Clarity is a rare luxury in my life. My very own mind betrays me,it sends me self-destructive information,and I often get lost by the ruins of my actions.This blog helps me remember who I am and the dangers that lurk inside of me. I thank you for your readership.Your presence here makes me feel less alone.I now live my life imitating the words of Tom Hanks in Castaway-“I know what I have to do.I have to keep breathing. And tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide will bring in.”
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
This post is long overdue.
Last week, I attempted suicide.
A very lame attempt actually.
I took 260 times of my usual dosage.
I knew I wasn't going to die.
Hardly anyone dies through legal drugs overdose - something I learnt through my pharmacist friend and also through the experiences of my previous acquaintances from the ward.
But I wanted to self-harm.
Also, I was hoping to be lucky ? Perhaps slip into a long sleep?
Jumping off the building would be too gory.
Too much mess, and I thought how traumatic it would be for others to see.
Hanging? Oh, the poor person who'd discover the body.
I remember looking at my stuff, just before I passed out.
I thought, gosh.... there's so much stuff for my friend or housemate to clear out.
There was however, ONE thing that made me felt a strong sense of waste.
I thought, "Shucks, pity I never gotten around to write about that fiction. "