I had a good online chat with Max.
He’s doing very well. 
In our last chat, he had a very disruptive physical condition which needed consultation from a specialist. 
I’m glad it’s no longer an issue for him.
Matter of fact, he’s training for triathlon. 
Wow.

Max is the most highly functional person I know who had previously had similar mental/emotional struggle. Hence, I wasted no time in seeking  for his opinion – about me dating.
“There is nothing wrong with you. We may have low self esteem due to our past but we can have a good life too.”
“I have to tell him, but when?”
“When he talks about the future, and it involves you.”

I have been thinking about THE talk that I will eventually have with him ever since I found out that we were mutually ‘keen’ of each other.
I have NEVER stopped thinking about it.

All along I thought I was eager to be honest with him asap because I didn’t want to risk hurting him.
But today, I realised that I was actually lying to myself.
I wanted to tell him asap because I didn’t want to risk getting hurt.
Deep inside, I know what I have IS a huge issue, and it is a valid reason for him to walk away and I’m not strong enough for that.

I've been asking myself, When do I tell him? Right before we get serious? Right after we get serious? When is serious?
Sigh.
I selfishly want him to get to know me better.
Surely I’m more than my illness?
Deep down I know the above statement is something I can console myself with, not something I can put unto him.