Saturday, June 29, 2013

After watching this video, I was so determined that I'd make some changes in my everyday choices, that I actually went for my first blind date !
It was a roller coaster ride I'd never take again.
I immediately close my account with that dating agency.
Oddly enough, also like a roller coaster ride - I didn't regret going for it.
Hmmm... it was.... well.... an experience.
I congratulated myself for daring to do things.

So today, I saw a facebook invitation to a free talk nearby my workplace.
I just browsed through the summary, my attention was only attracted to the part where it promises improvement in social skills.
So, I went.
Mainly because it was FREE.
Half an hour into the talk, only did I realised that my selective attention span had totally ignored the part the talk was also about 'attracting the right men' .
One hour into the talk, I realised that a VERY BIG part of the talk was about attracting men.
Two hours into the talk, OMG it was all about HOW to attract men.
I have nothing against this, but it's definitely not something I'd pay for-which was the main purpose of the 'talk'.
It was actually a preview for the organizers to attract its potential clients to sign up for their services.
I was a little disappointed as the talk dragged on for 4 hours and only a pinch of information was relevant in my life.

Again, no regrets.
I came home and ran for an hour.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Capture and store...

"It's wonderful how one defining moment in our lives helps us get through other hurdles thrown at us.
I think it's the confidence and self believe we acquire from getting through that particular moment.
 It's really wonderful.
Perhaps shocking ourselves by stepping so way out our comfort zone gives us the courage to explore further. Probably not the best technique.
But heroes are usually born when the opportunity arises to make the choice to become one.
Most times, we surprise ourselves, we never knew we had it in us until we are tested.
You, as the few close friends I have are a diamond.
Friction from life will make you sparkle."

Thank you Anonymous.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

"All the other children at my school are stupid. Except I’m not meant to call them stupid, even though this is what they are. I’m meant to say that they have learning difficulties or that they have special needs.
But this is stupid because everyone has learning difficulties because learning to speak French or understanding relativity is difficult and also everyone has special needs, like Father, who has to carry a little packet of artificial sweetening tablets around with him to put in his coffee to stop him from getting fat, or Mrs. Peters, who wears a beige-colored hearing aid, or Siobhan, who has glasses so thick that they give you a headache if you borrow them, and none of these people are Special Needs, even if they have special needs."

 “And I know I can do this because I went to London on my own, and because I solved the mystery…and I was brave and I wrote a book and that means I can do anything.”

 ― Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

Friday, June 21, 2013

I fell ill for a couple of days.
Couldn't exercise.
Have not been to gym for 5 consecutive days. (that's a lot, given my previous week record)
Hence, I was feeling really down.
The recent change in work structure and job scope made me nervous too.
Many people are leaving the organisation.

I chatted with my father.
I told him that my biggest worry is my inevitable relapse that is just waiting for me.

"Well, if it happens, it can't possibly be your fault. You've done all that you can."

Coming from my father, that really meant a lot.
And I really needed to hear that.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

After this experience, I found two other colleague/friends who enjoys goofing around the karaoke scene just as much as I do.
 We went again last weekend.
For the past few days, I kept singing the same songs that we sang that night repeatedly.
People around me were wondering why am I in such good mood.

I realised something.
 I'm singing not because I'm in a good mood.
I'm in a good mood because I'm singing.

Years ago, I learnt about the behaviour + emotions + thoughts correlation in CBT.

But it is only now that I understand.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

After Earth

Excellent movie. Cried a lot.

Cypher Raige: Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me danger is very real but fear is a choice. We are all telling ourselves a story and that day mine changed.

Root yourself in this present moment. Now. sight, sound, smell.
What do you feel?

Friday, June 14, 2013

Amazing story in the news. The talented paintings of 3-year old Iris Grace Halmshaw who has autism and cannot speak, has been a global phenomenon. When her mother saw her work, and was quite stunned by their quality, she posted them on Facebook - and they've been selling around the globe. A charity auction in London sold one of her framed prints for more than $1000!

This darling little girl had open heart surgery less than 24 hours before this photo was taken. When asked why she was up and out of bed so quickly, she said that her Hello Kitty slippers make everything better! The spirit of a child is a beautiful thing isn't it! Don't you wanna just give her a hug?!

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Two blind people were unable to open a tap of water at RagiGudda temple in India. Watching them beging unable to operate the tap, this mother monkey came and opened the tap for them, allowed them to drink water, drank some water herself and then closed the tap before leaving the scene.

Sunday, June 09, 2013

Brené Brown _ I am Enough

“… I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness (that’s what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness, they have a strong sense of love and belonging), and folks who struggled for it (folks who are always wondering if they’re good enough).

There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggled for it … and that was that people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging.  That’s it.  They believe they’re worthy.”

"They fully embrace their vulnerability. They believe what made them vulnerable, made them beautiful. Vulnerability was necessary."

“I have a vulnerability issue, and I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness.  But it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, creativity, of belonging, love …”
"They are willing to do things where there are no guarantees."
How do the “Whole Hearted” live?
 With courage, compassion, and conviction.  Most importantly, they have the ability to let go of who they thought they should be, to become who they already are.

Here’s what Brene found, what “worthy” people had in common:

Courage –  “A strong sense of courage.  … They had the courage to tell the story of who they are with their whole heart … These folks had very simply the courage to be imperfect.”
Compassion – “They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first, and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly.”
Connection – “And, the last was they had connection.  And this was the hard part — as a result of authenticity.  They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be, in order to be who they were, which is, you have to absolutely do that, for connection.”

"We can't selectively numb our feelings.
When we numb the negativity, we numb gratitude, happiness..."
“There’s another way, and I’ll leave you with this.
This is what I found … to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, the vulnerable side, to love with our whole hearts even thought there’s no guarantee, and that’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent that it’s excruciatingly hard, to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of a kind of terror when we’re wondering can I love you this much, can I believe in this as passionately, can I be this fierce about this, just to be able to stop, and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say,
 ‘I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive, … and the last, which I think is probably the most important … is to believe that we’re enough.
Because when you work from a place, I believe, that says ‘I’m enough’, then ……we stop screaming and start listening, we kindler and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.

Saturday, June 08, 2013

Max - (although this isn't his real name, this was the actual name he used when he introduced himself to me) was a someone I got to know from the ward.
Hardly kept in-touch, but there were some email correspondence sporadically and thinly spread out since 2005 - which is already a lot for any of my acquaintances from this background.

He used to read my blog.
If he still does, I hope he'd read this post as my way of sending kind regards to him.

The last we communicated, he told me about his relapse.
I felt very sorry and worried for him.
I still do.

Two years ago he was in Nottingham, England -pursuing his Masters.
From the stories he was relating to me, I could feel his elation and hopefulness.
Among his new found activities was Zumba.
He explained to me what it was (I didn't know) and how great it made him feel.
He even shyly told me about his crush on a lady who also takes the class.
I was so happy for him.
I really thought that things were really looking up for him.
How unfortunate that he relapsed.

Now, each time I see people dancing Zumba in the gym, I'd think of him.
I fervently hope that he'd find his peace, joy and hopefullness once again.
I will never forget this date.
The day I drove myself to the psychiatric clinic.
Today, I was reminded of this date.

I met the girl whom I was giving tuition to during that period of time.
I was supposed to teach her that day but I was unexpectedly warded.
I vividly recall the imagery memory of calling her mother from the ward itself.

She's now very much older.
She's uncomfortable with me and don't know how to respond each time I greet her - we live on the same street.
Poor girl.

During 2005-2006, I was going through a nightmare.
There was a few weeks where I was actually screaming at home - I was out of control.
Now I know that I was wrongly diagnosed and treated, and I was reacting badly to the medication.

Well, I now hope that at least each time she sees me jog by she'd know I'm actually quite harmless.
As I continued jogging, I realised that I'm more jaded towards how my neighbours might view me.
I used to be very afraid to be seen by the neighbours as there are many gossip-mongering housewives.
Now, I really don't care.
I have ran passed the gossiping housewives pack leader many times while distinctively avoiding eye-contact with her.
She's a real bitch.
She had even once asked me how I had lost weight, in a very friendly BFF manner.
She really disgust me.

I am just glad that I had chosen to run than to hide.

Monday, June 03, 2013

他爬過來不是討飯 而是爬過來*捐款*
【做人應有的心】 他爬過來不是討飯 而是爬過來捐款

他得到的不是一份憐憫 , 而是一份尊重 !

Everyone can Give...

Saturday, June 01, 2013

Lion loves his rescuer!

The woman in the video found the lion, injured in the forest, on the verge of death. She took the lion home with her and nursed it back to health. Later, when the lion was better, she made arrangements with a zoo to take the lion. Some time passed before the woman had a chance to visit the zoo. This video was taken when she walked up to the lion's cage to see how he was doing.