Tuesday, December 07, 2010

**taken at sister's unit in Penang, morning**

I've always had anxiety problems, even as a little kid.
I remember that when I was here holidaying as a kid, I was always overly anxious about the day we had to go back to PJ.
I kept counting the days.
Of course, when the day came, my eyes will be teary.
I'd be very depressed for at least one week back home.
I clearly remember this scene where my aunt called us from Penang to ask how I was doing. When mother reported back that I'm like a sick kitten, my aunt said,
"Ah, yeah lar.. that girl has always been very emotionally fragile"

As an adult here in Penang now, I kept making comparisons of myself during my several previous stays, ranging from a kid to a teen.
Many past incidents were revived in my head.
Many of which had highlighted my character flaw, some more obvious indications than others.
Perhaps the peace that I enjoy here or I'm maturing (?);I'm beginning to feel somewhat more willing to take responsibility for the things that had gone wrong for me.
For the past few days here, my 'blame game' seemed to have dropped a few notches.

I feel ashamed.
Suddenly I feel a phrase from a movie about troubled teenagers, slapped unto my face.
The teacher in the movie yelled at the student,
"It's time you start taking responsibilities for yourself! No one questioned how difficult you had it, but we can't change that no more! But we can change what's coming!"- imagine this spoken with the African-American slang.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

change, no matter in what form is a always good thing. Its a measurement of growth and progress. Proud of how far you have come! Keep pushing for growth and keep moving forward. Greater things have yet to come.

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us."
Eph 3:20

-meow-