When I stare at myself in the mirror at the gym, I ask myself,
"Who would have guessed this young lady struggles with dark thoughts and anxiety?"

At gym, I'm this bubbly energetic friendly lady. 

I'm not faking it. I'm just 'fighting' the negative feeling that is killing me inside, it's the only defense I have.

It's a coping mechanism - to make my life less miserable. 

I've been making effort to smile more and introducing myself to the regulars at gym.
**counting with fingers, I have 6 names.

I'm just trying to live.
That's all.

Btw, I think I might have a crush on a certain instructor there.
Hmm... I wonder if this might be hazardous for my already messed up mind.
What if I imagine things?
Oh no... maybe I've already started to...