Wednesday, December 21, 2016

L, my ex-co worker in the PJ state contacted me to let me know that my old job is vacant. She encouraged me to try.
Her efforts in messaging me was surprisingly mysterious because we were never friends to begin with.
Acquaintances the most.

I do regret my decision coming here to Penang.
If I could turn back time, I wouldn't have left my old job, the one which I was so stable in, to come here, an entirely different risky experience, which had caused several relapses of depression.
My current weight gain truly depresses me.
I'm back to square one.

I pulled out an old shirt that was handed down by my sister.
It has a very strong fabric softener smell.
My sense of smell very quickly and succinctly reminded me of how I felt when I came to visit my sis here 3 years ago.
That sense of clarity.
I had that clear sense of clarity.

I can't go back.
I have no home back there.
I have only two choices.

A more familiar and comfortable misery back home ;
or risk creating  my own new misery and smudges of happiness here.

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