I told my sis these things last night.

I need to remember them, so I'm typing them here.

My sis was leaving soon and she was feeling quite down.

She refused to talk about it.

"Jie,

I'm not suicidal and this may seem weird but I have these important things to tell you. 

So, don't say anything until I'm done k?"

She nodded.

"I know there was a dark period of time where things got really bad between us, but if I were to die right now, my mind will definitely only recall all the good memories that we shared. What I'm trying to say here is, the good definitely outweigh the bad. And I have a LOT, a LOT of good memories with you. 

"Second, there was never sibling rivalry between us. I was never jealous of you.

I have always, ALWAYS accepted that you are better than me. And that's why I always look up to you.

I've always admired you.

 This whole rubbish about me being spiteful of you was concocted by our parents. They made things worse between us."

My sis nodded.

"Lastly, *this part I was tearing up* ... I wish I'm stronger for you. I wish... I'm better...so that I can help you. But I'm not... and I'm sorry."

Both of us had tears in our eyes.

And I think, for that moment, finally, we understood each other.