Attachment is such a funny feeling.
The monkeys have always been such a nuisance and threat in my neighbourhood.
They'd come around the roof and mess up the antennas, steal our food, ruin just about anything they can get their hands on.
They even throw things at you, hiss at you, threaten to attack you in packs.. etc..

This weekend, the tractors came and cleared the land opposite my home.
I have not seen a single monkey since.

There's an empty feeling.
Somehow it doesn't feel right.
After all, before we came, it was their home first.

*******************************
Below is part of my ex classmate's FB post.

To me, this *Tracy Chapman -The Promise- remains one of the most profound songs ever and I think it fitting for my last few posts of 2013. Do excuse the emo rant as I perform diary inception. " "...
Turning back on the pages of this diary brings a sense of tingling to me.
At first glance the only thing I see is how my handwriting has deteriorated but on a second look, I see how far I've come. How I wish to reach for the stars. Man can never be content. How I fear change... fear of leaving the friends I have made during SAM, fear of not being able to adapt, fear of not being able to know where to go and do what I like.
These are all of immense pressure.
 Perhaps I have already lost them. Perhaps I have already remained too stagnant to change. Perhaps I have already made all the wrong choices.

 Ah, the final days of the year worn thin are most certainly filled with regrets, maybe-s and what if-s. That is why resolutions are created. So that when one ushers in the New Year, there is renewed hope.

 So often, we found ourselves making the same resolutions year after year and perhaps adding more to the insurmountable collection of hopes and dreams.
 Laughable. But I am only laughing at myself. Perhaps the stars are meant to be unreachable in the celestial heavens above mocking foolish mortals down below. How brilliant they are! Dreams and hopes are like stars...divine. ..............................................." Excerpt from the not-so-secret-diaries of James Lim dated 23 December 1999 (12.05am) [31st December 2004]

 That was me five years ago. Funny, but I find that I haven't changed much. Certainly I may choose to word it a little differently, perhaps with a tinge of cynicism & less naivety but my sentiments are still the same. In fact I find that my impetuous ideals have become more relevant then ever.
 They say that change is the only constant in life. I would have to say it's mostly true. As the world revolves, and as people go about with what it is they have to do, one occasionally pauses. A moment to take a step back from it all. Some quiet time for ourselves to reflect on words & actions that have transpired over the days, weeks, months, and years. Of what has happened, what might have been & what might be.

 I would certainly like to claim that I have matured tremendously over the past 5 years but this ,sadly, is not the case. No epiphany for me. No revelation on life. Nor any all-encompassing philosophy for it. This sense of lacking is very much real and can be depressing. And yet, between times of extremes & times of extreme monotony, I am transiently hopeful.
 A lifetime worth of memories.....like an ever-changing resume. Something that evolves constantly. As the years go by, a resume retains its general breadth. Its contents do not increase linearly with time. Things which were once deemed imperative are reduced to a single bullet point, or perhaps taken out altogether. The string of As for a National Exam, the part-time job during term break, the first committee office of a club ever held or that prize-winning moment is deemed negligible. Not worth a mention to your prospective employers.
 And that is quite sad, really. Life-defining moments, reduced to quaint memories of yesteryear. A select few continue to linger, clinging on hard to what is you. What is me. But a lot of it is hidden between the lines. Whiten out so that a whole life may be summarised into 2 pages of well-arranged text & plenty of blank spaces, because that's what is expected of us. A lot of it is lost along the way, some deliberately and some not. Moments of joy, pain, solace, facts, names, dates, figures, faces. No longer there for us to call upon. No longer the same as it was when times were better; the people more caring, the air a little cleaner, the friends more sincere, the problems less daunting. It only seemed like yesterday. And yet yesterday has already slipped away all too fast.

 This scares me.
 Not knowing. This constant change. Losing my past. Feeling cheated of my future. How many principles have I compromised to get here? How many dreams have I given up on to be where I am? How far have I strayed to be who I am today? This ever-changing life. Continuously evolving, mutating. Into something that I can never really have total control over. It is relentless.

 Sometimes change smothers me. And all I can but do is to let out a heavy sigh in its vice-like embrace. Maybe, tomorrow will be better..... "

 [Present day] As Jobs once said, we can only trust that the dots will somehow connect for us in the future. For me, the year 2013 has been one of great gains as well as losses on many levels. For instance, it was the year I finally commenced my MBA full time as well as the year I lost two of my dogs, Tulli and Goochie. As it draws to a close, so does my sabbatical. 2013 has brought with it a whole gamut of experiences that I could never ever have fathomed, be it 14 years ago or the years in between.

 As the years fly by, I notice that I record my thoughts/feelings less and less to the point of not bothering to record at all. More than that, youthful optimism has been buried under a mountain of painful life lessons and skepticism. But it is still there. And I am pleased to report that I have adopted certain philosophies to guide me on this journey we call life while being struck by an epiphany or two along the way. There are many things I still wish to work on but on the whole, I am happy and content with who I am, where I am and the company that I keep. It feels as though this is where I need to be in order to grow and move on. Borrowing from Thoreau, may each of us awaken from a life of quiet desperation towards a life less ordinary. With that, I wish you and yours a fantastic 2014!
******************************James