Thursday, February 18, 2016

I'm now on suicide watch.
I'm really at a very pathetic stage.
I just reread my previous post, and really.
My silly attempt just damaged my liver and kidney.
They are still working for now, but after all I've done, I will be reminded of the consequence years later.
So, instead ending my misery, I have prolonged and compounded it.
Bloody Brilliant.

written on 13/02/16 - I should be helping out at the Coming Home Chinese New Year celebration at this moment, instead here I am in the ward. Coming to this ward sure brings back memories - I came here in 2012 to visit my sister. Who would have guessed I'd one day be here myself? I cried terribly on my 1st day. The old ladies scare me the most. A terrible warning of what may become of me. There's an old lady beside me, whose cries and moans resonate with me eerily. Would I cry like that when I'm her age too?

My fear is real. Some of the patients here are very young, barely out of their teens. I look at them sympathetically. I fear for them, for their path would not be easy. I told the doctor, "Being here, I'm looking at my past, present and future, at its worst perspective." I am looking at a bleak future.

No comments: