, Panay Island.
His home was destroyed by the Haiyan Typhoon.
His family is safe, but they have no food, no lights and no house to live in as a family.
But they are still living their lives. Taken from
"If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace."
 ~Ajahn Chah

“Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

 Surrender is the beautiful soft space of acceptance. It is an allowing—allowing life to unfold and to be what it is, irrespective of your agendas, expectations, and judgments.

 Surrender allows us to step into our lives ready to receive, completely able to manifest, and willing to embrace everything—the good, the bad, and the ugly—with an open heart. It’s from this place that real magic happens.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

The Tutu Project
 “Oddly enough, her cancer has taught us that life is good, dealing with it can be hard, and sometimes the very best thing—no, the only thing—we can do to face another day is to laugh at ourselves, and share a laugh with others.”

Indonesian copywriter dies after working three days straight.
Read more

Monday, December 16, 2013

I asked her for a piece of advice, and she reached into her mom's purse and pulled out a whiteboard. "She has laryngitis," her mom explained. "No talking for a week."

 Great Initiative....

Suspended Coffee

This NYC cop gave the shirt off his back to a homeless man on a cold day. Officer Carlos Ramos saw Robert William shivering and barefoot in the freezing cold weather on Friday morning and gave the man his sweatshirt to warm up! "I saw he was in need and it was my job to help him" says Officer Ramos.

Sunday, December 15, 2013

I watched the animation Ratatouille again.
I remembered how much I enjoyed the first time I watched it in 2007, so I gave it a go again.
Wow, there were so many meaningful quotes.

“You must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from. Your only limit is your soul.”

 Gusteau: Ah, but that is no match for wishful thinking. If you focus on what you left behind, you will never be able to see what lies ahead. Now go up and look around!"

Django: [showing the exterminator shop to Remy with the dead rats in the window] Take a good long look, Remy. This is what happens when a rat gets a little too comfortable around humans. The world we live in belongs to the enemy. We must live carefully. We look out for our own kind, Remy. When all is said and done, we're all we've got. [he starts to walk away]
Remy: No.
Django: [turning back] What?
Remy: No. Dad, I don't believe it. You're telling me, that the future is - can *only* be - more of *this*?
Django: This is the way things are. You can't change nature.
Remy: Change *is* nature, Dad. The part that *we* can influence. And it starts when we decide. [he turns to leave]
Django: Where are you going?
Remy: With luck, forward.

 Gusteau: [on the TV] How can I describe it? Good food is like music you can taste, color you can smell. There is excellence all around you. You need only to be aware to stop and savor it.
(Mindfulness - focusing on the NOW)

Friday, December 13, 2013

LC was telling me that she dreamt of an Indian man massaging her.
I gave her the look. "Woo.. kinky.."
"He was speaking some Indian dialect, I didn't understand him, so I asked if we're connected spiritually."
Again, I gave her a look. "Wow, even when dreaming, you're so deep."

Two Malaysian Indian lecturers walked in.
One was a professor whom both of us are very fond of, Prof.M.
Prof.M, "LC , you should just forget all these fellas and we'll find you a nice Indian man."
I raised my eyebrow.

Prof.M continued, "We'd find you a nice Indian man. You know, the local Chinese and Indians always make a good match, very good combo. Make little Chindians..."
She said a whole lot more, but I can't quite recall as I was too busy holding back my laughter.
Just then, two foreign Indian male lecturers walked out of the lounge.
All of us were embarrassed that we didn't notice them earlier.
Though we didn't said anything offensive, I find this whole episode very entertaining.
"I've put in a lot of years behind prison walls. You get used to things when you're in there. You get comfortable with people telling you what to do, when to get up, when to go to sleep. And when you get out, you don't really know what to do with your freedom. They might not admit it, but most guys who come out are looking for a way back in." Humans of New York

Zach Sobiech had written a song called "Clouds" about coming to terms with his imminent death.  5,000 people got together to create a giant choir in the middle of the Mall of America. Then they sang his song, which debuted a year ago. The couple in the middle are his wonderful and supportive and brave parents.

Thursday, December 12, 2013

"Synthetic happiness is every bit as real and enduring as the kind of happiness you stumble upon when you get exactly what you were aiming for." (Dan Gilbert)

 Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert says our beliefs about what will make us happy are often wrong -- a premise he supports with intriguing research, and explains in his accessible and unexpectedly funny book, Stumbling on Happiness.

 When we got a new brain and tripled in size, we got a new structure with a new part called the prefrontal cortex.
It does lots of things but most importantly it is an experience simulator.
Therefore we can have the experience before we actually experience it.
Lottery winners and paraplegics are equally happy.

Impact Bias – the tendency to belief different outcomes are more different impact and duration that people have; to overestimate the hedonic impact of future events.
Happiness can be synthesized.
But we think it is to be found.
 “I am the happiness man alive. I have that in me that an convert poverty to riche, adversity to prosperity, and I am more invulnerable than Achilles; fortune hath not one place to hit me.” ~ Sir Thomas Browne (1642)

Synthetic vs Natural Happiness:
Natural Happiness is when you get what you want.

Synthetic happiness is what we make when we don’t get what we want
We think synthetic happiness is of less of a quality than natural happiness.
But synthetic happiness is as real and enduring as when you get what you want. “The one I got is better than the one I got.”
Happiness is synthesized.
When you don’t have a choice, people find a way to make them happy
. The irreversible condition (when you can’t change your mind) is not conducive to the synthetisis of happiness.
But we opt for the opportunities that will us to change our mind.
“Tis nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.” ~ William Shakespeare Turgid Truth saying ~

Adam Smith from The Theory of Moral Sentiments, 1759
Somethings are better than others. We should have preferences that lead us to one future over another But when those preferences drive us too hard and too fast, because we have over rated the difference between these futures, we are at risk. When our ambition is bounded, it leads us to work joyfully. When our ambition is unbounded, it leads us to lie, cheat, steal, hurt others and to sacrifice things of real value. When our fears are bounded we are prudent, caucus and thoughtful. But when our fears are unbounded and overblown, we’re reckless and cowardly.

The lesson to leave with us: Our longings and worry are to some degree overblown because we have within us the capacity to manufacturing the very commodity we are constantly chasing when we choose experience.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

This Guy Travelled The Country In A Pink Tutu Just To Make His Wife Laugh During Chemo

After Linda was diagnosed with breast cancer, Bob began taking beautiful but totally ridiculous photographs of himself in a pink tutu.
“When Linda would go in for treatment, she would take the images on her phone and the women would look at them and it would make them laugh and make the time pass,”
Bob said. Linda said the other women appreciated that Bob was standing out in order to stand by her.
After so much postive feedback, Bob knew he had to continue making the photographs.
The Tutu Project was born and quickly went viral.

“Oddly enough, her cancer has taught us that life is good, dealing with it can be hard, and sometimes the very best thing—no, the only thing—we can do to face another day is to laugh at ourselves, and share a laugh with others.”
I invited a gym friend for lunch.
Where did I get the courage?
Anyway, I'm glad I did.
I added her on FB too.
We talked about the instructors over Taiwanese food.
Turns out, she was in the same primary school as the famous Malaysian badminton player, Lee Chong Wei.

Nice lady.
I hope that guy whom she had a date with last night will call her soon.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

 The best explanation I've ever come across.
My good friend M told me a disturbing news, via FB chat.
A friend of a friend is contemplating suicide.
She asked for counselling contacts.
Then, perhaps it was the two cups of coffee talking, but I typed, "why don't you give him my blog add as well?"
Coffee sober now, I'm asking myself, 'Just how on earth will my blog help him?'
Well, friend of a friend.
If you are reading this,
"Remember, you're not alone in this struggle. And you CAN beat this."

On a different note, I enjoyed yesterday's Yoga very much.
The teacher ( I very much prefer to address them this way) introduced us poses which helps the shoulders and postures- something which I really could use.
I noticed that a member brought along her young daughter.
The little girl helped her mommy in her poses.
Such a cute sight.

I proceeded to Zumba.
As I was dancing, or so I think I'm dancing, I really felt like a little kindergarten girl.
I can't follow the Teacher, but still, I'm trying.
I cared very little how I may look to others, though I was surrounded by many.
This really does bring me back to the Beginner's mind.
I really enjoyed Zumba.

Then, it was Body Combat.
A member had brought a few "Keep Calm and do Body Combat" T-shirts and gave them to the senior regulars there.
They took a photo. I smiled looking at their joviality.
I saw the photo posted on FB today.
Ah... such bliss.

Sunday, December 08, 2013

Excerpts from Exploring Buddhism by Christmas Humphreys

His desires and emotions may be rebellious and he cannot sack them, but at least he can call a meeting and address them as one who knows them for what they are.
Values will soon be utterly remade, and the lusts and longings of yesterday be dropped as a hobby laid aside.
With the dying down of personal emotion the mind becomes increasingly controlled and clear, and the birth of the intuition creates the serenity in which Enlightenment is found.

Buddhism which stresses the futility of speculation, and trains the students' mind to the immediate task in hand, finds little profit in discussing matters which do not lead to the heart's enlightenment.
Whether the bundle of attributes which is reborn be called a self, or soul, or character it is, like all else in the universe, forever changing, growing, and becoming something more.

It is not an immortal soul which, possessed by you, is different from that possessed by me. 
It is in face the product that which dies, and whatever the form may be, we are here and now, with every breath we draw, creating it.
pg 77
"Let us arise then, and not only seek experience, direct, immediate experence, but be unafraid when we find it. How? The answer is another question : "Who holds you back?" Let be said again, for there is no more to be said. There are two rules upon the Way - Begin and Continue. Asked, "what is Tao?", a master replied
'Walk on". 
pg 169
"Master how shall I free my mind?" the Master replied, "Who puts you under restraint?" pg 184

 'To immortalize a second of carefreeness. To forget the illness, if only for a second."

from Mimi Foundation

Friday, December 06, 2013

Nelson Mandela Spent 27 Years In Prison — And Had This To Say When He Got Out


Wednesday, December 04, 2013

This footage from a San Diego McDonald’s captures the last amazing act of kindness from Jeremy Henwood, police officer and Marine veteran, just minutes before he was shot in the line of duty.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"NBA star."
"Well you gotta work hard for that."said Henwood after buying Damian Lewis a meal.

Tuesday, December 03, 2013

I told my sis these things last night.
I need to remember them, so I'm typing them here.
My sis was leaving soon and she was feeling quite down.
She refused to talk about it.

I'm not suicidal and this may seem weird but I have these important things to tell you. 
So, don't say anything until I'm done k?"
She nodded.

"I know there was a dark period of time where things got really bad between us, but if I were to die right now, my mind will definitely only recall all the good memories that we shared. What I'm trying to say here is, the good definitely outweigh the bad. And I have a LOT, a LOT of good memories with you. 

"Second, there was never sibling rivalry between us. I was never jealous of you.
I have always, ALWAYS accepted that you are better than me. And that's why I always look up to you.
I've always admired you.
 This whole rubbish about me being spiteful of you was concocted by our parents. They made things worse between us."

My sis nodded.

"Lastly, *this part I was tearing up* ... I wish I'm stronger for you. I wish... I'm that I can help you. But I'm not... and I'm sorry."

Both of us had tears in our eyes.
And I think, for that moment, finally, we understood each other.

Monday, December 02, 2013

Taken from Tea Chua
"The lady had a note at her back saying 'Blind'.
 They did FM.
Very inspiring that age and not able to see didn't stop her from running.
I was observing them overtaking me at the last 3km.
 At that time I was telling myself, how can I say a route is boring or have nothing much to see, where people can't even see anything but yet running.
 What is my pain, where she might have fell or knock into things but yet not quitting running or fear of trying. The guy is awesome too, giving such a big support and encouragement.
 Truly a good pacer.
 PS: I saw them again at the last 1km sign. They were taking photos and were happy. If they didn't stop, they could have finished under 6 hours.
I was indeed touched and inspired by them. They have show such great spirit being a runner."

Want to be happy? Be grateful

"Every moment is an opportunity.
When we allow ourselves to be available for the opportunity,  to be grateful for the present moment,
that is the key to happiness."

"When you are grateful, you are not fearful. You are willing to share. You act out of equality.
When you are grateful, you act out of the sense of 'enough', and not out of scarcity." 


 The one thing all humans have in common is that each of us wants to be happy, says Brother David Steindl-Rast, a monk and interfaith scholar.

And happiness, he suggests, is born from gratitude.
An inspiring lesson in slowing down, looking where you’re going, and above all, being grateful.

 Brother David Steindl-Rast, a Benedictine monk, meditates and writes on "the gentle power" of gratefulness.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

(槟岛西南区27日讯)一名前途大好的年轻工程师疑不堪新工作压力在上班途中,到峇央峇鲁某商业大厦8楼停车场坠下,当场死亡。 上述事件是于周三上午约8时许发生在峇央峇鲁阳光广场旁的商业中心旁。 死者为刘俊伟,今年24岁,生前和父母居住在北海拉惹乌达,而他是在峇六拜一间跨国工厂任职工程师,每天从槟城来回工作。生前有一名交往了7年,在银行任职的女友。 据了解,死者坠楼的地点也是他每天上班前,都会驾车前往购买三文治早餐的店面前。死者坠下后,一双黑色的鞋子脱落在尸身旁。 警方是从死者身上钱包内的证件证实死者的身份,过后,警方也打开死者的车子进行调查,并从死者的车上找到一件相信是属于死者的工作制服。当时,死者的车子就停放在事发地点旁的市政局停车位上。 西南县警区主任哈达警监透露,根据初步调查,死者是在上午8时18分将其迈薇车辆停放在峇央峇鲁冷当玛央巴锡商业中心后的市政局停车格,然后走上第8楼的商业中心停车场,并从该处墜下。

In one of the yoga poses, I was required to turn my back 90 degrees to the back.
I was staring at my own face on the mirror.
I didn't see this jovial girl whom I could pretend to be.
Instead I saw a very very unhappy young lady.
A very pitiful young lady.
Just P-I-T-Y-F-U-L.
You'd want to shake her on her shoulders and scream, "What's the *** is WRONG with you?"
I could cry just looking at her.

This is bad.

Friday, November 29, 2013

10 Things To Stop Caring About If You Want To Be Happier

1. What others think
Dance to your own beat. Act dumb. Do whatever you have to but don’t take on board what others think. It’s your life, your decisions and choices. Others love to judge, and why should you care if they do? Only you define yourself, so let them be amused if it makes them happy. When you care too much about that others will say, you live your life for them and not yourself.

 2. Past mistakes
We all make mistakes and mess up in life. That’s just how life goes. Don’t be hard on yourself, though. Accept that everyone gets it wrong sometimes; it’s part of the human condition. You really are allowed to cut yourself some slack. Learn to forgive yourself more often.

 3. Failure
The big “F” word that everyone fears. It doesn’t have to be a scary concept, though. Ultimately, it depends on your attitude to failure. If you see failure as not being perfect, you’re going to be permanently miserable. A more realistic idea of failure is giving up. If you haven’t given up, you haven’t failed. See failure as a learning curve, a trial and error process. See failure as your friend – it’s no big deal unless you allow it to be.

 4. What you don’t have
The human default position tends to err on the side of lack rather than abundance, which is not conducive to feeling carefree. We focus on what we don’t have and end up feeling thoroughly deprived. What’s the point of that? I often tell my clients to focus on the positives of what they have and the negatives of what they don’t have. Why would you want to torture yourself with all the things you don’t have? That type of thinking will not serve you in any productive way at all. Make a list of all the things in your life that you appreciate. There will always be others with more and others with less. What you have is enough.

 5. “What Ifs”
We can drive ourselves crazy worrying about what might happen in the future. No one can predict the future (psychics might dispute this), and there is no point in torturing yourself unnecessarily about things that may never come to pass. Remind yourself that this type of worry is wasted energy and distract yourself. Face worry head on – if you can do something in the present moment, go for it. If not, distract yourself and ‘shelve’ the worries.

 6. “I’ll be happy when…” thoughts
When we believe that we will be happy once something has happened, we effectively put our life on hold until the event happens. Wishing your current life is away is a precious waste of happy moments in life. Be in the moment more and care less about being happy in the future. Decide to be happy now. Happiness is not a destination, it is a manner of traveling.

 7. Regrets
Regret is a part of life. The past cannot be undone, so it pays to look at what you have done in life philosophically. Did you learn something from it? If you learned never to do it again or to try a different approach, then you’ve ended up with a positive result. Accept what has gone before, make allowances for human error and move on.

 8. Rejection
Many of us are so afraid of rejection that we stay in our comfort zones and never risk true intimacy. Wear your heart on your sleeve and risk being vulnerable. The more you hide out of fear, the greater the fear will grow. Show yourself that you can express your feelings and live with the consequences. You will conquer fear of rejection in this way and feel more carefree. Even if the outcome is not as expected, you will soon realize that it wasn’t as bad as you anticipated and that you can deal with it. Be a little more thick skinned, be brave and see life as an adventure.

 9. Society’s expectations
Be thin, be beautiful. Show off your wealth and status and then you’ll be adored. What nonsense. When you like and accept yourself as you are, you don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. Don’t buy into the constant media images of perfection. Most of the images are airbrushed and lead us to believe that we should all look as perfect. Try not to take it to heart. We all like to see perfect images, but don’t lose sight of the fact that most of it is digitally enhanced and not natural. Love yourself, imperfections and all. Self acceptance is true freedom.

 10. Being good enough
It’s easy to feel that we don’t measure up somehow. We live in a competitive world. It’s okay and even healthy to want to improve and grow as a person. It becomes unhealthy, though, when we internalize negative ideas about how we aren’t good enough. Always challenge this type of thinking. What is “good enough”? Where is the international rule book that clarifies what “good enough” is? As long as you feel happy with who you are, where you are and how far you have come, that is all that matters. We all worry unnecessarily and create inner misery for ourselves. Remember the above ten points, as they are definitely items you can immediately remove from your worry list. Hopefully you’ll feel a little lighter and a little more carefree too!

Taken from lifehack

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Roman philosopher Cicero wrote
“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”
I have found that those who are most unhappy in life seem to be the ones who feel entitled to more than they have.
I am reminded of a saying I heard years ago “you’ve heard of the man who cried and cried because he had no shoes, until he saw the man who had no feet.”
If our blessings are relative, so gratitude should be.

Taken from mitchellsjourney

LC was flipping the Home Deco magazine.
She asked, "Don't you ever wish your home could look like this?"
I answered, "Yes, I try not to feed this envious feeling. I'd make myself feel sad knowing it will not happen. So, instead, I remind myself that I should be grateful that I can see this magazine pages, being able to admire such beautiful designs."
LC - a devout Buddhist understood my meaning immediately.
We talk about philosophy often, hence I gave such answer.
I would have just nodded if it was any other people who had asked.

In a different scene, Mn asked if I'm ok.
She must have seen my wandering eyes.
"I have this condition for life.* I will never be ok. 
But it's ok."

Sunday, November 24, 2013

It's my birthday.
You know you're no longer young when you no longer look forward to birthdays, not your own at least.
If it's other people - it's a great excuse to indulge in food.

I had crepes yesterday.
I bought the online vouchers much earlier and decided to treat myself.
Drank some therapeutic flower tea and ate a macaroon.

I should have taken a pic of the food.
I really need to camwhore more.

I'll just use this photo as credited below. I was there.
Just not at that time this photo was taken . =p
I needed to make a birthday wish.
Although I know I do have the strong desire to have someone to hold my hand, I know it's not a wise wish.
I stared at the twinkling star.
I felt the deep sincere yearning in my heart.

" I ask that I smile more. I jump* more. To have more moments of clarity in mind."

*I usually jump when I'm happy/excited. Most of my gym classes require jumping too.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Taken from Viral Nova
When a survivor of an earthquake found a treasured photo album intact in Sichuan, China

When Hawkeye refused to leave the side of his Navy SEAL master

When a soldier met his baby girl for the first time

When Arnulfo Castorena won his first gold medal in swimming for Mexico in the Paralympics

When a man taught his girlfriend the alphabet again after she lost her memory

When teachers in India gave lessons to homeless children

When a man did anything to save his wife’s life

When a woman went to lunch with her husband every day, no matter what

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Ten Daily Mini Habit Ideas

 1. Compliment one person

 2. Think two positive thoughts

 3. Meditate for one minute

4. Name three things you’re thankful for

 5. Do one push-up

 6. Write 50 words

 7. Read two pages

 8. Do ten jumping jacks

 9. Go outside and take 100 steps

 10. Drink one glass of water

 You can change nearly any area of your life; and at one mini habit at a time, it’s easier than you think.
 When you remove the pressure and expectations, you allow yourself to start.
 What mini habit(s) will you start today?

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Went to Penang for the International Bridge Run.
Was at Sis' workplace to kill time.
It was the last day of school and the kids were playing water gun.
I really enjoy seeing kids play.
I feel like Dickens' -Great Expectations' Miss Havisham, sometimes. =p

10 Things To Remember When Everything Seems To Be Going Wrong

Taken from LifeHack

 1. This Too Shall Pass
Sometimes life’s rough patches feel like they’re going to last forever. Whether you’re dealing with work-related issues, family problems, or stressful situations, very few problems last for a lifetime. So remind yourself, that things won’t be this bad forever.

 2. Some Things are Going Right
When things are going wrong, it’s hard to recognize what is going right. It’s easy to screen out the good things and only focus on the bad things. Remind yourself that some things are going right. Purposely look for the positive, even if it is something very small.

 3. I Have Some Control
One of the most most important things to remember is that you have some control of the situation. Even if you aren’t in complete control of the situation, one thing you can always control is your attitude and reaction. Focus on managing what is within your control.

 4. I Can Ask for Help
Asking for help can be hard sometimes. However, it’s one of the best ways to deal with tough situations. Tell people what you need specifically if they offer to help. Don’t be afraid to call on friends and family and ask them for help, whether you need financial assistance, emotional support, or practical help.

 5. Much of This Won’t Matter in a Few Years
Most of the problems we worry about today won’t actually matter five years from now. Remind yourself that whatever is going wrong now is only a small percentage of your actual life. Even if you’re dealing with a major problem, like a loved one’s illness, remember that a lot of good things are likely to happen in the course of a year or two as well.

 6. I Can Handle This
A lack of confidence in handling tough times can add to stress. One of the best things to remember is that you can handle tough situations. Even though you might feel angry, hurt, disappointed, or sad, it won’t kill you. You can get through it.

 7. Something Good Will Come Out of This
No matter how bad a situation is, it’s almost certain that something good will come out of it. At the very least, it’s likely that you will learn a life lesson. Perhaps you learn not to repeat the same mistake in the future or maybe you move on from a bad situation and find something better. Look for the one good thing that can result when bad things happen.

 8. I Can Accept What’s Out of my Control
There are many things that aren’t within your control. You can’t change the past, another person’s behavior, or a loved one’s health issues. Don’t waste time trying to force others to change or trying to make things be different if it isn’t within your control. Investing time and energy into trying to things you can’t will cause you to feel helpless and exhausted. Acceptance is one of the best way to establish resilience.

 9. I Have Overcome Past Difficulties
One of the things to remember when you’re facing difficulties, is that you’ve handled problems in the past. Don’t overlook past difficulties that you’ve dealt with successfully. Remind yourself of all the past problems you’ve overcome and you’ll gain confidence in dealing with the current issues.

 10. I Need to Take Care of Myself
When everything seems to be going wrong, take care of yourself. Get plenty of rest, get some exercise, eat healthy, and spend some time doing leisure activities. When you’re taking better care of yourself you’ll be better equipped to deal with your problems.

Photographs of the touching embrace were shown across the world and drew comparisons to the 13th Centiry's St Francis of Assisi.
 It was one of a number of public acts of humility carried out by Pope Francis that has inspired an increase in congregation numbers in Catholic churches across the world.
The severely disfigured man whose full-body tumours were lovingly kissed by the Pope has told MailOnline the moving story of his life. Vinicio Riva, from Vicenza in northern Italy, is covered from head-to-toe in painful growths, a symptom of his genetic disease neurofibromatosis, passed down to him by his late mother.

Earlier this month the 53-year-old's picture spread across the world when he was warmly embraced by Pope Francis at one of the pontiff's weekly audiences in St Peter's Square.  The pontiff's hug was 'like paradise', he said, adding: 'He didn't even think about whether or not to hug me. 'I'm not contagious, but he didn't know that.
But he just did it: he caressed me all over my face, and as he did I felt only love.' Mr Riva recollected:
He came down from the altar to see the sick people. He embraced me without saying a word. I felt as though my heart was leaving my body.
'He was completely silent but sometimes you can say more when you say nothing.'
 'First, I kissed his hand while with the other hand he caressed my head and wounds. Then he drew me to him in a strong embrace, kissing my face.
'My head was against his chest his arms were wrapped around me. It lasted just over a minute, but to me it seemed like an eternity.'

 Read more: Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Love and sorrow are part of the mortal journey. Both exquisite, both dear teachers of the soul; and I will forever be their student.
Taken from LifeHack
Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life. Check out these things that mentally strong people don’t do so that you too can become more mentally strong.

 1. They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves 
Mentally strong people don’t sit around feeling sorry about their circumstances or how others have treated them. Instead, they take responsibility for their role in life and understand that life isn’t always easy or fair.

 2. They Don’t Give Away Their Power 
They don’t allow others to control them, and they don’t give someone else power over them. They don’t say things like, “My boss makes me feel bad,” because they understand that they are in control over their own emotions and they have a choice in how they respond.

 3. They Don’t Shy Away from Change
Mentally strong people don’t try to avoid change. Instead, they welcome positive change and are willing to be flexible. They understand that change is inevitable and believe in their abilities to adapt.

 4. They Don’t Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control 
You won’t hear a mentally strong person complaining over lost luggage or traffic jams. Instead, they focus on what they can control in their lives. They recognize that sometimes, the only thing they can control is their attitude.

 5. They Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone 
Mentally strong people recognize that they don’t need to please everyone all the time. They’re not afraid to say no or speak up when necessary. They strive to be kind and fair, but can handle other people being upset if they didn’t make them happy.

 6. They Don’t Fear Taking Calculated Risks 
They don’t take reckless or foolish risks, but don’t mind taking calculated risks. Mentally strong people spend time weighing the risks and benefits before making a big decision, and they’re fully informed of the potential downsides before they take action.

 7. They Don’t Dwell on the Past 
Mentally strong people don’t waste time dwelling on the past and wishing things could be different. They acknowledge their past and can say what they’ve learned from it. However, they don’t constantly relive bad experiences or fantasize about the glory days. Instead, they live for the present and plan for the future.

 8. They Don’t Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over 
Mentally strong people accept responsibility for their behavior and learn from their past mistakes. As a result, they don’t keep repeating those mistakes over and over. Instead, they move on and make better decisions in the future.

 9. They Don’t Resent Other People’s Success 
Mentally strong people can appreciate and celebrate other people’s success in life. They don’t grow jealous or feel cheated when others surpass them. Instead, they recognize that success comes with hard work, and they are willing to work hard for their own chance at success.

10. They Don’t Give Up 
ter the First Failure Mentally strong people don’t view failure as a reason to give up. Instead, they use failure as an opportunity to grow and improve. They are willing to keep trying until they get it right.

 11. They Don’t Fear Alone Time 
Mentally strong people can tolerate being alone and they don’t fear silence. They aren’t afraid to be alone with their thoughts and they can use downtime to be productive. They enjoy their own company and aren’t dependent on others for companionship and entertainment all the time but instead can be happy alone.

 12. They Don’t Feel the World Owes Them Anything 
Mentally strong people don’t feel entitled to things in life. They weren’t born with a mentality that others would take care of them or that the world must give them something. Instead, they look for opportunities based on their own merits.

 13. They Don’t Expect Immediate Results 
Whether they are working on improving their health or getting a new business off the ground, mentally strong people don’t expect immediate results. Instead, they apply their skills and time to the best of their ability and understand that real change takes time.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Photographer Puts Two Strangers Together For Intimate Photographs, And The Results Are Surprising

Photographer Richard Renaldi takes random people he meets on the street of New York City and asks them to pose in pictures together as if they were family members, friends or lovers.

 The subjects are only asked to look like they are showing a brief amount of affection, but the facial expressions and body language within the photos make it seem like these strangers not only know each other, but also share some sort of genuine bond.

This unorthodox recipe for truly magical moments speaks volumes about both art and humanity.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

A lot of acquaintance who suffer my similar predicament confided in me that they can't stand browsing their Facebook accounts.
Knowing that their ex-classmates and friends/ acquaintances are busy living a productive and fun life just adds salt to their pain.
I can understand the feeling but I very quickly, almost instantaneously recognise that feeling as jealousy.
And it's wrong.
It's normal as we're all human, but it's also wrong.

I remember sharing this pain with my counsellor years ago. 
She asked, "How does that make you feel?" - the standard counsellor response.
I answered, "They worked hard, obviously they deserve to be where they are. I guess this pain in internally inflicted, that's why it hurts even more."
"What I'm trying to say is, I blame myself and yet, I know I've done nothing wrong.
Why didn't I fight harder? Why did I allow myself to be victimised?
The guilt is killing me inside."

Back to present.
Why this post?
I was browsing my Facebook.
I saw photos of my ex-classmate who was very close in proximity with the instructor whom I'm currently having a crush on.
What a small world.
The photos were taken on the same year I was on my 3rd relapse.
13 years ago, we were doing the exact same thing.
Now, look how different things have turned out for us.

On a different note, I bought a slice of birthday cake for LC.
She was really surprised that I remembered.
I'm glad I did.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

By Jonathan Lareau

1. Nothing is permanent.
 Yet we are programmed for the opposite. We want life to feel safe and secure, and permanence gives us the illusion that it is. The reality is that nothing is permanent, and the only thing we know we can count on is change. The more we push for permanence in life, against the current, the more disappointed we become when we find it is not achievable to the extent we think it should be. But if we can accept the fluidity of life, everything changes.

 2. Time heals.
 Why is it that life can look hopeful one day, and so very dark the next? Very little of my actual situation has changed from one day to the next. But my perception of it can change minute by minute based on how I am feeling in that moment—tired or rested, peaceful or angry, whole or damaged. I am learning not to overreact in the moment, or make important decisions when I am feeling down.

 3. Practice gratitude.
 In the midst of turbulence, I have a strong tendency to dwell on the negative. And then everything looks dark and it snowballs. But there are always things to be grateful for in life—my friends, my health, my relationships, my next meal.
 I often think back to my time in Mozambique and remember the crippling poverty that most people live with there every day. And yet they are, by and large, a happy people. We can make a huge difference in our state of mind by focusing more on what we do have, how lucky we are, and counting our blessings.

 4. Be gentle with yourself. I am my own worst critic, focusing on my perceived failings and inadequacies. All this does, I have found, is reinforce the bad. And by reinforcing it, that is the reality I create for myself. So I am slowly learning to cut myself some slack, and perhaps even like who I am. What a concept! There is a direct correlation between how we treat ourselves, and how we are with others out in the world. This is how we can learn to love.

 5. Be here, now. I have a lifelong tendency to look back or forward—anything but being present. Guilt and shame looks back, worry and anxiety look ahead. In either case, it is wasted energy. If I feel that I need to do something to set things right, then I should simply do it, then let it go and not allow these feelings to linger. For me, engaging in activities that force me to stay present helps: skiing, surfing, singing. 

6. Give up control.
 We can plan all we want, but there are much bigger forces at work out there. And the bigger plan for us may not coincide with what we think should happen or the planned timetable we have in our head. I will have faith that the universe wants to help me. My job is to see it, step out of the way, and let it work its magic.

 7. Be yourself.
 I have been a people pleaser for most of my life. There all kinds of expectations out there about what I should do, how I should do it, who I should be, and how I should fit in. And it is impossible for me to keep up, to satisfy everyone else. Far easier for me to finally learn just to be me, and to be comfortable with who that is. We can provide ourselves with a great deal of peace by learning to be ourselves and letting the chips fall where they may.

 8. Eat. Sleep. Exercise.
 This may seem basic, but when my life is in turmoil, I find that these can be the first to go out the window. I skip meals, or eat badly. My sleep suffers and when I am not rested, my whole perspective changes for the worse. That’s usually when I make bad decisions. I feel lethargic and tend to want to skip exercise. But these three are all connected, and they are some of the few things we actually can control to some degree. And when we force ourselves to practice good self-care, we feel better, stronger, and life seems brighter.

 9. Don’t fight the pain.
It’s taken me a long time to learn this one. And I have a history of doing or using anything I can to not feel the pain. I know this doesn’t work because when I mask the pain, it never leaves. It just gets stronger, and comes out in other ways. Pain needs to be acknowledged. And by letting ourselves feel it, it loses its grip, and passes through us much more quickly. I have certainly not mastered any of these, but underpinning it all is a sense of heightened awareness about the feelings I have, and I’m beginning to recognize where these feelings come from. This is the first step in learning, accepting, and rolling with the changes that life offers up.
“Rooftopping” sounds completely made up, but these pictures taken from death-defying heights are real. Men and woman risk their lives, sneak through security and break the law to take pictures of things that you thought weren’t possible.

Taken from    
 To get the perfect shots, Tom Ryaboi even dresses in attire that is normal for the building. He’ll sneak through office buildings dressed in suits, or through construction sites dressed as a worker.

Monday, November 11, 2013

“You sleep happy. This kind of experience, money can’t buy,”

The 26-year-old professional hairstylist, a volunteer with the Pertiwi soup kitchen, bantered with several homeless people as they queued up for a free haircut on a hot, sticky night at Kota Raya.
 So why does she do this?
Quite simply, Azmina wants the homeless to “look good” despite living on the streets.

 “I treat them like my clients, not as homeless people,” Azmina told The Malay Mail Online recently, as she put her clippers to work underneath fluorescent lights.
 “The human touch is very important… when I touch their hair, I feel comfortable. So, they feel comfortable too,” she said, as she talked about an old man who used to fall asleep whenever she cut his hair.
 Azmina has been cutting hair for the homeless for a year, after she spent two years doing other volunteer duties like monitoring the drinks station at the Pertiwi mobile soup kitchen that goes to Chow Kit, Kota Raya and Masjid India four times a week.

“You sleep happy. This kind of experience, money can’t buy,” she said.
 She said that her mother used to tell her to use gloves when cutting hair for the homeless, to which she would say:
“What if I cut your hair with gloves? How would you feel?”
The young woman pointed out that contrary to popular belief, the homeless were generally very clean. “There is no smell or lice, except that it’s greasy if they don’t wash their hair for weeks,” said Azmina.
As most of her clients are men, Azmina’s 25-year-old male cousin, who wished only to be known as Ali, acts as her “bodyguard.”
 “They don’t need the haircut sometimes; they just want the human touch,” said Ali, as he swept up excess hair from the floor.
 After their haircut, Azmina’s clients walk away looking visibly better than when they were queuing up. It is true that a good haircut can make you feel better about yourself. -

See more at:

Sunday, November 10, 2013

When I stare at myself in the mirror at the gym, I ask myself,
"Who would have guessed this young lady struggles with dark thoughts and anxiety?"
At gym, I'm this bubbly energetic friendly lady. 
I'm not faking it. I'm just 'fighting' the negative feeling that is killing me inside, it's the only defense I have.
It's a coping mechanism - to make my life less miserable. 

I've been making effort to smile more and introducing myself to the regulars at gym.
**counting with fingers, I have 6 names.

I'm just trying to live.
That's all.

Btw, I think I might have a crush on a certain instructor there.
Hmm... I wonder if this might be hazardous for my already messed up mind.
What if I imagine things?
Oh no... maybe I've already started to...

Friday, November 08, 2013

1. Saying “thank you” when someone does something little-but-kind throughout your day. When someone holds a door, helps you grab something, or lets you go first, they didn’t have to do that, and making sure to thank them will make them want to do it more. 

2. Doing those little-but-kind things yourself throughout the day. When you’re at that weird moment of “Do I or don’t I hold open this door for the person who is a little bit behind me,” do it. 

3. Smiling at children who are smiling or looking at you. Kids are perfect, in that they think most people are generally good and nice, so don’t shatter that image by frowning or looking away from them. 

4. Listening to music for the mood you want to be in, instead of the mood you actually are in. If you want to cheer yourself up, don’t sulk with Death Cab albums from your high school “artist” phase — put on some Disney soundtracks! 

5. Giving someone at least one honest compliment per day, about something other than their weight if possible. (Even if someone lost weight, it’s much better to say “You look great!” rather than comment directly on the pounds, because that often comes with a lot of baggage.) 

6. Putting more fruits and vegetables on your plate, and eating those first before treating yourself to the less-healthy things. Making the choice to eat better is often very simple, and only involves being more smart about what you put in front of you. 

7. Answering your text messages right away (even if they stress you out), because you know how you feel when someone leaves you hanging. Also, you have a tendency to say “I’ll get to this later” and then forget about it completely, and that’s just rude. 

8. Putting your alarm across the room so that you have to get up and go turn it off and can’t accidentally hit “off” in your sleep and never actually wake up. 

9. Saying “hi” to your neighbors when you see them, and maybe even asking how their day was because, come on, you basically live together. 

10. Preparing breakfasts, snacks, or lunches to take with you throughout the week. There’s only one way to avoid paying a lot of money to eat terribly at the last minute, and that’s by planning ahead. 

11. Not obsessing over the stupid/embarrassing thing you said two years ago to keep you from sleeping or make you freak out in the shower. (My technique with this one is to actually say the thing out loud, laugh at myself, and force myself to think about something else.) 

12. Calling, texting, emailing, or in some way acknowledging your parents and find out what they’re up to today/let them know that you love them. 

13. Freezing grapes, because that shit is delicious. 

14. Writing down a list — ideally on a dry erase board or something, where you can see it every day — of the things you need to do. And actually going through this list, one by one, and checking them off. I promise, it feels almost better than sex to see the whole thing crossed out. 

15. Telling a friend you love them, or you’re thinking about them, or you hope they’re doing well. 

16. Pointing out at least one thing in the mirror that you actually like about yourself, and that you’re excited to see. 

17. Reminding yourself that the body you have is more than just an object for people to observe, it’s also an amazing thing that allows you to run, jump, hug, eat, and exist in this world. 

18. Finding at least one thing on the internet to get excited or happy about, instead of just surrounding yourself with negative information, things and people to criticize, or hate-reads that you use to feel righteously angry. 

19. Stretching. Especially in the morning. 

20. Taking at least a few minutes out of your day to think about things that you are happy about, things you can improve, and this you want to do differently tomorrow. Allow the feeling of gratitude to fill you up and motivate you to carry the good things over and leave the pointlessly negative things behind. 

21. Realizing that you are not perfect, that no one else is, and that it should never be your goal. The more you compare yourself to people you think are happier or more successful, the more you turn them into characters and not human beings. Every single person you pass on the street is real and has their own story, and their own flaws. Remembering that they’re struggling, too is the quickest way to make yourself a better person.

Taken from thought catalog

Thursday, November 07, 2013

Brazilian soccer fans throws garbage onto a dumpster were a poverty-stricken girl who was rummaging for food outside of a stadium after a soccer match in Brazil.
 "There's a woman eating something inside a dumpster because she's poor, while people are going to watch an expensive football match.
I've seen that scene many times in my life in Brazil. THAT'S the problem."
And: "I think this should be a high-priority problem instead of spending a lot of money with stadiums, hotels and other expenses that no one will use them after the World Cup."
Quoted by the photographer, Edimar Soares.

 Facing a double mastectomy with grace takes courage.
Facing one with courage and joy is extraordinary.
 But that’s exactly what Deborah Cohan did yesterday right before she went into surgery to have her breasts removed. Cohan, an Ob/Gyn and mom of two, held a dance party with her medical team in the operating room of Mt. Zion Hospital in San Francisco.
 This inspiring 6-minute-long video of the fete, posted on YouTube, shows Cohan busting some serious moves as she wiggles and twerks to Beyonce’s hit “Get Me Bodied.” Cohan requested that friends and family make videos of themselves dancing to Bey too so that she could watch them during her recovery.

 “I have visions of a healing video montage,” she wrote. “Nothing brings me greater joy than catalyzing others to dance, move, be in their bodies. Are you with me people?” They were.
Taken from

Wednesday, November 06, 2013

I am one of the officers in this picture. My friend found it in your book and pointed it out to me.
The victim under the sheet was a woman in her late fifties.
She was Miss Austria in her early 20's and a contestant in the Miss World pageant.
At the time of her death she was destitute and alone, but still carried her passport with a photo of her at the peak of her beauty.
She was stunning.
On October 22nd of last year, wandering the halls of the building she had chosen for her last act, she had looked for an open window at the record company that produces Maroon Five.
Asked to leave, she found one a floor above in a hallway, took sleeping pills, sat on the ledge in the sunlight for about ten minutes, then leaned forward.
Anyway, thanks for the photo. It is one of those souvenirs of one's life that come to be valuable because it has unexpectedly captured a moment of you doing your life's work, genuine and unrehearsed.

"I wish that when I was young, I'd have absorbed more of the world. And less of my world."
Taken from Humans of New York

Monday, November 04, 2013

The finalist are practising their prom dance at the lobby. You know, when they are in a group, the good looking people look like they are an independent species of their own. =)
The opposite of depression is not happiness. It’s being present. Meg Weidner
I dine out alone a lot.
I like the company of strangers.
They feed my imagination and I get distracted from my own dark thoughts.

This afternoon, a young family of three shared a table with me. (it's a common practice to share tables in budget eat-outs)
It's such a blessing to witness such a harmonious family dining together.
The couple is still very much in love - yes, I shamelessly eavesdropped in their conversations and I noticed how they shared their food.
And they adored their lovely toddler daughter.
The daughter had a nice set of Hello Kitty eating utensils, which is very fitting to her eating needs.

Such a lovely family.
Part of Terry Fox’s 1979 letter to Adidas asking for 26 pairs of running shoes Terry Fox’s Marathon of Hope kicked off 33 years ago today in Newfoundland. 
In an earnest, Fox described his training and belief in miracles in a letter to Adidas requesting sponsorship.

"The people in cancer clinics all over the world need people who believe in miracles.
I’m not a dreamer, and I’m not saying that this will initiate the definitive answer or cure to cancer, but I believe in miracles.
I have to.

Yours Sincerely, Terry Fox "

Friday, November 01, 2013

Psychological Recovery by Peter Caputi
Pg 154 – while it may be too early to claim unequivocally that everyone can recover from serious mental illness, there is not way of determining that any individual can not recover. The hope and the opportunity to live beyond mental illness must be there for everyone. Recovery should be the expectation.

Pg32 – the struggle can enrich us or it can make us bitter. As I talk with others thus afflicted, it is my gut feeling that this struggle has not embittered most of us nor defeated us, but has made us more compassionate, sensitive and courageous. We have also learned some valuable lessons along the way.

Pg 100 – If we didn’t accept our journey as a difficult one, we’d spend all our time and energy damning he journey, having nothing left to take on and overcome and heal the illness that makes that same journey so momentarily painful and challenging.(Watson)

Pg 34 - But a role is empty and valueless unless you fill it with your meaning and your purpose. Our task is not to become normal. You have the wonderfully terrifying task of becoming who you are called to be.
Pg 95 – This is the paradox of recovery: in accepting what we cannot do or be, we begin to discover who we can be and what we can do.(Deegan)

Pg 81- it feels like I haven’t lost touch with me altogether. That I am still wandering around in there an that I just have a little more work to do to find me, but you know maybe if I get up and go and search I’m there somewhere. And little by little I will find me again. (Young&Ensing)

Pg 85 – One must give serious thought to what he/she wants out of life and define what recovery means for him/herself – and pursue it. Once the person has an increased sense of agency and a sense of direction for their life, they are ready to take more concrete steps towards getting their life back on track.

Pg 93 – I managed to hold down many part-time and full time jobs. I knew I wasn’t functioning at my best but i pushed throught the depression and anxiety and proved to myself that I could be effective even when I was less than 100%. This was an important step and it was risky. (Weingarten)

Monday, October 28, 2013

I feel my heart bleeding.
I feel my heart being constantly suppressed.
It's aching.
But I can't tell anyone, because it's nothing I haven't told before.
I have nothing new to tell.
It's all too familiar.
I'm tired of myself.
Worst of all, I look down upon myself.
Millions out there who are suffering worse predicament, so what do I have to complain about?
I know, depression isn't logic.
But rationale is the only thing that can keep me going.
If I hold on to emotions - well, that'll just kill me.

I'm still living my life.
Going for work.
Going to gym.
I'm still living.
I'm still walking.
There is no other way.