Another dream crushed.

I moved into D2-407 with such dreamy aspirations.

I had bought so many many things for my new home.

It's now even an address which I can easily recall.

But now, all is irrelevant.

It is now my ex-home.

The moment I'm at the door, I see the doormat which I had bought.

The door bell, the shoe rack, the table, chairs, fan, space divider, ladder, screen shield at the window, the clock, the rack, the air fryer, stove, slow cooker, clock, even just the rubbish bin bags mean something to me.

I bought all these things for my home, for me to be comfortable in my home.

I now no longer have my own home.

On a different note, my housemate T, all of a sudden has turned very nasty towards me.

It all changed when she took over to be the main tenant.

A person's character is best seen in times of adversity.

Makes me wonder what had I been seeing for the previous months.

An illusion at best.

My landlord handled it very maturely.

He even comforted me by saying he hoped to rent out to me again.

Such good businessman.

"Wow, you made this? It looks like a decorative cake !", I commented, as I stared, impressed with the kids' work.

As I continued with my work minutes later, I noticed 2 young girls hovering beside me.

I turned to see this.

 When I'm Afraid - by Cheri J.Meiners

Sometimes scary things are real.

There might be fighting somewhere, or people who want to hurt other people.

I want to be strong. I want to do things I think are right, even if they seem hard.

-by Cheri J.Meiners

“I could never back down from a challenge. When I heard Add Maths was the hardest subject, that was all I focused on without realising that I neglected my other subjects. My teachers, my mother and my brother, they tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen. They said, 'It shouldn't be like this. You should work equally hard on other subjects.' 

By the time I realised they were right, I had graduated from Sirius Scholar and was pursuing my A-Levels. That was when I was faced with the darkest time in my life. My family was facing issues, my brother was struggling too and I didn't do so well for my A-Levels. I felt like everything was falling apart and fell into depression. I wanted to end it all but I was lucky to have good people in my life who constantly checked on me and tried to make me a better person. I realised that it would be unfair. I was just 18. There were so many things I could still do.

 And that was the turning point in my life. I began to recall my life as though relieving the moments from a movie reel. The words people spoke to me echoed in my head. And I realised how competitive I was, how egoistical I was. Because I was so competitive, I created a toxic environment around me.

     I remembered Teacher Ivan telling me: “You are learning the hard way.” It was the pain of realisation that made me reconsider my actions. That was when I changed. I dropped my attitude and I focused on my studies and specifically, on all my subjects equally. My life instantly changed. I did well in Monash. After completing my Bachelor of Engineering, I pursued my love for Physics in the University of College London and was awarded first-class honours. 

    Today, I’m at University of Cambridge, pursuing my PhD in Physics. 

My teachers once said, ‘Ensure your personality, your mindset, your behaviour is all in place because eventually, the results will follow.’ They were right all along. I’m happy now because I’m where I want to be right now.” ~ Matthew Teoh, Class of 2011 Alumnus, 5 Amber.

 at the end of the episode Cycle Around Japan,  

James Hobbs the cyclist host said, "...the future is full of opportunities and potential.

And the only limit to our potential is the limit of our own imagination. 

Sanjiv Daevin with his long-time musician friend Eddie Zachariah (right) on their way to an international music festival. 

 PETALING JAYA, August 6 — Eddy Zachariah had been pals with A. Sanjiv Daevin for more than half of Sanjiv’s life. Ever since Sanjiv was a fresh-faced teenager who joined the Aseana Percussion Unit (APU) in 2001. 

 That’s what made it so difficult for Zachariah when he heard the news that his “partner-in-crime” was found dead by the police on Monday, after falling from his 12th-floor condominium in Bandar Kinrara, Serdang. 

 Zachariah told Malay Mail that he was gutted when he found out what had happened and still cannot imagine that his bright-smiled friend would ever take his own life. 

 “It was a really big, terrible shock. We were very, very close and had so many good times together. We spoke a few weeks ago and everything was fine. He was normal and we were even making plans to go out one of these days,” said Zachariah. 

 “On Sunday night he was with some of his former pilot crew members, and they were shocked as well when they heard because when they parted ways he seemed fine and even said that he would catch up with them soon. 

But the next day it happened. “That’s the big question mark that’s hanging. He never showed any signs of depression or sadness. That’s the thing that is so hard to accept.”

Sanjiv, 35, used to work as a pilot for AirAsia, before being let go during the MCO, and was also an extremely skilled musician who could play seven different instruments as well as a qualified music instructor at Music Mart in Petaling Jaya.

Zachariah said that while he is devastated by Sanjiv’s passing, he is determined to remember his old friend for all of his positive traits, saying that Sanjiv was always a kind friend and intelligent musician.

“He was a real go-getter. Since he was young, whenever he puts his mind to something, he really does it,” said Zachariah.

“He spent one year in Germany and could speak fluent German by the end of it. He studied and graduated in IT and then pursued his dream of becoming a pilot. After three years at AirAsia, he became a captain, but he would still perform gigs with us.”

He added that Sanjiv was also very professional and disciplined when it came to his work.

“All his friends at AirAsia said that Sanjiv was a real pro, who lived to work. And he really cared about his job too because whenever he has an upcoming flight he’ll tell me he can’t come out for drinks. But as soon as he has some time off, he will call me out,” said Zachariah.

Zachariah also said that Sanjiv used to love spending time outdoors and would go road cycling with his friends every weekend.

Edwin Nathaniel, APU leader and also a good friend of Sanjiv’s, fondly remembers how Sanjiv took over his sister Sujatha’s place in APU all those years ago.

 

Last Tuesday my son Johan Alam came home and sat with me and his sister in the hall. Then he cried.

He had just returned from the wake of Sanjiv Daevin, 35, who had fallen to his death a day earlier.They became pals more than 10 years ago when they were course mates at Malaysian Flying Academy in Malacca.

One thing Johan said that struck me like an arrow through the heart was, “It could have been me.”

“Why didn’t Sanjiv call someone?” Johan asked. “Yes, he lost his job but life was still fine for him.”

But then we never know. We always assume that things are okay because people with personal problems or depression hardly ever reveal much to others.

When Johan and his friends left the wake after paying their respects, they agreed that it is absolutely vital for them to keep in touch regularly. They also agreed to talk to each other if any of them has problems.

Sanjiv, also a talented musician, was retrenched from his piloting job a few months ago but those close to him didn’t realise the extent of his stress.

Sanjiv had even been to our house those days. He would even car pool with Johan once a while to go back to Malacca.

They went separate ways after flying school and hardly contacted each other then on.

We need to be more alert to what our loved ones (including friends) are going through and be ready to listen and help.

Johan, while friendly with everyone, is not generous with words when describing and assessing people. But in Sanjiv, he said he has lost a wonderful friend. That says a lot about the great guy Sanjiv was.

Wind calm, cleared for take-off … until next time, buddy

– Johan Alam

Was happy to hear that Raym 's contract has been renewed.
Boss decided to adjust his employment terms so that he's able to cope.
Boss is indeed compassionate.

The cleaner who was I was quite close to, suffered a stroke.
A week ago, she had complained about headaches and lethargy.
I gently advised her to rest more and not work the extra shifts.
She even regularly took side jobs as a masseuse.
I hope she gets well soon.

한숨 hansum “Breathe” by Lee Hi
Take a deep breath
Until both sides of your heart get numb
Until it hurts a little
Let out your breath even more
Until you feel
Like there’s nothing left inside
It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words

[Chorus]
Someone’s breath. That heavy breath
How can I see through that?
Though I can’t understand your breath
It’s alright I’ll hold you

[Verse 2]
It’s alright if you run out of breath
No one will blame you
It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes
Because anyone can do so
Although comforting by saying it’s alright
Are just words

[Verse 3]

Even if others think your sigh

Takes out energy and strength

I already know

That you had a day that’s hard enough

To let out even a small sigh

Now don’t think of anything else

Let out a deep sigh

Just let it out like that

[Outro]

Someone’s breath. That heavy breath

How can I see through that?

Though I can’t understand your breath

It’s alright I’ll hold you

You really did a good job

Artist: Jonghyun (김종현 ) Song: 하루의 끝 (End of a Day)

Hold out your hand, wrap it around my neck

A little below, massage my shoulders

At the end of a tiring day

Even if the sun has already come up

I’m finally closing my eyes

 

I close the door to my day later than others

Playfully tickle my earlobe

Because even though we’ve been in different worlds all day

We always end the day together

 

Your small shoulders, your small hands

Become my cozy blanket at the end of a tiring day

You did a good job today, you worked so hard

I hope my shoulders and my thick hands

Will become cozy comfort

For the end of your tiring day as well

I want to naturally sync my breathing with yours

 

Like water in a bathtub that wraps around you

With no space left

I wanna warmly hold you without any space left

At the end of my day, filled with awkward mistakes

You, my prize, are waiting for me

 

I can’t cry all I want or even laugh all I want

At the end of a tiring day but still, if I’m next to you

Like a child, I can whine and then laugh

Till I run out of breath

I’m not used to seeing myself like this

 

You did a good job today, you worked so hard

You are my prize

I like this photo.

So sorry to see her go.........bye Fira

There was a group of little children playing hide and seek in the playground of the apartment.
A little toddler caught my eye.
She doesn't know what's going on but she's happy that her siblings were so excited and that she's also part of the game.
The way the toddler looked at her older sister was priceless.
An unfathomable but trusting joy...

I learnt that Raym is leaving the company.
"I've been made redundant," he so honestly put it.
I felt so bad for him.
He is the type of man who'd tell you how blessed he was to be given a lift home,
 instead of how someone had knocked his car by accident, causing him terrible inconvenience though no fault of his own.
He's the type who always focus on positive because he genuinely believes that he'd feel closer to God this way.

A faithful heart is a grateful heart.

"Everything happens for a reason, perhaps this period will enable me to spend more time with my ageing parents," he said.

Quote from the program, "Delicious food heals the soul from emotional problems," the local social influencer Pa Tue said.
"I'd rather be fat eating food than taking medication," he continued to laugh.

Covid 19 has affected many. This poor Ice-cream seller depends on sales outside school after dismissal time. With all schools shut down, life is hard on him.
(Thursday )-I decided to go down to buy some to support him. He charged me more than the usual market rate, but I guess I shouldn't mind it.
I was quite surprised that he's actually a foreigner, from Bangladesh maybe.
I've always admired these courageous foreign workers who risked so much to come to an unfamiliar land to make a living.

(Friday). I felt my day had improved since I ate his ice-creams yesterday, I decided to buy from him again today

Today - my day did improve. I actually woke up early today and exercised. Even made my favourite

local delicacy - lepat pisang.

As I was walking towards the communal trash site, I noticed a man in his fifties walking away uncomfortably.
He walked towards his car.
An elderly Toyota.
It would still look reasonable had he taken care of its exterior.
The car was packed with folded carton boxes.

I threw my rubbish and turned around.
As I walked away, I noticed the same man walking back towards to site.
I realised he was avoiding me.

Sir, you don't have to be embarrassed.
You possess dignified courage to do what you do.
I'm sorry if the society had treated you to feel otherwise.

I just hung up my telecommunication provider assistance helpline.
The helpline operator sounded old, a retiree who chose to return to the workforce perhaps?
Very patient.
Or subdued to the inevitable in his work?
Why I say so?
Coz there's no joy in his voice, nor any hint of agitation.
Resigned to life?
Numb?

I'm not sure if his current state is 'matured' or 'blistered'.
Oddly, I sense something worthy of envy from it.

The sight of visitors coming into the neighbourhood compound now brings me joy beyond reason.
Especially deliveries.
Even when they're not mine.
Sigh.
MCO.
Movement Control Order.

We choose where our attention is - taken from Other Perspectives

Photograph of Lee Kuan Yew’s study, taken by Shengwu on the day of his grandfather’s funeral.

The carpet hung over my father’s desk for decades and was of sentimental value to him.- Lee Hsien Yang

Taken from Humans of Bombay

..I started seeing a Navy officer. He loved how bold I was, but when he proposed to me, he wanted me to leave my job. But I got the opportunity to direct my first T- series video -- I couldn’t let go of that, so we broke up.
I went into depression, but I’d left him to grow my career, so I wanted it to be worth it. I yanked myself out and decided to move to Mumbai and start my Ad agency in 2012.
I grew it from nothing to an agency with 2+ crore turnover within a couple of years!

I live alone now in my dream house! I wouldn’t have been here had I let my experiences weigh me down -- but I just want the beautiful women around me to understand that life is more than men. Before anything else, we must give the love, loyalty and respect that we so often crave in others… to ourselves.

After all, the relationship you’ve been in the longest is with yourself

… so why not make that the best one?”