The Pain is very much still lingering.
I keep myself busy to avoid mind activity of my memories.

But sometimes, it comes visiting...
Like a leakage....
The mere touch of the dark past brings tears to my eyes...
I must very quickly shut the faucet because I don't want swollen eyes...

Apparently whistling isn't enough.

Remember the quote,
"Everyone is ready to learn, but not always ready to be taught" ?

Well, I always enjoy seeking knowledge (like many), and am quick to admit my errors and shortcomings (unlike many).

BUT, what I truly dislike is when people correct me with the intention to boost their own ego under my embarrassment expense.
Oh, come on......... Don't you think we wouldn't know if your intentions are genuine? For a Miss-Know-It-All, don't you know the right way to communicate your intentions? (ok, this is way too dramatic)
Here I am, trying to have a conversation with you, and you interrupt me with the nitty-gritty ,opinionated , highly arguable details about my speech.
It's like, "I know this, and you don't....neh , neh , neh... "
Is your ego really that sore that you thirst for such fetish?

Sometimes, I want very much to retaliate and correct the perpetrator's mistakes. (who doesn't make them?)
But I thought,
"Don't do unto others, what you don't want others do to you."

So, I play the bigger person.

I didn't realised that I haven't really 'been out' for such a long time.
I went to the SgBuloh train station.
The roads had brand new surface, new parking lots, new roof for the waiting area, and what?!!! the newspaper stand is gone!!
I can't buy my newspaper.
What am I going to read during the entire journey?

In train.
I peeped over to read my neighbour's 'The South-East Asia of the World'.
It had many pictographs. Pages were all yellow.
Borrowed from the Convent Bukit Nanas.
Too bad the rightful reader kept closing and then reopening the book.
I think he was trying to memorise some facts for exam;

like how all Asian students do.

Ugly Betty

"Sometimes it's not our own family who will love us most, but the family we make ourselves."

If you don't understand, just accept the fact that you are protected from this ugly truth.

Marc : "Well, it's her loss because I'm fabulous."

Many preach about forgiveness, releasinng bitterness, disallowing hatred to harbour, and all the fanciful philosophical words.

Let me tell you why those crap don't work for most people; - who are truthful enough to admit they can't achieve the impossible.

The shield works because we are too weak to be injured again.
It is our animal survivor instinct to protect and defend ourselves.
So, till you can take all responsible for MY being - back OFF!!

Tariq, Taufiq, Wafiq, Fariq, Afiq, Ariff, Akiff, Nashan, Nazrul.... etc..

Tomorrow they will wear a whole different set of clothes and my brain wouldn't recognise the old software version I downloaded today..

=)

How to know when I've reach another phase in life?

Back in college, the first thing I was asked by newly acquainted friends,
"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Now, first day of work,
"Are you married?"

I dread the next phase............................

The Star paper told the story of teacher Hirotada Ototake.
Born without arms or legs, journalist-turned-author-turned-teacher overcame his barrier and created phenomenal success with his book, "Nobody's Perfect".

He quoted in his interview,
"There are things that only I, in my situation, can teach children."

Bravo.

Which made me ponder. Anybody who strive despite all shortcomings *regardless what kind* and live to tell, we too can say the same.

First day of work in the Kindy.
It's alright.
Loads of children names to remember.
Afiq, Wafiq, Tariq, Taufiq,... oh.. get this - Anakin!!!

Very inspirational.
I shall name my son,

Skywalker.

This is one of the many moments where I wished I had a camera phone.

I was at a junction, ready to make a turn at a 'cross only if you have guts' type of traffic.
As I was waiting for the right gap between the moving cars to happen, I noticed a very cute male driver. He looked like he's in his early twenties but with a lady and little kids in the car, I had to guess that he's the father.
"Wah, very cute papa" - ran across my head.

Then, this superheroic lorry driver tried to be gutsy and overtook me from the left. He could have pulled it off but unfortunately the oncoming traffic didn't allow him to pull the stunt successfully.
So, our hero lorry driver blocked the the entire traffic.
We had to wait for the traffic light in far front to change in order for the hero to escape his stunt.

My point? Just when I thought, "Wah, very cute papa" - that car stopped RIGHT in front of me, due to the blocked traffic.
I could stare at him for a whole 3 minutes.... hahahahaha..
Such an energy booster...

really wish I had a photo to make this story far more interesting.......

I am now watching the movie Perfume.

Yes. Another story about the disturbed mind.

There is one part where this poor Jean-Baptiste Grenouille suffered alone battling his mind because he couldn't find his own scent but could extraordinarily 'capture' all others .

I guess this mind battle has been going on for ages.

We use our entire lifetime trying to make sense all around us, that we can't find our own 'scent'. We have either lost that capability or ruin it ourselves.

I'm sure you'd believe me when I say,

"There are so many types of insanity in this world that the ones in the hospital should be the least worthy of your attention."

First of all, the ones in the hospital admits their shortcomings , are diagnosed and are being treated(regardless of effectiveness).

There are many out there who go unnoticed,
Out to -mislead, -cheat, -steal, -kill and -destroy all that is possible.

You think I'm being dramatic?

Have you not encounter lunacy?

Or perhaps you are part of it?

I found RM5!!!
It was on the floor. I picked it up. Looked around.
No possible candidates for losing that money.
I bought french fries with that money.
Have I sold my soul for french fries?

--------hehehehehehehehehe

****************************************
A new e-pal forwarded this to me.

A danish funny-poet wrote:
Den som kun tar spøg for spøg og alvor kun alvorlig
Han eller hun har fattet begge deler lige dårlig.

Translation attempt:
The person who just take joke for joke and seriousnes just serious
He or she has understood both parts bad.

hint= read it again and again. perhaps u might be able to digest the gist.

The cover in this book is definitely more attractive than the one I found in Amazon.

I just browsed through the last few chapters because I became bored after the first 3 chapters as they all seem similar. However, the sketched pics in the book are really good. Besides its good artist's touch, it also seem to evoke some emotion from the viewers.

I will quote the introductory at the back cover.

" - as the author says, it's potentially autobiographical. In this, her most personal bok, she brilliantly explores nine possible lives. While each is located in deeply familiar territory, whether England, India, or America, and often overlaid with that essenstial Central European family background, each life is born of startlingly different origins and each reveals a different destiny. Here are nine different answers to the central question: what would happen if I were granted an alternative life? "

The pics reminded me of my own. My own drawings from memory. Haha,, it's very childlike as my artistic skill is stunted at that level.

hipo

Hypocrisy = Chanting Holy prayers to KuanYin Goddess for 15 mins.Then, turn around and curse under your breath your dissatisfaction with other people. Pick up phone and gossip with friend.

A German ICQ friend wrote this.

Life's Decay (von mir)

The ether of death running through my veins
decaying my mind, numbening pains
Feeding on the escence of live,
this wasn't for what I strived...

Dying, lying, feigning false future,
sickness ravaging, life's slow departure
Shattering the peace of mind;
hope, belief and their whole kind

Instant death, oh thou shall hear,
my screaming, my begging and my fear
th I have to live another day
of life's and love's slow decay

-Thomas Pietruschka

Long time ago, when I was growing up in SS2, there was this old lady who lived alone in a house directly behind my family.

After she died, her children moved in.
I was surprised that she had family.
Then, I pitied her for having lived alone for so many many years.
Her house was always so quiet.
Too quiet.
The only sound we heard from her house was her old clock chiming.

Now, I feel guilty for being judgemental towards her children.
I had automatically concluded that her children were cruel to their mother, without even considering a different side of their story.
I know , I know, it's none of my business but we can't stop our mind, right?

*************************************
But now after my bad experience, I have concluded that bad people become parents too.
It's a bitter pill to swallow for the children to accept such a fact.
We all know that parents are your closest people, the people who were supposed to care and love you. If there was anything wrong, it's on your side, without doubt.
So, imagine when you realised one day, that white is actually black one day.
After so many years of trying to paint it white..........................

I know, I know.......... I can't help it....

I was paid Rm20 for working 10 hours a day.
Is that wrong?
No, I tell myself.
I tried to be positive and revise all those motivational quotes in my mind. But I just can't.

Below is I, being all emo-drama queen over my allergy rashes. It really itches!!! Don't be confused with date. I was lazy to set them.


What now, .. What now?............... what is my next step?