Colleague L of almost 3 years, plays a substantial part in my life.
Both of us have resigned from our respective fields ( we both hold degree papers) and found working in this very sedentary, and almost menial work to be conducive for our situation.
(Both of us had history in breaking down at previous workplaces.)
Also, we share the similar approach towards work, unlike the majority.
Unfortunately, that is as far as our common area is stretched.

Due to our similar background, I had mistakenly trusted her with my delicate history.
I recommended coping mechanisms, support groups, and had driven her to see doctors on several occasions.
I thought we were good friends.
I finally learnt better when the gossips resonated back to me.

I never try to hide the fact that I'm battling with depression when asked by others, whereas she'd tell people that she's merely having 'sleep problems'.
She tells people that she had a terrible 'auto-mobile accident' and can no longer work in her old field of work.
I think that till today, she doesn't seem to fully accept her mental status issue.

Recently she asked,
"How come you don't really talk to me these days?"
I smiled and said, "I think it's already very good that we don't argue."
"You're so negative!" she shot back.
I continued smiling.

I mentioned her to another friend, E.
"I wish I'm friends with L. But sadly, we can't be. A colleague is all she can be."
"But you talk about her a lot."
"Well, we DO see each other everyday .. sigh..."

E is right.
I should find other things to talk about.
Why do I keep feeding this negativity?

** ps - a colleague opened my browser history in a shared work computer and found this blog. He had the cheek to tease me about it. I told him in a serious tone not to tell anyone but I doubt such person would understand discretion. So, to that guy - "I really should have shown you the middle finger there and then. Gossips can't possibly hurt me more that what I've been through"