My sis pulled a chair and sat next to me while I was eating dinner.
I always feel very nice and cozy in the inside whenever someone WANTS to talk to me,
And I mean like, giving 100% attention
Not over a meal, in a car, watching tv etc.
“I wanted to write a note, but after finishing the first sentence, I realized that I had left too much space on the paper, so I wrote an essay lor, but still got space so I drew a pic.”
I laughed.
“Huh? You saw my note already?”
“No. I imagined it and it’s already funny.”I ran up and took this photo on her bed.




My sister is really a very special gal.
I feel very sorry for her that she too, had suffered, for reasons that I’d like to believe I understand.

I can relate to this,

#taken from postsecret.blogspot.com

I was waiting for someone,
I didn't make an appointment, so I had to be alert and keep looking up whenever someone walks in.

Suddenly, I saw someone who resembled one of my ex-colleague very much.

The image of him came very clearly into mind.
I was grinning.

Did I realised that I was working with such a super hot - movie -star material guy?

Maybe...

I really wish I could take Stephen Chow's advice about viewing life with a more light-hearted manner.

WOW- Imagine, -to be able Laugh at the ugliest side of my life.
Now, that's a SKILL.

I agree, that it'd make me a better person.

A mUCH better person.

Definitely.

This is a very selfish blog.
Yes, because I'm typing this while my poor bro is trying to sleep.
My room is no longer MINE.
It's HIS.
Dowager's order.
Well, it's sort of fair too. Coz he will be giving more money to her.
(I don't know how much)
But honestly, I'm not bearing any ill feeling against my bro, unless you count PITY.
My poor bro is having some financial difficulty...

My friend said this recently, "I thought you are very fond of your bro."
FOND?
Fond is a very irrelevant word here in my family.
Yes, I yearn for affection from my bro ALL the time but logic has it that I should give up.
Time and again I always forget logic and do something nice for him only to be disappointed soon after.
He hasn't done anything that hurt me, nor has he done anything to assist me.
To be fair, I did nothing for him either.
That's our relationship.

We grew up in a VERY difficult situation, a very UNcommon situation.
He lost just as much as I did.
But then again, how do I weigh our loss?
It's all just so senseless...

I asked my sis,
If you were to cast the Harry Potter's Expecto Patronum spell, What happy thought would you put in your mind?

She said, "Penang, You?"

I took my time to think about this.

My sis got impatient, "wah,, usually when people ask this kind of question, they'd already have their own answer ready in mind. You take such a long time to think, The Dementors have SUCKED you several times already."

I just couldn't think of a HAPPY thought. Something really SOLIDLY GENUINELY HAPPY.
ahhh.. I got it...
It was the ferry rides.
To PENANG.

My mother hides food from me.

Crazy ler?

She has been doing it for years, and I'm immuned to it.
But two nights ago, I accidentally bumped into these things ...
I was holding a camera ... so... why not?


It's the Honey... see?



Can you see the Tiger biscuits? It's the one with white packaging. I know it's hard to see in this photo, but I didn't want to move her stuff.


Can you see the instant noodles?

Usually I keep all these crazy family things hidden inside me.
Not exactly a proper topic to chat on the dinner table with friends is it?
But now, I letting it out.
I think it's therapeutic.
After all I've been through, I'm sure it'd do me some good.
I'm sure it's at least worth experimenting.

U know what's the worst thing?
mother always forgets the foodstuff she hides.
Therefore, by the time she remembers... it would have expired.
Then,,,,she'd offer it to the family.
Eg. Like just recently.
She found a packet of raisins which had expired (1 year), no doubt she had hidden it, coz I would have eaten some of them had I saw them. -(I love raisins)

It was used as an ingredient for the cookies, which I happily ate anyway.
I love raisins... even when it is SO... dry...
See?
This is how I grew up
I always agree with this quote...

"Before they were crazy, the world was crazy to them first."

Nancy Gibbs, Times, Jan 28, 2008

"Democracy presumes that we're all created equal;
competition proves we are not, or else every race would end in a tie."

I'm looking at Banana's friendster pictures.
All I saw was, - What A FOOL I have been.

What was I thinking?
Lies we tell ourselves...

Sheesh...

My Inspiration



{Dated November 26, 2005.Young boy carries bottled water back to his family in a camp in Dhanni in Pakistan.}

I kept this photo for such a long time.
It 's obvious why...

I don't know what to do with this watch.
I almost gave it to the 9-year-old but my sister prostested like mad.
Coz she felt that brat wouldn't appreciate it ... nor does he deserve such kind gesture. Well, HE IS a SPOILED brat.

Wish I have someone to give this to.
I onced said this ...
" You know, it's always a blessing to be able to give presents to loved ones."

I need more loved ones.

I just dialed the number before the show started.
My sister said that that’s the only possible time when my phone call will be picked up.
“Hello.”
I didn’t even know if there is a call-in contest.
If there is one, I don’t’ even know the question.
Then, he asked.
“Is this the second installation of Alien Vs Predator?”
I answered correctly and he congratulated me.
He put me through live but I still have no idea what I’ve won.


It turned out to be a watch, notebook, lanyard, keychain, movie tickets..

And the best one of all, DONUTS!!

Charles Schultz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the
"Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions.
Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.


How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no
second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause
dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and
certificates are buried with their owners .


Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with ..


Easier?

The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones
with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the
ones that care .


"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.


It's already tomorrow in Australia." (Charles Schultz)

There are a certain context in my life which only my sis can understand; because we were brought up in the same condition.

A few days ago, she shared a story with me.
Testimony about her stay with our aunts (mom's sis) in Penang.

"You know, they always praise me. Making me feel like the best person to do this and that... When I help out, they say I work too hard. Even the simple tasks I do , they'd make me feel like I've done an exceptionally good job."

I wasn't there to witness but I can really picture the scenario.
I was with my aunts before.
Yes, they are nothing like my mother.
I immediately thought of this...

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If it was true,
Why didn't it last?

Now, that it's meant to,
Why can't I let it be my past?

I was at McD.
A little Malay boy asked the personnel at the counter how much does the fries cost.
His little words in Malay was so amusing.
I had to go, awww (in the mind lar)

Then, he asked how much does the smallest packet of fries cost.
Then, he asked if they sell it at Rm1.
(I think he's more familiar with the pricing at the night market.)
He was so disappointed.

I felt like I was in some McD advertisement.
I saw him walked away, and I was hoping that he would rejoin his family and ask for more money, but he walked away alone until I lost sight of him.

HONESTLY.
If I had my fries ready on the counter, I would have passed it to him.
I saw him walk with a heavy heart.
Both our hearts...
I totally understand the feeling of wanting to eat something real bad, but can't.

I was lying on my bed, feeling utterly confused with myself.
I feel guilty, and yet I'm still angry.
I feel I have fallen, and yet I still want to fight.
I have the little fire, but no strength.

Then, I felt something.
My stomach.
I had a lot for dinner.
It wasn't nice at all. But I'm full, well- nourished.

My thoughts went to the news reported today.
-about some African country which is currently facing some election conflicts. The politician was lurring his supporters with food. Consequently, the people fought for the packages. It was a very sad scene.

My mind flashed back to 2003 in McD at The Mall, PWTC.
I was dinning with a friend.
" I'm just so glad that I've never experienced hunger, not to the extend of understanding the actual desperation of the word."

Ah... thoughts lying on the bed...

I’m sure there are occasions where you hear about news which doesn’t make sense at all.
"How could her own mother do this?" question would come to mind.

You’d wonder what happened, how could … why didn’t… but shouldn’t there…

It’s just not possible.
It just doesn’t seem to make sense.

Well, now we learn that things don’t have to make sense in order to be REAL, right?

Many times I find it hard to explain the relationship I have with my mother.
Being brought up with Asian values, bad mouthing about your parents is ultimately condemned to the final dust.

Thus, each time I’m asked… I’m dumbfounded.
But today, I shall make use of this technological freedom of expression.

My mom led me to the deep black hole. She saw me fall. She didn’t help me up. She even kicked dust to my face when I was climbing up. She’d tell me that I deserve that fall- several times.
Yes. That is my mother.

“What for you eat? A waste of food. You’re no human nor ghost.”
“Look at you, getting fatter and fatter. You’ll be like your fat cousin in no time.”
“God will punish you. People like you will have no happy ending.”

So, now you’d understand how I could fall into depression.
And why I need to ignore my mother.
That’s the kindest respond I can think of.

# some of the most intelligent, some of the most socially distinguished of people, in normal situations, if put under the pressure of those abnormal and in fact,

subhuman conditions, are soon exposed and often destroyed. And it has nothing to do with quality of the mind, and the quickness of wit and intellect or even

intellectual discipline. It has to do with something called the 'will' which may or may not be related with one's beliefs, dedication, conviction, values.#

* from the book, Lee Kuan Yew -the man and his ideas, pg 125

She shouted from her car.
"I'm glad to have you back!"

I smiled .

But deep down, I'm quite uncomfortable with the comment.

The last time she saw me, I was quite a mess.
And during my difficult period, each time I make jokes and being witty - friends who knew me well enough always say this.
"Glad that you're back." "Good to see you're yourself again."

One huge question remains.
So, the happy ME is the real me?
the Unhappy ME isn't me?

I think... enough about ME.
*Deep inhale*
just LIVE....

I merely wanted my lower jaw to be straightened.
I 'm not hoping for some Miss Colgate 100% perfect teeth.

I can't seem to make my dentist understand that.
I'm now enduring a LOT OF PAIN!
It has been two years since putting on this braces...

regret...

R-E-G-R-E-T

I want it off!!!