Entire text taken from 6 Mistakes We Make When Depressed or Having a Panic Attack
By Nikolay Perov

1. Resisting.

When we feel a bad mood, depression, or panic coming on, our first wish is to get rid of it as quickly as possible, to change the “bad” mood into a “good” one. This is natural; it’s how we’re made. But all too often our attempts just make everything worse.

Resistance forces us to think constantly about our condition, to focus all of our attention on it, to feel bad because it won’t go away, to wait tensely for relief.

But the simple truth is that you can’t control everything. Attempting to get your condition “under control” often leads to extra stress and unwanted bad feelings. It’s sometimes best just to relinquish control and cease resistance.

If we relax and let our depression or panic come without trying to control anything, accepting that they’re only temporary feelings which will pass in due course, things become much easier.

2. Feeling bad about feeling bad.

We start to have thoughts such as “I’m going to die or go crazy,” “This’ll never end,” and “I hate that I can’t enjoy life like other people; I feel utterly miserable.”

Our mind starts to add new fears and negative emotions to the depression we already have. And, as I saw for myself, these fears and feelings end up constituting the main part of our condition.

It’s actually your mind, not the depression and panic themselves, which makes each episode so unbearable.

If you don’t believe me, try this experiment: The next time you’re overwhelmed by an attack, try to simply observe it without getting caught up in or assessing it in any way. Just watch it in its pure form, without any thoughts. Try to notice which parts of your body you feel it in and how it comes and goes.

In this way, you’ll remove your mind from the formula of your distress. You’ll notice how much weaker the attacks become when they’re no longer supported by your thought processes. Give it a try, making notes of the results if you like. Would it be true to say that it’s not all as terrifying and dreadful as it seemed at first?

When you stop feeding your depression with fears and thoughts it becomes much easier to shake off.

3. Comparing.

“Everything was so good when I wasn’t depressed! What an amazing time it was, and how awful it is now. Why can’t I go back?!” These are the kinds of things many people think, me included, but such thoughts bring nothing but harm.

If you want to beat depression or panic, you have to stop comparing. Forget that there’s a past and future. What’s happened has happened. Don’t dwell on it, and instead live in the here and now.

Start with what you have, and don’t think about how it all was before. Learning how to live in the present moment will make your depression or panic much more bearable.

4. Asking pointless questions.

Many people spend hours asking themselves all kinds of questions: “When will this end?” “Why me?” and “What have I done to deserve this?”

To make use of a well-known Buddhist parable, these questions are as much use as trying to figure out the source of the arrow which blinded you: it’s just not that important. What you need to know is how to pull the arrow out.

Questions of the “Why me?” ilk just make your condition worse, forcing you as they do to complain and be upset about something that’s already happened. Focus on what will help you get past your depression and don’t bother with questions which don’t serve this purpose.

5. Believing your fears.

We think that because we experience such fear at the idea of going outside, meeting people, or going on the underground, it means that something bad is going to happen. There’s nothing surprising in this, because nature has made fear in order to warn us of danger. We’re made in such a way that we instinctively believe this fear and respond to it.

But our fear hardly ever arises due to a real threat. For example, the fear of losing your mind or suffocating during a panic attack is simply fallacious. Stop believing this fear. Whatever it is you’re afraid of at these times isn’t going to happen.

Fear is nothing more than a feeling, a chemical reaction in your head. If you’re overcome with terror when you go down into the underground, it doesn’t mean that something horrific is laying in wait there. It’s like a malfunctioning fire alarm—just because it’s going off doesn’t mean there’s actually a fire.

So stop listening to your “inner alarm” every time it goes off. Don’t pay it any heed: go out, meet your friends, get on a plane, and let the alarm keep ringing. Nor should you try to “switch it off,” as this doesn’t always work. Just ignore it. In other words, stop taking your fear as something real.

6. Seeking reasons for your depression in the outside world.

This is another mistake I made myself. I thought that my malaise was linked solely to the way my life and work were going. I believed that if I could just change that, I’d be happy.

But then, with meditation, I realized that everything I needed to be happy was inside me, and likewise what was causing me to suffer!

I was so edgy, anxious, feeble, caught up in bad habits, undisciplined, and irresponsible that even if I’d succeeded in changing the external circumstances of my life, the traits that had given rise to my depression would still be there.

In order to get rid of my depression, I had to get rid of the internal reasons that had caused it.

So don’t keep telling yourself, “If I get a new job, everything’ll be smooth sailing,” or “If I get rid of everything I’m scared of, there won’t be anything to be afraid of any more.” Your depression and fears reside inside you, so wherever you are, they will be too, projected onto the outside world.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t strive to improve your life. First of all, though, you need to direct your efforts inwards.

I couldn't hide my shock when she showed me the scars.
I knew that she loves wearing cardigans but I didn't realised this was the reason.

She shared with me her darkest hours and most wicked of demons.

My poor poor friend.
She told me her fears at night, just before bedtime.
So, I texted her a message.

"I understood every word you shared with me earlier. I know how the Darkness can torment us, all those convincing lies, over and over again. But you are not those lies. Look how far you've come. We fell and got back up. I know I will fall again, but I will find my way back again too. We are both survivors. I know it's hard for you to believe this, but the day will come when you feel , --Hey, I've got this."

I had a very dark, DARK morning.
I woke up at 4am and I tossed and turned till it was time for me to get ready for work
I have been very nervous for the past few days hence, I took half a Lexapro two hours before bedtime.
Perhaps it did help me sleep but it also made my stomach queasy.

My heart was palpitating and my head was filled with scary thoughts.
"People hate you."
I was very tempted give in and stay in bed.
But I know giving in will only make the darkness stronger.
I would feel guilty and ashamed.

I got up.
Indeed, I was right.
The day got better.
I got better.

I am getting better at this.

I arranged for a group dinner last night.
Mn, Cc, Sw, YL , LC and myself sat at the Secret Recipe restaurant near workplace.
Just as we chose our seats, I can't help but was reminded that YL, LC and myself  sat at the same place during our dinner with CLY months ago.

Anyway, LC was very nasty.
I don't know what got into her, but I'm truly disappointed with her.
I really need to pay attention to my instincts.
I must believe in myself.

This Saturday will be my last BodyCombat session with Ax.
I've been attending his classes for approximately 18 months (my gym contract duration).
Today, during class, I looked around at my gym acquaintances.
I don't know most of their names, and yet, I said my silent goodbye-s to them.
Gosh, I'm so sentimental !

I asked Mn how she handles her workload.
"Your work is so demanding. And you have so much family issues on your plate too. How do you NOT get overwhelmed?" I asked.
Mn inhaled and gave it some thought.
"Well, I guess I don't think about the stress per se. I just focus what I need to do at the present. Mindfulness, you know..."

I went to Sw's place to look for her.
In our last conversation, she was in quite a mess.
I saw Prof.M and decided to ask her about Sw's well-being.
"Is she around?" I asked, but I seem to have hit a nerve.
"If she's there , she's there ! How would I know where she is? Do you have something urgent with her?" chided the annoyed professor.
"I'm asking as a friend, as she seemed quite depressed when we last spoke" trying my hardest to placate the professor's emotion.
It seemed to have worked, as the professor went on explaining her agitation.
Apparently, Sw didn't make any effort in hiding her depressed mood at work and the professor is utterly disappointed with her.
"I know I sound very harsh, but she needs tough love !
There is much more to life than to just have a man."

"I was carrying a steel pipe at work, and it brushed up against an electrical wire. When I woke up, I saw that everything was gone, and I just started crying. It's like I'm a kid again. They clean me, they put me to bed, they wipe my butt, and they even hold my birdie when I pee. I've been begging for money in this same spot for 20 years. All that I can do is try to get my bread every day until God decides to take me home."

(Mexico City, Mexico) Humans of New York

I'm grateful for....

(1)I was about to leave the gym when suddenly I had the urge to chat with Ivy.
"Maybe I can just let her know about my plans of moving next month. She'd definitely notice my absence in the Zumba classes," I thought.
My relationship with Ivy has always been on Hi-Bye basis.
So, I was rather surprised that she invited me for dinner after I prompted the chat.
At dinner, I learnt that she is still recuperating from her 6-year relationship breakup.
We chatted about positive energy, books, and of course gym.
I have to say, among all my attempts in socialising with gym friends, this has got to be the most successful one.

(2) Sw came over to my department to tell me that she is able to make it for the group dinner next Friday.
"Yipee ! That's great ! That makes everyone then! *I counted with my fingers** So, now there's 6 of us!"

(3) I had a very good dinner with M and Mn. M joked about being able to hear if the Asian spices are ready using the pestle and mortar. Her exaggerated expression made me choked.
Mn shared with us her challenges at workplace and we recounted her 4-year milestones.

(4) I was quite bored at the staff lounge when suddenly 3 male colleagues greeted me from behind. I didn't realise that they'd remember my name and I was very pleasantly surprised.

(5) My cousin X gave me a very nice Esprit watch.

(6)Attended a public forum on suicide prevention. I am in awe how many people are willing to volunteer their time and effort for the betterment of others.

(7)Went for a run with SY. We had breakfast too.

It was so good to see my cousin X again I've not seen him in more than 10 years.
X has a very charming and amiable personality.
I'm always in a better mood whenever he's around.

X had a very traumatising childhood.
However, he hardly brings it up.
It was through my mother that I know some details of his history.
By sheer grit, he overcame it all and is currently doing very well for himself.

I gave it some thought.
How did he managed to beat all of the odds?
I think...
despite all the physical, emotional abuse and neglect, he knew from the very beginning, he deserved better.
He never doubted his self-worth and he went on becoming the man he is today.

I was clearing my wardrobe and getting rid of my old clothes when I came across this pair of slacks.

Back when I was overweight, this was the only pair of pants I could wear that was really comfortable. It was my favourite pair to wear to work.

I decided to keep it. All can go, but I shall remain sentimental with this.

It means a lot to me.

I was happy to see that Max is online.
" Hey, why the long silence? "

He told me that he was warded for manic symptoms. From his choice of words, or rather the lack of it, I sensed he was feeling rather down.
"Please keep in touch, k? You'll always be one of the fewer ones in my books who aren't defeated by the illness. You rise above it."
"What? But I've had so many relapses."
"And you got back up EVERY single time. That makes you a warrior."
"I'm a survivor."
"Yes. You survived the fall, the attack. 
Every one of it. Only warriors survive. 
Not all battles are fought with weapons."
"I'm a hero then."
"Indeed."

Cute Incident One
"Author?"
He looked at me puzzled.
I tried again, in Mandarin this time.
He pointed at the table, puzzled again.
I laughed.
I thought, "Oh dear, I really need to work on my Mandarin. My pronunciation is so off that my 'author' sounded like 'table'.
He couldn't understand what amused me so much and was very confused.
"Can you speak Chinese?"
I laughed even harder.
"I am speaking Chinese," trying really hard to hold my giggle.
I wrote down what I have that can help him.
He understood but was still confused .
He asked, "Are you Chinese?"
I laughed, "Yes."
That poor chap was so confused.

Cute Incident Two
It was 30 minutes before the 'special closing sale' in the bakery.
I smiled sheepishly at the salesperson who was busy packing the pastries into the plastic wrappers.
I was hoping that she could have 'pitied' me and bend the rules a bit.
But nope.
So, I stood there shamelessly looking at my potential choices of unsold pastries on the counter.
A lady came and ordered her pastries.
Just as she took out her wallet, I told her, "You know, if you wait a few more minutes, it's 'Buy One Free One'".
"Really?" She looked at the salesperson and said, "I'll come back later."
I realised that I had caused some profit lost to the bakery and looked at the salesperson sheepishly and said, "Oops? Err, perhaps she'll buy more when she comes back?"
Salesperson smiled at me.
She allowed me to buy two of my favourite muffins at the price of one, 10 mins earlier.
Nice.

The foreign student was so rude that I was literally shaking with anger.
I didn't realized the extend of my anger until I saw that my fingers were shaking.
I was so overwhelmed that I walked over to him and gave him a piece of my mind.
He said something but I walked away, ignoring his words just like how he ignored mine previously after his 'drama'.
I was really pissed.

I vented to my friends via Whatssap. They were sympathetic of course but were worried that there might be repercussions.
"Careful when you deal with people like that. Obnoxious people do obnoxious things.
He is after all, student of this private institution.
And we are staff of this institution."

I was really upset because they made a good point. The safe professional way was to have let it go.
But the silly naive careless sense of justice in me just couldn't let that rudeness slide.

I went to yoga and had dinner with a friend.
Chatted jovially on a wide myriad of things.
Her brothers' health, the many others suffering the similar illness, about our own health, food, work, how to get along with the people at work.
It was fun.

I gained back the positive energy and now I am able to see the prior incident in clearer view.
I had foolishly followed that foreign student's trail of negativity.
I allowed his rudeness rubbed into my own ego.
I had the power to be the bigger person and let it go.
Not because I'm condoning that behaviour.
I shouldn't have let it affect me personally.
I should have viewed the whole incident as his problem.
Indeed, his rudeness is HIS problem.
Hence, I shouldn't be affected.

“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. 
Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.” ~ Pema Chodron

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. 
Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ~ Brené Brown

“I wish I could tell you it gets better, it doesn’t get better. You get better. You think it’s been easy? I’ve gone up, I’ve gone down, I’ve been bankrupt, I’ve been broke, but you do it. "

“If you laugh at it, you can deal with it, and if you don’t, you can’t deal with it. And don’t start telling me that I shouldn’t be saying it. That’s the way I do it. I would have been laughing at Auschwitz.”

-Joan Rivers

Qian Hongyan, the so-called "basketball girl," has become something of a celebrity in China.
Qian lost both her legs in a car accident in 2000 when she was just four years old. Growing up in rural Luliang county, southwestern China's Yunnan province, her family had to improvise.
However, Qian found other opportunities. She joined a local swimming club for the disabled, the first of its kind in the country, sponsored by the Yunnan Provincial Federation of the Disabled.
At first, she found it difficult.
"I had to give much more than other kids when I learned to swim," Qian told China Daily in 2011. "It seemed there was no way I could float in the water. I was choked."
However, she went on to become a successful athlete, training for four hours every day. She hopes to one day win medals for her country in the Paralympic Games.
 Reports on the progress of her artificial limbs make national news. Her fame has even spread abroad, with photographs of her becoming viral sensations on Facebook.
 Her success may mark the changing fortunes of China's disabled. "In the past," Her coach, Li Ke-qiang, told the BBC in 2008, "people despised the disabled.
They thought they were all beggars, just asking for money." "But now, when they see disabled swimmers like these, they can see how hard they're driving themselves. And that's a start." 

Entire text taken from  www.businessinsider.com written by Adam Taylor

Whenever I'm physically sick, it takes a mental-emotional toll out of me as I get very depressed as well.
For some reasons, I feel very guilty for getting ill too.
Maybe because I try my best to eat healthy and exercise constantly, I feel I shouldn't get ill this often.
Perhaps my immune system is down when I'm depressed? It's a chicken and egg thing.
I don't know which part of me collapsed first.
During this time, my physical activities and my communication with people are limited, hence, the Darkness takes full advantage of this vulnerable phase of mine.

I was walking towards to Employee-Attendance-Thumb-Print area in the morning when I noticed a very animated lady talking to her friends.
Her hands were gesturing excitedly.
I was behind her and had to move to her side to print my thumb on the machine.
It was that moment that she reached her climax of her story.
Her whole arm swung directly at me and she slapped the back of her palm on my face.

She apologised profusely and both of us were equally embarrassed.
But it was so funny.
What a great way to start the day.
*Thumbs up.