This really DOES feel happy.......

News anchor learns of friend Erich Shih's suicide while reporting it live on-air

CtiTV reporter Erich Shih was found dead in his home in Taipei on Thursday of a suspected suicide, with the newsreader having to report the details surrounding it.

Lee Chingyu, a news anchor for Taiwan's Next TV News, recently learned of her friend's suicide during a live broadcast.
She admirably manages to make it through the item but is clearly fighting back tears.
The captions read:

"Breakings news just in. It is reported that the CtiTVs news anchor Eric Shih has been found today in his house - committed suicide with plastic bag over his head. There was no note. His wife became extremely distraught since she found out the fact. The case is being investigated by the Taipei City police department, we will keep you updated."

He had to pick the BBQ Korean restaurant where the booths are closely connected.
I was hoping for a quieter environment.
I'm not comfortable having to speak so loud and having unwilling audience around me.
Sigh.
We had small talks.
30 minutes into dinner- I was looking at my plate.
"Why? You're sleepy?", he asked.
"No. I don't know how to start."

He looked at me intently.
I was relieved that he was well aware what is troubling me.
I took a deep breath and started.
It felt the same way how I had fumbled my public speaking during school.
I was stuttering.
I was at lost for words too many times.
But he remained patient and waited for me to finish.
Then, he shared a lot about living in the present and not worrying too much into the future as it's out of our hands.
He even gave several real-life-cases to illustrate his point.
For that, I'm very glad.

CLY, I'm very grateful to you.
I really admire your maturity.
You have taught me a lot.
I'm glad to have met you.

My sis asked me, "So, no more dates after this?"
"I don't know. But thanks to him, I'm really not going to stress about it."
"I'm just going with the flow."

Best part?

 I really meant it.

My philosophy for a happy life: Sam Berns

"What daily challenges of Progeria do you face?"
And I’d like to say that, even though I have Progeria, most of my time is spent thinking about things
that have nothing to do with Progeria at all.
Now this doesn’t mean that I ignore the negative aspects of these obstacles.
When I can’t do something like run a long distance, or go on an intense roller coaster, I know what I’m missing out on.
But instead, I choose to focus on the activities that I can do through things that I’m passionate about,

However, sometimes I need to find a different way to do something by making adjustments,

and I want to put those things in the "can do" category.

The next aspect to my philosophy is that I surround myself with people I want to be with, people of high quality.

Now we’re kind of goofy, a lot of us are band geeks, but we really enjoy each other’s company,

and we help each other out when we need to.

We see each other for who we are on the inside.

What I love about being in a group like the band, is that the music that we make together, is true, is genuine, and it supersedes Progeria.

Here’s a quote by a man you may know, named Walt Disney, and it’s one of my favorite quotes.

"I always try to have something to look forward to.

Something to strive for to make my life richer. "

It doesn’t have to be big. It could be anything from looking forward to the next comic book to come out,

or going on a large family vacation, or hanging out with my friends, to going to the next High School football game. 

However, all of these things keep me focused, and know that there’s a bright future ahead,

and may get me through some difficult times that I may be having.

Keep moving forward.

Now this mentality includes staying in a forward thinking state of mind.

I try hard not to waste energy feeling badly for myself, because when I do, I get stuck in a paradox, where there’s no room for any happiness or any other emotion.

Now, it’s not that I ignore when I’m feeling badly,

I kind of accept it,

I let it in, so that I can acknowledge it, and do what I need to do to move past it.

When I was younger, I wanted to be an engineer.

I wanted to be an inventor, who would catapult the world into a better future.

And sometimes I had to be brave, and it wasn’t always easy.

Sometimes I faltered, I had bad days, but I realized that being brave isn’t supposed to be easy.

And for me, I feel it’s the key way to keep moving forward.

So with this philosophy, I hope that all of you, regardless of your obstacles,

can have a very happy life as well.

Oh, wait, hang on a second,

one more piece of advice –-

Never miss a party if you can help it.

My school’s homecoming dance is tomorrow night, and I will be there.

Thank you very much.

I seriously have trouble parting with my things which had served me well.
I'm too sentimental.

I have been wearing this pair of shoes for almost a year.
A lot of people had given their unsolicited opinion that it's too old fashioned and it's not suitable for me.
"But it's so comfortable !" - my usual retaliation.

As you can see in the pic above, the heel is worn out and I needed to get a new pair.
I bought 'safe' choice -a pair of black loafers.
I told the retail assistant not to bag it as I'm going to wear it immediately.
Just as I was about to throw away my previous pair, I sat at the bench and decided to put it on one last time, as seen above.
Gosh ! It's still so much more comfortable compared to the new one.
We have been together for so long, inevitably it has shaped into my feet.
I couldn't throw it away just yet.
I went back to the store to get a bag for the new pair.
My old shoes is still with me.
=)
I'm just not ready to say goodbye.

"Your genes are not your fate " ---

Dr. Dean Ornish

##One way to change our genes is to make new ones,as Craig Venter has so elegantly shown.
Another is to change our lifestyles.
And what we're learning is how powerful and dynamic these changes can be, that you don't have to wait very long to see the benefits.
When you eat healthier, manage stress, exercise and love more,your brain actually gets more blood flow and more oxygen. 
But more than that, your brain gets measurably bigger. 
Now, there's some things that you can do to make your brain grow new brain cells. 
Some of my favorite things, like chocolate and tea, blueberries, alcohol in moderation, stress management and cannabinoids found in marijuana....
Your skin gets more blood flow when you change your lifestyle, so you age less quickly. 
Your skin doesn't wrinkle as much. 
Your heart gets more blood flow.
............Well, our genes are not our fate, and if we make these changes --they're a predisposition -- but if we make bigger changes than we might have made otherwise, we can actually change how our genes are expressed. ##

I really think it's serendipity that I should come across this TedX talk right after I had explained to CYL about my hereditary mental illness genes.

"We may not achieve everything we dream,

but we will not achieve anything unless we dream."

----------Joel Neoh

Found this on Facebook. It is uncredited. I can't really make out the artist's signature.

I am Sam ! Take the quiz here...

I told him.

He replied immediately. - (plus point)
But his messages was rather disappointing. - (minus point)
Ttyl. Am rushing for my report." - (neutral point)

I don't know what I was expecting.
Just not this.
However, now that I have told him,
there is peace within me.

I confided in my sister as I desperately needed to vent my anxiety.

"You took a risk.

Now, let's see if he was worth it."

--says wise sis.

I reread my most recent post about my date with CLY.
Wow. It sounded much better than I remembered it to be.
Dang. I'm a good writer.
Hahaha.

Anyway, I've been thinking about the particular childhood incident he shared with me.
It's a piece of scarred history that'd remained vividly in his childhood memory.
It was very sad indeed.
It's one of those tragic incidents that you'd remember for life.
Incidents which you'd inevitably repeat to your therapist.
Or your biographer if you become famous.

It's very admirable seeing how well he's doing today.
Bravo, CLY.

I went out with CLY yesterday.
"So Cinderella, can you make it tomorrow for lunch?"

***Cinderella - he noticed that I get anxious when it's getting late.

"Sure. Prince Charming."

When we met, it was already 3pm.
He was following my lead as I wanted to go to a quieter place.
He asked, "So have you had your lunch?"
"No."
"Come."
All of a sudden he took charge and I was trailing behind.
I had no idea he was familiar with this place. (it's closer to my home)
I squealed in delight when we were at the entrance.
He took me to a DimSum restaurant. (I mentioned my fondness of this food in our previous dates.)
It was very special.

CLY really went into the details of his work.
I think he wanted me to understand his work pressure and that he can't meet up with me as often as he likes
...OR...
this dude seriously needs a 101 lesson in choosing conversation topics during dates. =)
Luckily, I'm an inquisitive person by nature, so my attentiveness was genuine.

Then, our conversation moved on to our families.
I spoke of my disappointment with my brother at surface level.
Just when I was about the vent into the details, (thank gawd!) I cautioned myself of dating etiquette, and decided to change the topic, and I asked about his relationship with his siblings.
Unexpectedly, he really opened up.
He revealed a lot of the skeletons in his family closets to me.

To be honest, I was impressed with his courage and frankness.
It means something for a guy to be willingly vulnerable in the presence a lady.

Yup, over thinking again...

8 Things Unhappy People Refuse to Admit

1.  They struggle with self-respect.
Decide this minute to never again beg anyone for the love, respect, and attention that you should be showing yourself.  Be your own best friend.  Trust your inner spirit and follow your instincts.  Accept who you are completely, the good and the bad, and make changes in your life as YOU see fit – not because you think anyone else wants you to be different, but because you know it’s the right thing to do, for YOU.

Be the person you will be happy to live with for the duration of your life.  Don’t rely on your significant other, or anyone else, for your happiness and self-worth.  Know that our first and last love is always self-love, and that if you can’t love and respect yourself, no one else will be able to either.

2.  They are self-conscious about what others think of them.
The minute you stop overwhelming your mind with caring about what everyone else thinks, and start doing what you feel in your heart is right, is the minute you will finally feel freedom and peace of mind.  In fact, you can end half your troubles immediately by no longer permitting people to tell you what you want.

You have to put your life in your own hands.  Others may be able hold your happiness hostage temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.  

3.  They are holding on to old grudges.
You will never find peace until you learn to finally let go of the hatred and hurt that lives in your heart.  Life is far too short to be spent in nursing bitterness and registering wrongs.  Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, on the other hand, is for those who are confident enough to stand on their own two legs and move on.

In order to move on, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way.  It’s about accepting the past, letting it be, and pushing your spirit forward with good intentions.  Nothing empowers your ability to heal and grow as much as your love and forgiveness.

4.  The routines they follow imprison them.
Remember that the way you’ve always done it isn’t the only way.  It’s unlikely that one of the things you’ll regret when you’re 70 is not having consumed enough beer in your 20s, or not having bought enough $6 lattes from Starbucks, or not having frequented the same night club for years.  But the regret of missing out on opportunities is a real, toxic feeling.

The bottom line is that you’ve figured out drinking and going out.  You’ve had enough lattes.  It’s time to figure something else out.  Every corner you turn or street you walk down has a new experience waiting for you.  You just have to see the opportunity and be adventurous enough to run with it.  (Read Eat, Pray, Love.)

5.  There’s a lot they can’t control (even though they try).
Life is often unpredictable.  Some of the great moments in your life won’t necessarily be the things you do; they’ll be things that happen to you.  That doesn’t mean you can’t take action to affect the outcome of your life.  You have to take action, and you will.  But don’t forget that on any day, you can step out the front door and your whole life can change in an instant – for better or worse.

To an extent, the universe has a plan that’s always in motion.  A butterfly flaps its wings and it starts to rain – it’s a scary thought, but it’s part of life’s cycle.  All these little parts of the machine, constantly working – sometimes forcing you to struggle, and sometimes making sure you end up exactly in the right place at the right time.

6.  They let their fears numb them from life’s goodness.
“Numbing” is any activity that you use to desensitize your feelings so that you don’t experience vulnerability or hurt.  But by numbing yourself to vulnerability, you also numb yourself to love, belonging, empathy, creativity, adventure and all of life’s goodness.

Remember, every worthwhile venture in life – intimate love, friendship, a new business, etc. – is scary.  These things are inherently risky.  They are unsafe.  These things aren’t for the faint of heart.  They take courage.  And most importantly, they can’t coexist with fear.  When you open up to life’s greatest opportunities and joys it means you’re also giving life the opportunity to break your heart, but trusting that it won’t… that the risk is well worth the reward.

7.  They are addicted to avoiding themselves in the present moment.
This is something we all struggle with sometimes.  It’s also the root cause of nearly all of our unhappiness.

One of the hardest challenges we face in life is to simply live in our own skin – to just be right here, right now, regardless of where we are.  Too often we needlessly distract ourselves with anything and everything: food, booze, shopping, television, tabloid news, online social networks, video games, cell phones, iPods, etc. – basically anything to keep us from being fully present in the current moment.

We use compulsive work, compulsive exercise, compulsive love affairs, and the like, to escape from ourselves and the realities of living.  In fact, many of us will go to great lengths to avoid the feeling of being alone in an undistracted environment.  So we succumb to hanging-out with just about anybody to avoid the feeling of solitude.  For being alone means dealing with our true feelings: fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on and so forth.

And it doesn’t really matter if our feelings are positive or negative – they are overwhelming and exhausting, and so we prefer to numb ourselves to them.  The bottom line is that we are all addicted to avoiding ourselves.  Acknowledging this addiction is the first step to healing it.  So begin today by just noticing with curiosity, and without judgment, all of the ways in which you avoid being in your own skin, right here, right now, in this present moment we call life.  (Read The Power of Now.)

8.  The grass isn’t greener anywhere else.
If you feel anxious because you constantly feel like you’re missing out on something happening somewhere else, you’re not alone.  We all feel this way sometimes – like the grass is greener somewhere else at this very moment.  But let me assure you, you could run around trying to do everything, and travel around the world, and always stay connected, and work and party all night long without sleep, but you could never do it all.  You will always be missing something, and thus it will always seem like something wonderful might be happening elsewhere.

So let it go, and realize you have everything right now.  The best in life isn’t somewhere else; it’s right where you are, at this moment.  Celebrate the perhaps not so insignificant fact that you are alive right now.  This moment, and who you are, is absolutely perfect.  Take a deep breath, smile, and notice the green grass under your own two feet.

Taken from marcandangel.com

Taken from Lebanon's refugee schools provide hope for Syria's lost generation by Martin Chulov
Each morning at 8am, Ahmed stirs from his blanket on the soil and walks about a mile to the morning shift. Sometimes his two sisters go with him. More children soon join him from nearby potato fields and tents, on their way to the first of the day's three school sessions. A second wave of small children carrying oversized blue school bags appears at noon, and another in the late afternoon.

Ahmed is usually met with a bear hug from a Lebanese social worker, Maria, who for the past two years has been part social worker, part disciplinarian and, more often than not, mother figure for him and the other Syrian children who attend this makeshift school house in the heart of the Bekaa Valley.
All the children are refugees, most have lost at least one parent, and every one has a story of deprivation and loss. But all seems to be forgotten for a few hours in this school among the crops and tents where the children of war come to learn.

Syria's civil war is trampling on its children as easily as it is killing its adults. The 400,000 child refugees now in Lebanon represent a lost generation; many who have fled here have been denied an education for three years. Poverty is not their only constraint. Until recently, enrolling Syrian refugees in Lebanese schools was close to impossible, and getting any form of education at all was almost as difficult.

Things are slowly changing for some. Since early this year, the Lebanese government has allowed double shifts in state primary schools, meaning refugee children can attend the second shift in some schools. Syrians enrolled in the Lebanese system receive formal qualifications when they graduate. But not all are as fortunate.
Schools such as Ahmed's are considered informal and not recognised by the government.

Syrian teachers are allowed to teach here, but they must stick to a Lebanese curriculum and, at the end of the year, the progress of children is not recognised. That means they cannot advance to secondary schools or be accepted into the state system.

For the eager students in this school though, it clearly doesn't matter. A group aged between five and eight are sitting outside around a table as their teacher, a businessman from Homs who lost his home and livelihood two years ago, teaches them how to paint.

"Life was different before this," he says. "But I have found dignity in the therapy of art. I love these children."
The children watch in silence as he etches small white geese on to a landscape on a wood panel. Then all the children take turns, including Fatima, whose mother died during a winter storm four months ago and who, like Ahmed, receives extra attention from the always-hovering Maria.

So enthusiastic are children to learn that the school sometimes runs triple shifts.

They are often greeted by a traditional storyteller. Dressed in a gown and a red box hat known as a tarboush, his role is to maintain a connection between the children and their lost land just across the border. "He talks about the streets and the castles, the rivers and the marketplaces," said Maria. "The children love it. And we also give them a lot of psycho-social support to help them learn to love their new country."
The storyteller also plays another role, often drifting into the fraught issues of geography and modern history. Even primary school children seem well aware that who did what in the Levant before the war is a touchy subject. Since March 2011, the narrative has been more bitterly contested than ever.

Both the storyteller and the teachers receive $6 (about £3.50) an hour. Most live among their students in the informal refugee camps that dot the area. Ahmed lives in one of them with his five siblings. His older brother Nimr, 15, is acting as head of the family, and takes the lead in caring for Kamel, who has not been the same since he pulled his mother's body from the rubble of their family home in Idblib early last year.

Shortly afterwards, the family's father, Mohammed, drove his five children to the Lebanese border, waved them goodbye, then left.
They have not heard from him since, and have long ago used the small amount of money they had to rent a tent space and buy food.

"We ran away from problems and problems followed us," said Nimr, squatting on the floor of the tent he now shares with his new wife, Fatima, also 15. "It would have been better if we all died with my mother. It would have been easier," he said. Fatima's family, who live in the camp, have helped the young orphans with a concrete path and food.

Kamel nodded, but said nothing, his eyes fixed permanently on the middle distance. "I feel I am not up to this responsibility," said Nimr, pointing at his siblings. "I cannot feed them." He holds up a debt book with a long list of IOUs that he cannot possibly repay.
His youngest sister, Hala, sits restlessly alongside him, a cropped hat covering what hair she has left; the rest has fallen out in recent months. Hala, 11, used to go to school with Ahmed, but was bullied because of her appearance and behaviour. Her distress is not as visible as Kamel's but is never far away. Hala too runs for Maria when she appears in the tent's doorway, clinging to the leg of the surrogate mother who tries to entice her back to school.

"Lots of these children have suffered so much," she said. "The stories they all tell are heart-breaking. All of them."

The scale of suffering faced by Syria's children is a reflection of a society in terminal decline. More than 150,000 people have been killed since the war began, and close to half the country's 22 million population is now on the move; at least 6.5 million are internally displaced, and almost 3 million have made it into neighbouring Lebanon, Jordan, Turkey and Iraq, where staying alive takes precedence over learning.
Nonetheless, the fear of a lost generation is an increasingly dominant theme among humanitarian bodies which are having more luck reaching vulnerable communities who have made it to exile than in reaching those left behind.

"We need to prevent losing a whole generation of children from Syria. Giving them opportunities to learn, developing their skills and healing the wounds of the conflict is vital for the future of these children and for Syria," a Unicef spokesperson said.
"Children who have fled Syria to Lebanon have witnessed and experienced things no child should. But despite the suffering, children have an amazing ability to recover and heal. They want to learn – they want a better future."

My cousin lost his battle to cancer two days ago.

**the above is the door gift for guests to ward off bad luck, 

as Chinese believes bad spirits linger in funeral.

1. “We all want things to stay the same. Settle for living in misery because we are afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” — Elizabeth Gilbert

2. “When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: you haven’t.” — Thomas Edison

3. “I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again." — Eric Roth

4. "Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life." — J.K. Rowling

5. “When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." — Harriet Beecher Stowe

6. ‎"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life." — Steve Jobs

7. “We can't be afraid of change. You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as an ocean, a sea. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don't have something better.” — C. Joybell C.

8. “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” — Joseph Campbell

Taken from mindbodygreen

Wrong impressions

Case One.
The student walked in a confrontational manner towards the counter.
In my mind, I was bracing myself for yet another 'drama'.
"Oh no, here it comes..."
"Miss, can I donate these books?"
I was utterly taken aback.
I shouldn't have so quickly jumped to conclusions.

Case Two.
As I was chatting happily with my good friends over dinner, the waitress came with my very much anticipated Banana Boat Ice-cream dessert.
I was terribly disappointed that she'd bring it over when I had specifically requested it to be sent only after everyone at the table have finished their main course.
I tried explaining my request again to her, but she wouldn't even look at me.
Instead, she looked at her colleagues at the kitchen, gesturing impatiently.
I really felt she was too quick to push the responsibility away.
Her facial expression and gestures were was very rude.
Later, I saw her smiling to a child at the next table.
I thought she looked more amiable then.
She caught me looking at her and came over my table.
She gestured in her crude sign language, asking if I want my food now.
Only then, it dawned to me that she was hearing-impaired.
My annoyance was immediately extinguished.
My Banana Boat Ice-cream dessert was served to me half-melted, and my Neapolitan was completely strawberry.
But I wasn't angry.

Matter of fact, I felt a bit shameful that I was too quick to react.

“I had forty acres and a new home out in California. 
I was working as a stone mason. I could bring in $6000 cash some weeks.
 Then I was walking home one night and someone tried to kill me. I got brain damage. 
I lost my sense of smell, my sense of taste, most of my hearing, and now I can barely stand without getting dizzy. I must have fallen and cracked my head open thirty times since then. 
Everything I knew has been washed out into the water. I’ve tried to commit suicide several times.”

Taken from Humans of New York