After my Penang run last November, I exercised more and had been looking forward to this run. Yippee! I did it.
It felt really good, as expected.

So many many inspiring moments....

Lately, there's this African student who has been creating a lot of fuss at workplace.
Everyone hates her.
Yesterday, things got so bad, I asked the boss to intervene. She even played the 'RACE CARD'- claiming that we're prejudiced against her because she's African.
( I wanted to say that RUDENESS is not a race,Bi@tch - to her face, but swallowed it)
I told her that I'd be very obliged to write a full report of all the incidents that have taken place since my first encounter with her.
Another colleague was very willing too.
She was very surprised that we remembered all the other incidents very well, so she backed down and 'apologised'.
((I had even written a blogpost about it back in -Thursday, December 02, 2010.
Yup, we're all wondering why hasn't this Bi@tch graduated....))
Oh, that's why she backed down when I told her about the report I'd be most obliged to write.
Obviously she can no longer afford any more delay.

Anyway, the whole confrontation really made me very upset, not only at the obnoxious student, but also at the boss for cowering at her threats of complaints.

I was really shaken.

My whole body was shaking, my voice was quivering.

My colleagues were trying their best to comfort me, telling me it's ok.

But last night, I had to take a pill to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, I was still feeling the blues.

She came again today and my colleague just ignored her.
I was silently cheering for my colleague's boldness!
Yup, again she created a fuss - went to the boss to complain, - we were called in ,etc...
But WTF, our positions are too petty to protect anyway.
I told Boss, 'It felt good, it felt like the right thing to do.'
And now I'm much more at peace with myself.

I don't need a pill to sleep tonight.

Therefore, I'm now even MORE sure that it WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

I FB messaged my friend who was very concern about a friend who was showing signs of a breakdown.

Please make sure she gets professional help. If she's denying the seriousness, maybe get a one/two more close/good friends to intervene.
Believe me, due to the stigma, most ppl are only admitted to the ward when things have gotten severely out of hand.
Only then, the patient him/herself and the ppl around them would finally admit the problem.
By then, the instability would have severed to an illness, and it becomes harder for the patient to find him/her own centre point of mental stability.
I think I have told you before how regretful I am for not seeking help MUCH earlier as my symptoms were already showing years before.
Hope you don't mind me blabbering, it would be tragic if you have TWO mental patient friends.
One is already too MANY.

Every night before I sleep, I will always hear a reminder whispered to me, " You're crazy, don't you ever forget that."

Evidently,my mental health status DOES affect my self-esteem.

Then, last night, I watched a reality tv show where this 'crazy' girlfriend was ill-treating the boyfriend. He's this sweet and very oddly submissive guy.

While I was watching, I secretly hope that droves of female viewers would contact him and make him change his mind about that whack job girlfriend of his.

This show reminded me of an earlier conversation I had regarding mental patients.

"At least we admit our problem and sought professional help, unlike the so many others who are still making lives miserable for the people around them. Heck, they might even be responsible for sending people to mental wards due to stressful environment they cause..."

Here’s to the crazy ones. The rebels. The troublemakers. The ones who see things differently. While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. Steve Jobs Apple Inc.

Got this from AyulinroThis man is feeding his mother.
This pic sure has the command to halt all the rubbish thoughts in my head and ... just... *exhale*

This is the moment I have always longed for.

The peace and cool air of the night accompanying me while I type. (gosh, it even sounds melodious)

I went out alone, as usual.

It is sad that I enjoy my own company? Or merely narcissistic? Or worst, I'm joining the Norman Bates clan?

I sort of 'talk to myself', not the in third person manner, just... thinking out loud.

I pushed myself to go out, and was very pleased to find that the tiny little departmental store near my home had its own crowd and there were new small businesses set up.

I walked around inhaling the food aroma as much as I can.

It's free, after all...

I was really amusing myself.

Smiled at children.

Absorbing the happy images into my head.

the life I long for

It's not the luxury that I'm after.
It's the simplicity.

I need to de-clutter my life

recent quotes I read

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.” -Mahatma Gandhi

Mr. Davies prefers to call it "serenity": a calm recognition that human institutions, like humans themselves, do not live forever. "Serenity is the balance between good and bad, life and death, horrors and pleasures. Life is, as it were, defined by death. If there wasn't death of things, then there wouldn't be any life to celebrate." taken from wsj

I finally got my own PC, a portable one too.
I have not been writing my blog for a very long time.
Almost all my recent entries were mere ‘copy and paste’ from my Tumblr or FB account.
I have not written for a very long time. And I mean really WRITE – written.
However, I’m quite pleased to announce the reason behind it.
After our Annual Stock Take 2011, I was given a raise and more responsibilities for the year 2012.
Although the amount isn’t enough for me to brag about, it really does feel good that my 2011 work performance is acknowledged.

Story of the day.

I went to The Lounge during my break time – like I always do, and started a conversation with a co-worker whom I’ve only known by face.
I’ve seen her many times in The Lounge by herself but never did dared to speak to her as she always had a frustrated expression.
However, this time, she smiled at me when our eyes met.

It was a golden opportunity.
“LC, come! Join us.” I was already in a prior discussion with a Pharmacy lecturer about the best lunch choices available for us at workplace.
After a while, the lecturer left us as she had a class to teach.
LC began to make enquiries about my work.
From her questions, she was indeed very curious about me.
Me being me, didn’t hold back and told her everything she wanted to know.
“What a waste! You’re only at ‘assistant’ level?” I wasn’t the least offended by her straightforwardness or but perhaps a bit embarrassed as I can see she’s genuinely frustrated to hear my ‘tragedy’.
She even offered some advice on how to advance in my career options- to earn better income.
I told her even more about my situation, how I can’t cope in stressful environment.
Although she couldn’t quite understand nor empathise my predicament, I find it rather amusing how agitated she was with my story.
“I know another person here just like you!” That person turned out to be the same co-worker whom I had chatted with just last week. How odd that we actually have this similarity.
Anyway, the conversation had to end as her break was over.
As she got up to leave, she reiterated, “What a waste!”
When I began to sigh in reverie, I’m surprised to find that I didn’t agree with her at all.
I know that for the past two years- all my panic attacks, sleepless nights, dark suicidal thoughts have kept their distance.
I know that I’m now feeling better, much better.
I know that after all that darkness, every day that I can sleep, eat, smile, or just merely function as a person – is a pure gain.

Nothing is wasted.

**warning- NOT to be viewed when in Hyper mode..

FB pics

FB story

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that 1,100 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by, and a middle aged man notic...ed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace, and stopped for a few seconds, and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping, and continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried, but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally, the mother pushed hard, and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money, but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the most talented musicians in the world. He had just played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, on a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

Got some sh*t by a co-worker from another department.
Then I remembered this,
So, I decided to make an effort to cheer myself up and went to the lounge during my break time.
I even muster up the courage to initiate a chit-chat with another co-worker from another department.
Both of us had only interracted on official grounds previously.
Got to know him better and found his company very enjoyable.
I came back from my break a whole different person.
The change of mood was so drastic that I recalled the South Park (the offensive cartoon) joke where Mr Garrison was so much more cheerful to his students after he had 'some'.
**still smiling to myself****
I wonder .....