I was surprised when the TCM physician explained to me that he has only given me herbal relaxation ingredient in my Chinese medicinal herbs twice, once in April and another in May. The other medicinal herbs that were prescribed was for other physical illness.
I looked at him dumbfounded.
"Do you want me to prescribe those? I can if you do."
I pondered momentarily.
"Er, no."
Then what helped my mood for the past 3 months?
What was I doing right?
I rested my head on the wall while waiting for my chiropractic treatment.
I looked as if I had been handed bad news.
Seeing this TCM physician is one of the 2 news things I've done in the past 3 months.
If the reason of my recent better days are because of his herbs, it would be much easier.
If it's the other reason, it's not.
I have stopped contacting my family.
No phone calls, nothing.

I am reminded of what I had written back in June last year.

Family.
It makes up a big part of our identity.
It represents who we are.
But family isn't family anymore -
when situations always get out of hand;
when toxic feelings overwhelm simple logic;
when words are never kind but only to hurt;
when even the company of a stranger is more welcoming;
when survival instincts is to disassociate oneself from them.

Disassociation from such suffocation is as significant as air.
It is for survival.
It is not heartless.