[Eva:] So what happens now?
[Che:] Another suitcase in another hall
[Eva:] So what happens now?
[Che:] Take your picture off another wall
[Eva:] Where am I going to?
[Che:] You'll get by, you always have before
[Eva:] Where am I going to?

Time and time again I've said that I don't care
That I'm immune to gloom, that I'm hard through and through
But every time it matters all my words desert me
So anyone can hurt me, and they do

................MADONNA ,Another Suitcase In Another Hall Album: SOUNDTRACK - Evita

I left the house at 6 a.m.
Was at the office early to finish up work that was assigned during the weekends (my supposed rest days).
Before I could move on to the second assignment given during the weekends, was called to a meeting which last 30 mins.
As I was about to resume my work, was called again for a 2 hour brain-storming session.
During which I had to leave once to redo a copy in accordance to the whim of the client.
Rushed out to an appointment.
Came back, hoping to catch lunch.
But before I could even make a drink, was made to redo another copy TWICE.
After my 5 o’clock lunch, had to redo another copy.
Upon done, thought it was high time I start on the morning’s unfinished assignment.
But no, came in another NEW assignment.
Deadline – immediately. (they need to know by now this word doesn’t have an effect on me anymore)
Tried to work on it but my eyes were too sleepy.
Drove home like mad, fearing that I might doze off behind the wheels.
I had to bite my finger to stay awake.
Collapsed on the bed the moment I saw it.
Slept the second my body touched the mattress.
Two hours later, here I am trying to finish what I couldn’t.


I’m not complaining.
I don’t regret my choice.
But please, tell me… what’s wrong?

I was waiting in queue to use the OPAC system in the library.
I was behind a little girl who was using one finger to type a book title of almost 6 words.
She didn’t realized that she got the location of search wrong and many other specs wrong too.
But I thought, “Let her learn first.”

Right after she clicked the button ENTER. As expected, ‘DATA ERROR’ popped on the screen.
That’s where I stepped in and explained to her.
“This isn’t google. You need to use keywords under the right category…” as I shamelessly posed smarter than her.
As I widened down the search, the little sweet girl very softly tapped my arm and gently said,
“Centipedes and Millipedes are worms not bug.”

When we teach, we all learn together.

Saturday,
Walked out of the office to catch a short break, ( more like curi tulang)
Needed to buy Yoko Yoko to relieve my shoulder stiffness.
As the whole office area is very new to me, I had no idea where to go.
Strolled around aimlessly but cheerfully.

To my delight, I did found a pharmacy.
Opposite it, was a lottery shop.
Recalling the euphoria in the office about buying a certain numbers, I couldn’t resist but just went in and punched a few numbers.

As I walked out, I thought to myself, “Gambling is quite amazing really… it always gives hope to the gambler, no matter how senseless or illogical the situation is.”

I approached the church which I had always been curious about.
There were a few obvious church go-ers at the entrance door.
“Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice… there’s a church here.
I work nearby and thought it’d be nice if I could join some church activities here.”
Then, I went on and on about being a holy Christian and what a humble and eager Christian I am.
I wasn’t bluffing.
I merely exaggerated.
Unintentionally.
I wanted them to see that I’m not kidding about paying them a visit.

That’s when it happened.
One of the church go-ers was staring at my hand.
The one which was holding the lottery ticket.

Ask and you shall receive.
It was 8 am. Having breakfast at a public cafeteria.
My addiction for the daily news was kicking in.
I scanned around to see if there was anything available.
I caught a man carrying my favourite free local paper, The Sun.
I couldn’t resist my temptation and walked over to his table and asked,
“Excuse me, where did you get the paper?”
“Oh, not here. I got it outside.”

I couldn’t hide my disappointment.
Thanked him and left.
Ate my breakfast, feeling lost without newspaper supplement.
20 mins later, the man gave me his newspaper as he make his exit.
I couldn’t hide my child-like delight.
“Thank you very much!” looking at the seemingly unread paper.

ABCD, I have to be very brave to ask you this.
if you don't have a gf, can i go out with you?
I don't have time to play guessing games.
I like you.
............
I just want to go out with a guy for once.
I don't have time.

If you choose NOT to, i respect that. You don't have to respond.
I will get the message.
We can just pretend I didn't send out this email.
If you are open to this idea, call / sms me -----

I really do like you and you're the first guy I'm asking this.... and I don't even know if i'm doing right,, but i have no time to think anymore...

### can you believe this? I 'm still shocked

My ex- colleague (copywriter) left these quotes especially for me.

For Hun

Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him. ~Aldous Leonard Huxley, Texts and Pretexts, 1932

No physician is really good before he has killed one or two patients. ~Hindu Proverb

Common sense is not so common. ~Voltaire

Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think. ~Chinese Proverb

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got. ~Art Buchwald

I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork. ~Peter De Vries

Every writer I know has trouble writing. ~Joseph Heller

Every author in some way portrays himself in his works, even if it be against his will. ~Goethe

No man can climb out beyond the limitations of his own character. ~John Morley

Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Life's Little Instruction Book

The monster paid me a visit, yet again.
It is very cunning.
No, cunning is an understatement.

It knows where to hit me where it hurts the most.

I'm alone in the office.
Cried my eyes out.

But I'm not giving up.

No way...

“I gave an old man a lift home today.”

My sister gave me a puzzled look.

Yes, we went through all the ugliness the world has taken into shape.
Yes, the ‘creative’ minds of the evil.
BUT,
I had thought that good will always prevail.
Of all people, I thought my sister would understand.

But now, even she got me thinking.
I can’t help but worry,
…………..what is left?

"Ah,I had a good night's sleep last night!"

My sister smiled.
She is relieved because I have not been sleeping 'normally' for a whole week.

"I went down to read the newspaper at midnight. But I only remember reading, 'The Sun,Wednesday....ZZZzzzz," I narratted.

My sister raised her eyebrow.

"Then, KO came down at 1.30 a.m - woke me up. I went to his room, relaxed on his floor, chatted, while listening to the 988 late night talk-show. Somewhere along the way, I must have dozed off because when KO asked me if I'd rather sleep on his bed, (he was surfing the Net), I zombie-ly said 'no' and walked zombie-ly to my room.
I glanced at the clock. It was 3a.m.
And I slept there till 8.30a.m!"

I clasp my hand,excited at the improvement of my sleeping pattern.

When I looked at my sis, I realised she wasn't exactly relieved anymore.

"That's..'normal'?"
My sister is worried.

You can take an inquisitive mind out of journalism, but you can never take journalism out of an inquisitive mind.. – (at least in my case)
I received a phone call last Thursday night at 9.30pm, inviting me for a job interview.
He didn’t offer the usual protocol-like information, and I had to tiresomely ask the questions one after another.
I told him that I was unavailable.
In response, he just mumbled something and hung up.
Yesterday, (Sunday) I received another call from this company, but with a different voice.
The conversation was smoother, but the poor chap sounded so drained and miserable.

My brother asked, “So, are you going for that funny company tomorrow? It’s quite a travel, you know. Rush hour, some more.”

“Hmm, I don’t know lar. A part of me wants to go, but the lazy bugs are biting ferociously. I’ll decide tomorrow morning,” mentally opting to make a last-minute cancel.
I didn’t feel that they deserve professional courtesy from me anyway.
So, I was at a comfortable spot.

Fate has it that I woke up feeling quite refreshed today.
“Ah, go lar. Nothing to lose,” I thought optimistically.

My nerves reached an even more comfortable level when I finally found the place.
I felt really very good about this appointment, as I was 10 minutes early,
I filled up the usual form, but was disappointed that the form was poorly made.
I thought it asked quite a lot of unnecessary mundane questions and the space provided was hilarious.
Seated on the comfortable couch, I could hear the usual Monday-Power-Meeting.
‘Wow, the boss is very fiery with expectations.’
‘Competition is tight, I expect.’
‘Well, only with competition can we improve’
- My thoughts continue trying to figure out the company.

When I was finally called in the room for interview, I saw a middle-age Chinese lady with an Indian man.
My mind kept guessing who calls the shot here..
“Sit down. Now tell me how good your command in English, Malay and Chinese is,” the man said rapidly. (Too rapid for my taste, if you ask me.)
“Aiya, she’s checking out your room!” The lady exclaimed.

I was taken aback because my concentration was diverted and I thought it was rude to address me as a third person when I’m right in front of her.

Although the interview process was bad, I felt very good about it.
It helped me deduce my concerns that have been circling my thoughts for the past week.
I had back my confidence, my asset which I thought I could never retrieve.
I wasn’t afraid, but was at ease.
I answered his questions how I thought appropriate.
It was then, that magic happened.
The tables turned.
He was following my rhythm and flow of conversation.
The interview ended quickly because I got what I wanted and simply excused myself.

As, I strolled out of the office, my mind was questioning at the possible cause of the change.

I got my conclusion when I reached KLCC.
He was doubtful of my identity, thinking that I’m a journalist who perhaps is doing an undercover.

What a day! I have so many more stories to tell.
All because I woke up on time.
=)

It has been at least 5 years since I stepped foot into that house.
However, I subconsciously expected things to be the same.
I knew grandma C isn’t there anymore, but still, I was ‘searching’ for her.
I sat down at my usual spot in the house, simply out of habit.
I looked up.

She always sat opposite me.
“Wah, so early ah? Have you eaten?” – the routine questions Asian elders always ask.
But not this time.
All that was in front of me was the view across the street, a view I had never noticed before.
As I take my leave, I even subconsciously ‘looked’ for her to bid farewell as it’s the customary Asian courtesy.

“Grandma C, I’m leaving.”
“Oh, so soon? Be careful yeah?”

Who knows, perhaps I did bid her farewell for the last time.

Isn’t it our memory system amazing?
Things which you thought you don’t remember anymore, suddenly just pops up like an online advertisement.
I was reading an article on history, when suddenly my mind retrieved an episode of my life.

“Yin Hun! Come here!”. I approached the teacher’s table.
Her voice mellowed, being aware that there were other curious students around.
“You know, when I saw this paper, I couldn’t believe it’s yours! I had to recheck the name twice.”
She paused, hoping for a response.
I had none to give but a shameful expression.
“You facing some kind of problems, is it? Boyfriend?”
I swallowed down my evoked emotions. I knew I better find an exit before I create a scene.
“I’m sorry, teacher. I’ll work harder next time,” and quickly rush to my seat and pretend that I’m unaffected the best I could.

You know what tickles me?
Till this day, people still ask me, “Boyfriend problem, is it?”
Men are just too overrated.

When you first enter an office, what are the signs do you look for which can give you some information about the company?

I look at interior design and the staff itself.

I was called for an interview and very automatically I visited the company's website.
I was very impressed and had high hopes for it.

Today, I could fall asleep just looking at the interviewer.
The air-conditioner had more of my attention than what she had to offer me.
As I turned to leave, I glanced around to see other staff.
All so sad looking.
With expressions saying,

"Go find employment somewhere else!Anywhere else is better!Save yourself!"

Sigh... there I was hoping...

I know it’s an infringement of copyright when I was copying this chapter in MPH bookstore. I think one of the staff noticed but decided that her current task of book arranging was more important.
Bless her.

Elizabeth; The Golden Age by William Nicholson and Michael First.

“The forces that shape the world are greater than all of us, your Majesty. How can I promise you that they will conspire in your favour, even though you are the Queen? But this I know. When the storm breaks, each man acts in accordance of his nature. Some are dumb with fear. Some flee. Some hide. And some spread their wings like eagles and soar on the wind.”

“You are a very wise man, Dr Dee.”

“And you, madam, are a very great lady.”

Both the boys were imitating their parents smoking.
They used a pencil as the cigarette and the mechanical lead refills as the lighter.
They are aged 9 and 6.
They even rest their feet on the coffee table.
They also flicked their pencils to an ‘ashtray’.
They puffed imaginary smoke like it’s the coolest thing ever.
A classic example why parents shouldn’t smoke.


At least not in front of their kids.

Lately, I’m very drawn to watch movies which are based on mental instability.
It’s like a channel that connects me to the world that I can relate to.
I just watched ‘Running with Scissors’.

In a whole unrelated topic, I dreamt of an old classmate.
It’s so weird because I didn’t even think of her or anything that was related to her happened before I slept.
Such an isolated dream.
The weirdest part was, my personality in the dream was the one I had back at the age when I was closest to her. I cracked the same type of lame jokes and she laughed just like she used to.
But the setting was the current time.
There is far too much to learn about psychology.