...in my Broken Pieces of Clarity....

I have mental illness. Mind clarity is rare, too briefly and often too late. Old friends and acquaintances would look away when they see me. Yup, that unpopular. Of course, I get angry and hurt but deep down, I know I’d do the same too, if I saw 'me'. That’s the icy cold papercut truth. The illness cuts even deeper. I thank you for your readership. Your presence here makes me feel less alone. This blog helps me remember my true worth as a person, and how my own mind threatens it.

Friday, April 04, 2014

Posted by cendolic at Friday, April 04, 2014
Labels: Mental illness/Disability

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What is poison?
Anything beyond what we need is poison. It can be power, food, ego, ambition, vanity, fear, anger, even rest
"My mental disorder has destroyed me. I don't even recognise what consists my true self anymore. For me, sanity is always slipping away. And the irony is, I'm most lucid when I am able to feel the most pain. This reality continually crushes me to the core. And it is when I'm at my best, that I bear the consequences and shame of my worst. "
There are some posts here which were written back when I was manic. Being manic is like Bruce Banner being Hulk. Rereading them still gives me the jitters.. If you read carefully, you can detect the different personalities in my posts.
After years of abuse, of being ill, the meds, and ECT; I'm slowly picking up the pieces of me that still somewhat survived.

Clarity is a rare luxury in my life. My very own mind betrays me.
It sends me self-destructive information,causing me to be lost in the ruins of my actions.
I have more appointments with the psychiatrists than with friends.
This blog helps me remember who I am and the dangers that lurk inside of me.
I thank you for your readership.Your presence here makes me feel less alone.
I now live my life imitating the words of Tom Hanks in Castaway-
“I know what I have to do.I have to keep breathing.
And tomorrow the sun will rise, who knows what the tide will bring in.”

WRITE !

"When you write, you'd find your own voice and everything else will fall into place.
It will help you. Not just to relieve the pain, but you will discover greater things.
You NEED this.
By then, all the other distractions would only seem trivial."

"When you feel bad, watch a movie. Read a book. Don't feel bad about feeling bad."
-----------LiJyin
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