"Wow, you made this? It looks like a decorative cake !", I commented, as I stared, impressed with the kids' work.

As I continued with my work minutes later, I noticed 2 young girls hovering beside me.

I turned to see this.

 When I'm Afraid - by Cheri J.Meiners

Sometimes scary things are real.

There might be fighting somewhere, or people who want to hurt other people.

I want to be strong. I want to do things I think are right, even if they seem hard.

-by Cheri J.Meiners

“I could never back down from a challenge. When I heard Add Maths was the hardest subject, that was all I focused on without realising that I neglected my other subjects. My teachers, my mother and my brother, they tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen. They said, 'It shouldn't be like this. You should work equally hard on other subjects.' 

By the time I realised they were right, I had graduated from Sirius Scholar and was pursuing my A-Levels. That was when I was faced with the darkest time in my life. My family was facing issues, my brother was struggling too and I didn't do so well for my A-Levels. I felt like everything was falling apart and fell into depression. I wanted to end it all but I was lucky to have good people in my life who constantly checked on me and tried to make me a better person. I realised that it would be unfair. I was just 18. There were so many things I could still do.

 And that was the turning point in my life. I began to recall my life as though relieving the moments from a movie reel. The words people spoke to me echoed in my head. And I realised how competitive I was, how egoistical I was. Because I was so competitive, I created a toxic environment around me.

     I remembered Teacher Ivan telling me: “You are learning the hard way.” It was the pain of realisation that made me reconsider my actions. That was when I changed. I dropped my attitude and I focused on my studies and specifically, on all my subjects equally. My life instantly changed. I did well in Monash. After completing my Bachelor of Engineering, I pursued my love for Physics in the University of College London and was awarded first-class honours. 

    Today, I’m at University of Cambridge, pursuing my PhD in Physics. 

My teachers once said, ‘Ensure your personality, your mindset, your behaviour is all in place because eventually, the results will follow.’ They were right all along. I’m happy now because I’m where I want to be right now.” ~ Matthew Teoh, Class of 2011 Alumnus, 5 Amber.

I wasn't careful last week.

I allowed myself to spiral down again.

I feel like an unrepentant addict.

My last fall was in June, less than 3 months ago.

I missed 8 days of work.

This can't do.

My job will be affected.

As usual, I was suicidal.

I came across Leslie Cheung's funeral Youtube video while browsing.

I cried when I saw so many people went to pay their respects.

Devotion by his fans and friends of the entertainment industry was obvious.

All that love, fame and fortune couldn't save him.

His last words, "I have never harmed anyone in my life, why this suffering?"

I cried.

*****************

Two days ago : My housemate tilted her head, hesitating to speak. She looked slightly scared of the words she was about to speak. Her expression worried me.

"Are you ok? Are you sick?" she asked.

" You scared me, you look like there's a ghost behind me!" I replied.

I tried to brighten up the conversation by changing the subject.

Her expression made it clearer what a mess I'm in.

And again, I got better.

It's when I begin to care about the taste in food again, when the dirt on the floor becomes unbearable, and when I laugh again.

You'll never forget your first laugh after a depression drought.

And then, the desire to write comes.

That's when I know.

Mulan was also another unexpected good movie.

When employed correctly, 4 ounces can move 1000 pounds. -Mulan

Some say the phoenix is consumed by flame and emerges again.

There is no courage without fear. -Zhou

The Farewell : A moving story about how fearful the family was of letting the Grandma know that the doctor diagnose that she has only 3 months to live. The ending was a surprise to me. 

The Grandma character whom it was based on, continued to live till this day, 6 years after the diagnosis.