Friday, April 15, 2016

A card I posted to my good friend M.
She took this photo and message-ed me her thanks.

"Thank you for popping by few weeks ago. Really appreciate it. As you might ,have known for a while, things haven't been smooth-sailing for me here in P. Many times I question my decision to come here. Of course, now that I'm already here, I definitely have to persist. Should the worst case scenario happen, at least I have a little while more before moving back.
I remember writing you a card back in 2008-2009(?) I had finally calmed down from a manic episode and decided to quickly write you something before I lose it again. Well, this is something like that too. But this time, instead of mania, it is from an utmost despair.
 I do understand that I am being troubled by things that shouldn't. Logically, I should be able to go on with my life and work - unaffected. Unfortunately, my brain doesn't work that way for me. My mind doesn't tell me logic and rationale. My dysfunctional upbringing causes me to yearn for more of what is absent. Illogical and hurtful actions and remarks make me obsess for their reasons and justice when there are none. My entire focus was on the very thing that wasn't good for me.

I enjoy writing. My head gets clearer when I write. Clarity in mind doesn't come often for me. It's a luxury. I'm sorry I wasn't in a good shape when you came to visit. But then again, you have seen worse. When we were in the restaurant, when I was listening to you, I thought of the time I met up with you in McD in 2010(?) I was beginning to get back on my feet again, with a new job commencing and I was just in awe of you. You have accomplished so much, moved so far ahead since our graduation. I don't mean it like we are in a race, more like how everyone else have moved on to many bigger things, forwarding in their lives, while I am still at the same old spot, fighting the same monster. I don't mean it in a self-pity way, because that's life. I mean it in a seeing myself in perspective - sorta way.
Anyway, thank you for being my friend, for being there - always."

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