Watched Chronicles of Narnia 3.
There was a wonderful quote,
"We have nothing if not belief."
http://teasips.blogspot.com/2010/09/to-live-you-must-believe_08.html
I have mental illness. Mind clarity is rare, too briefly and often too late. Old friends and acquaintances would look away when they see me. Yup, that unpopular. Of course, I get angry and hurt but deep down, I know I’d do the same too, if I saw 'me'. That’s the icy cold papercut truth. The illness cuts even deeper. I thank you for your readership. Your presence here makes me feel less alone. This blog helps me remember my true worth as a person, and how my own mind threatens it.
Monday, December 27, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Yukio Shige, a 65-year-old former policeman, has spent his retirement on a mission to stop those who go to the cliffs of Tojimbo from jumping.
Read story here
Thursday, December 16, 2010
This is so INSPIRATIONAL.
Taken from http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/2010/12/jerry-shows-us-what-grit-and-spirit-is-and-he-is-4-years-old.html
****************************
4 year-old Jeremiah Liauw "Jerry" was born with spina bifida, a spinal defect which causes his lower body to be especially weak.
The Club Rainbow member's goal was to crawl his way to the finish line for the 750m Kids Dash event.
You can watch this video on Facebook.
Watching him finish what must have been a really tough 750m on his hands and knees in the hot sun was inspirational enough.
…Jerry wanted to crawl and refused to be carried when everyone was telling me to carry him coz for those of you who knows and are there, the weather was super duper hot and the ground was really radiating IMMENSE HEAT as it was approaching noon but Jerry kept diving for the ground.
If he could have it his way, he would not allow me to carry him at anytime at all. And a last note to share which may sound unbelieving to unbelievers, as I was changing Jerry yesterday, Jerry said, yes Jerry said, these are his exact words which took me aback too…
Jerry: "Actually when i saw the many people, I didn't want to crawl but God told me to crawl."
Me: "God told u to crawl?"
Jerry: "Yes. God told me to crawl."
Me: "Huh? What do you mean God told you to crawl?"
Jerry: "Yes, in my heart, I heard God's voice telling me to crawl."
Me: "Huh? you mean you heard God's voice?"
Jerry: "Yes. I heard God telling me to crawl."
Me: "Huh? What do you mean? How did you know it's God's voice?"
Jerry: "You will know it when He talks to you."
*****************************
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
The wonderful feeling I had in Penang is fading.
I'm very afraid that I'd soon forget what I had told myself.
I think very soon, I'd be the same old dark self again.
Was it the good feng shui?
How come I could THINK so clearly then?
I could remember who and what I am.
I wrote of something similar here
I'm very afraid that I'd soon forget what I had told myself.
I think very soon, I'd be the same old dark self again.
Was it the good feng shui?
How come I could THINK so clearly then?
I could remember who and what I am.
I wrote of something similar here
Tuesday, December 07, 2010
**taken at sister's unit in Penang, morning**
I've always had anxiety problems, even as a little kid.
I remember that when I was here holidaying as a kid, I was always overly anxious about the day we had to go back to PJ.
I kept counting the days.
Of course, when the day came, my eyes will be teary.
I'd be very depressed for at least one week back home.
I clearly remember this scene where my aunt called us from Penang to ask how I was doing. When mother reported back that I'm like a sick kitten, my aunt said,
"Ah, yeah lar.. that girl has always been very emotionally fragile"
As an adult here in Penang now, I kept making comparisons of myself during my several previous stays, ranging from a kid to a teen.
Many past incidents were revived in my head.
Many of which had highlighted my character flaw, some more obvious indications than others.
Perhaps the peace that I enjoy here or I'm maturing (?);I'm beginning to feel somewhat more willing to take responsibility for the things that had gone wrong for me.
For the past few days here, my 'blame game' seemed to have dropped a few notches.
I feel ashamed.
Suddenly I feel a phrase from a movie about troubled teenagers, slapped unto my face.
The teacher in the movie yelled at the student,
"It's time you start taking responsibilities for yourself! No one questioned how difficult you had it, but we can't change that no more! But we can change what's coming!"- imagine this spoken with the African-American slang.
I've always had anxiety problems, even as a little kid.
I remember that when I was here holidaying as a kid, I was always overly anxious about the day we had to go back to PJ.
I kept counting the days.
Of course, when the day came, my eyes will be teary.
I'd be very depressed for at least one week back home.
I clearly remember this scene where my aunt called us from Penang to ask how I was doing. When mother reported back that I'm like a sick kitten, my aunt said,
"Ah, yeah lar.. that girl has always been very emotionally fragile"
As an adult here in Penang now, I kept making comparisons of myself during my several previous stays, ranging from a kid to a teen.
Many past incidents were revived in my head.
Many of which had highlighted my character flaw, some more obvious indications than others.
Perhaps the peace that I enjoy here or I'm maturing (?);I'm beginning to feel somewhat more willing to take responsibility for the things that had gone wrong for me.
For the past few days here, my 'blame game' seemed to have dropped a few notches.
I feel ashamed.
Suddenly I feel a phrase from a movie about troubled teenagers, slapped unto my face.
The teacher in the movie yelled at the student,
"It's time you start taking responsibilities for yourself! No one questioned how difficult you had it, but we can't change that no more! But we can change what's coming!"- imagine this spoken with the African-American slang.
Labels:
Family,
Mental illness/Disability,
Reverie
Monday, December 06, 2010
I woke up very early this morning. Looking out at a beautiful morning Penang view.
Got so much thoughts in my head.
Got so much thoughts in my head.
- Read
Try to Remember Lyrics
here.
Friday, December 03, 2010
I'm here in Penang.
This place gives me so much peace and joy.
This is why.
click here for story one
click here for story two
click here for story three
click here for story four
This should have been my home
This place gives me so much peace and joy.
This is why.
click here for story one
click here for story two
click here for story three
click here for story four
This should have been my home
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Yes, life will never stop surprising us.
Just 10 minutes ago, I received a piece of very good advice from the most unlikely person.
To be honest, I hated him.
Moments ago, a student was disrespectfully confrontational towards me. She was accusing the library management to be incompetent.
Her complaint didn't tally with her records shown on the computer system. Therefore, I tried to explain to her politely that she has gotten her facts wrong.
But she stubbornly refused to even consider that possibility. "Why do I have to bear the consequences of your faulty system?!"
I kept clicking the screen back and forth, showing her this book, that book, this date, that fine charges..etc.. She couldn't really understand the screen as she wasn't really paying attention.
She just wanted to be right. After several more unreasonable accusations, she left. I was fuming with anger.
He was seated just beside me and saw that I was very affected.
But he didn’t say anything. Minutes later, I couldn’t keep my emotions inside my any longer. “I need special training to deal with this sort of things”
“You need to learn not to be afraid. That student sensed that you were unsure of yourself and attacked you even more. Try looking at the student hard in the eye the next time.” He was right.
I didn’t maintain an eye contact with her.
Yes, I had allowed myself to be ‘attacked’.
My necessary shield has always been absent, causing myself much distress.
We all need our ‘shields’ for survival.
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