I've been quite 'ok' these few weeks.
I almost dare to use the word, -happy.
But I remind myself my own words that I've uttered not long ago.

"I have to keep checking myself. Make sure I do things to uplift myself so that I don't fall too deep in when I'm sad. At the same time, I have to double check my happy moments. Am I too happy? I'm constantly balancing on tight rope. Even the very thought that I'm fine needs to be check, because I can't trust my own mind."

I'm not normal.
I can't be.
I can't pretend to be.

I have to be me.

There is a lump in my throat.
Bitterness in my thoughts
And heaviness in my heart.