Tuesday, January 19, 2016

I'm on my third day of work at my previous place.
Yup, I went back.
Who would have thought that the management could change so drastically in 3 months?

I have been taking more meds than usual these few days.
I've been waking up unusually early eg,3am and I get pestered by all the 'thinking errors' identified in the self-help workbooks.
I get so anxious that debilitating suicidal thoughts are at bay.
The mornings.
The mornings are the worst.
My demons work the hardest during this shift of theirs.

I went for a massage last night.
I was feeling very relaxed and I had a some kind of moment of lucidity.
I had a picture of myself , covered with wounds.
Yes, I was hurt by others, but the scarier wounds were self-inflicted.
The picture tells me how cruel I am to myself.
I saw the picture and felt so sorry for that person, me.

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