My friend's little 5-day-old baby boy, Jayrus.

One thing good did come out of this whole CLY heartache.
I got to know that so many people cares for me.
A friend actually called me up 3 hours after our chat, worried of me.
Another friend made sure I have plans throughout the week, but totally understands if I need some time alone too.
"I'm ok. Nothing out of the ordinary. It's just a process that I'm going through."
I went shopping, visited the little precious * as seen above, went for a massage, and then gym.

Now, I'm typing my blog post feeling very desolated.
My mind kept doing post-mortem on this .
Had I played my cards wrong?
"Where did I go wrong? Did I tell him too soon? Did I give him enough time to know me better? Was I silly to even hope there was a possibility? "
I continued, "It's not that I wanted him that bad.The pain derives from the fact that he gave me the impression that he was keen on me... but.. . backed off  because of my illness.. and I can't even blame him for that. I end up blaming myself. "

My friend consoled me
"Blame yourself for being honest? I think not. You cant help the way he responds .
You took a risk . Risk always has consequences...
So chin up.  You've been through a lot worst"

Oh, the pain.
Baby Jayrus, I know that the next time I see you, you'd be a cute little toddler, and my heart would not ache like this anymore.
Time will heal.