Grey's Anatomy Season 14 Episode 17

Dr.Kepner.
You really think I can't tell when someone's in pain, too?
listen, listen, the Talmud says if someone is sick or in need and you can take away 1/60th of their pain, then that's goodness. That's God.

You can't take away a 60th of something if you don't know what it is.

It is exactly my job, and I prefer to do it till the bitter end.
Come on.
You're not gonna deny a dying man's wish?
I've held enough dying men's hands in my career.
I know it's mine this time.

What's that saying? "If If I'm not for myself, who will be for me?"

- Well, I am taking care of myself, for once.

Oh, and you realize that that phrase is not an invitation for narcissism, right?
You know, it's human nature.
You face enough hardship, then you can't help but think that you're being punished, that you did something to deserve it.

I did nothing to deserve Okay.

My whole life, I followed His rules.

I studied, I believed, I practiced what I preached.

I did every single thing He asked of me.

And that guarantees you what? Excuse me? Well, where where where is the guarantee? In the sequel? 'Cause, I have to admit, I'm not as up on that as I used to be.

- No, no, where where is it written exactly that if you do this or that, that everything in your life's gonna be good, hmm? Nowhere, in any faith, is there a guarantee.
Was it fair when Isaac went blind and then his child betrayed him? And where was the fairness when Sara had to wait 99 years before she had a child, and God said, "Sacrifice him"? And Moses couldn't even get past the bouncer to the Promised Land.
And like I said, I'm not up on the sequel, but from what I hear, Jesus got a raw deal.
 Nobody in the Bible lived a life free of suffering or injustice, or it wouldn't have been a best seller.
And if they lived lives like that, why should ours be different?
Now, if people only believed in God when things were good, I guarantee you, after the Holocaust, not a single Jew would be a believer.

Faith wouldn't be real faith if you only believe when things are good.
Well, so, what? The world is just cruel and random, and there's nothing anyone can do about it? Look, I don't have a lot of time here.
Do you mind if I just skip to the part where I pretend I don't know what to tell you? I'm just gonna tell you, okay? - Okay.
You sound like a child.
Terrible things happen.
Terrible, wonderful, devastating things happen.
Who the hell are you to know why? Who are you to know why some people live and some people die?

Children die.

Children who didn't do anything wrong, children who were broken before they had a chance to be whole, who were climbing in their own front windows.

Right.
And you don't get to know why any more than than I get to know why I'm dying from taking a pill that saves lives, that saves nearly everyone's life but it's killing me.
So you can either believe in God and goodness, or you can believe it's pointless, it's cruel, and it's random whatever makes you happier.
Are you? Happy?

It's not narcissism.

It's Pain.

Unimaginable pain.

Yeah, I know the feeling.
God's not indifferent to our pain.
Listen, tikkun olam.
Tikkun olam means that the world is full of brokenness and it's our job to put it back together again.
It assumes that the world is, uh, broken and in need and in pain.
And it's our job to fix f-fix it.

Read more: https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/view_episode_scripts.php?tv-show=greys-anatomy&episode=s14e17

When I first heard this song on the radio, I quickly Google searched the lyrics, but failed to do so.
The radio announcer didn't mention the name of the song nor the artist, or perhaps I just missed it.
So, imagine my delight when I found this posted on FB!

By Michael Gondry

lyrics:All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... world
Enlarge your world
Mad world

“When I was depressed, it felt like I was walking through mud all the time. My head was filled with thoughts like, ‘If my friends knew who I really was, they wouldn’t love me.’ And, ‘What right do I have to exist?’
 And, eventually, ‘Why do any of us have the right to exist?’ If people were being kind to me, I wasn’t able to access that kindness. It wouldn’t produce a feeling in me.

If a child smiled at me from a stroller, it might lift me up for a millisecond, but then I’d fall back into darkness.
Before I was depressed, I could find joy in things so easily. I worked as a gardener, and I learned the calls of the birds so I could tell where they were just by listening.
I loved to show new plants and insects to children, and see how excited they’d get. I made a 50th birthday card for my sister, and got strangers from all over the world to write ‘Happy Birthday’ in their language.
But during my depression, I couldn’t access any of that joy. I’d try reminding myself that other people had bigger problems. I’d try telling myself to quit being weak, and to snap out of it. But nothing worked.”

Taken from Humans of New York

“I’m trying to come back to work after a period of depression.
I’ve battled it off-and-on my whole life, but two years ago the wheels just completely came off.
I’d just had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with my friends, and I went to sleep in a good mood, but then the next day I couldn’t get out of bed. I was still in bed four days later when my boss started calling.
The next two years were a battle. I lost my job. I was hospitalized three times.
I filled a giant binder with information about depression, where to find programs, and how to appeal your insurance company.
 I felt like I was fighting for my life.
I’d call a hospital that specialized in a certain type of therapy, and they’d tell me they didn’t take my insurance. I’d say: ‘Please help me. I’m dying.’”

I'm dying.

When I keep really still.
Really still.
Where the only movement is my occassional eye-blinks.

Then, I recall.
I could remember who I am.

But I'm dying.

My friend canceled on me, so I’m left there all by myself. I’m the type (dying breed) who honors appointment and make the effort to be early, so that I don risk being late.
That’s how I was left all alone in Ss2 at 11.15a.m

Worst part? They stop serving breakfast meals at 11a.m SHARP.

So, there I was sitting at the first floor, chomping down fries and McChicken, looking out the window…

Staring at the people who are walking alone, walking with family, walking with friends… cars driving by, cars getting into parking, getting out of parking…

....My thoughts just strayed...

Then, I looked at the time.

1 hour had passed.

My unbitten parts of McChicken was cold.

Threw every food on the table in my mouth and washed my hands before I headed for exit.

–If only I could do the same with the things that went through my head

Wonderful quotes from the movie Flight of the Phoenix
Frank Towns: Why give people false hope?

Liddle: Come on man.Most people spend their whole lives hanging on to hopes and dreams that are never going to come true but they hold on to them. Why are you going to give up on them now when you need them most?

Frank Towns: You are assuming I'm one of those people who has hopes and dreams.

Liddle: I find it hard to believe that a man who learns to fly never had a dream.

Frank Towns: Look, how can I let those people build that plane when I don't believe it will work? And, every day they waste trying to build it brings them one day closer to dying.

Liddle: I think a man only needs one thing in life. He just needs someone to love. If you can't give him that, then give him something to hope for. And if you can't give him that, just give him something to do.

[James tosses the water bottle back to Frank and walks away] 

Frank Towns: James, you'll never make it.

Liddle: Then I'll die trying. There are people counting on me.