Today is one of the better days.
I am thankful.

Last Friday was not.
A friend from church told me to call her every morning- she wanted to make sure that I do GET to work.
I did call her.
But something was very very dark in me.
Like nothing matters .
Nothing matters anymore.
Not my job, not my life, where I'm heading.
So basically after my usual morning bath, I just sat on my bed.
It was not self pity.
It was just numbness.
I silent my phone and went back to sleep.
An hour later, I was awaken by the sound of the door bell, which I didn't even know existed.
The church friend actually CAME to my place, and drove me to work.
She had never been to my place and had to make several calls to find me.

With all that numbness, I wasn't capable of much emotion.
But if any, it was all shame and gratitude.
What an odd mixture.

As I had already missed 2 days of work, many people came to my seat place to show their concern.
Some genuine, some not so genuine.
A colleague - one whom I don't get along with asked me
"How's things? Are you feeling better?"

Well..I've lied to her so many times about  having stomachaches.. fever.. all the usual suspects, but this time, I just handed her my MC which states..
(Severe depression with insomnia)
She walked away.
I didn't even care if she's the biggest office gossip monger.
That was the extend of the numbness.

My boss told the admin staff to make sure I went to work that day.
She knows that I NEED to be at work to feel better.
When she saw me, she came over, and in her kindest tone a disciplinary mentor could muster,
"You're here, you feel better, right?"
I nodded.

I related all these to my good friend M.

"Your friend went out of her way to make sure you got up and left the house. Surely it must meant you're worth the effort. 
And she wasn't the only one.
Surely you must be worthy.
Don't doubt.
Accept the love"