MY STRUGGLES WITH DEPRESSION
 REAL-LIFE STORY. By Maxy Chan - A Student Living with Depression ;

MMHA BULLETIN NOV 2017 · 4

I was diagnosed with depression in early 2016. Three months before the diagnosis, I experienced severe chest pain, frequent migraine, I couldn’t feel whether I am full or hungry. I couldn’t sleep almost after 3am every day. There were too many thoughts running in my head. I need to shout in order to release the uncomfortable feelings that have been trapped in my body. I was shocked to notice I cried almost three times every day, during my classes in campus. I don’t know why I was sad.

I requested my parents to bring me to mental health professionals. My father refused at the first time, worrying that I may leave a bad record in my future career. When my symptoms were getting serious, I started receiving sessions from clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, and psychiatrist. With psychiatrist’s letter, I took deferment of two semesters to rest at home.
I was prescribed Olenza, Xanax, Zoloft, Prazovex, and Prozac. My parents brought me to the park every evening, to get near to nature, and encouraged me to exercise. I gained 7-8kgs in the next few months. Depression can also cause obvious weight gain or weight loss.

Simultaneously, I started developed symptoms of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I kept washing hands, I needed to make more than 15 pumps of hand soap every time I wash my hands. I also wanted to repeat every word I said to family. I kept repeating the route that I just walked because I think I didn’t do it well. Suicidal thoughts came every often. I made a few attempts without success. It was totally heart-breaking, overwhelming and devastating. I needed to lay down at least half an hour to let my thoughts run, so that I can feel at ease to proceed my daily routines. because the cause of a depression can contain factors from biology, psychology, and social categories.

However, throughout my counselling sessions, I realized I have been suppressing my emotions for more than 6 years since I was a teenager. I never share my secrets to friends or family. I didn’t allow myself to feel anger, sad, and many other negative emotions because I think it is not polite to be angry. I also didn’t want to express myself when I feel happy, because I was worried there is someone around me who may be going through an unfortunate event at the same time. I have developed a habit to conceal my emotions through the years.
Today, I am still taking Prozac under the advice of psychiatrist. In 2017, I tried to make changes in my life to actively join university clubs and events. I experienced seeing a movie in cinema unaccompanied. I went to a picnic with friends. I organized my first solo piano recital.

I went to a pub with siblings. I participated in short marathons to motivate myself to exercise. I participated in a local “Go Bald” event to raise awareness in childhood cancer. I organized a fundraising recital to collect donations for UNICEF Malaysia. Recently, I just had my first ice skating experience.
I don’t think I have fully recovered from my mental illness.
 But I think that embracing the condition I am facing, and be more open in mind is already part of the recovery journey. I am now pursuing my bachelor’s degree in music at a local tertiary education institution.

By Maxy Chan

I was on the escalator going up.
I saw a familiar face. He was also on the escalator, going down.
Our eyes locked.
We had the same reaction.
Both of us smiled at each other.
But I can't pint point where I know him.
"Hei, mana kerja sekarang?"
"Hey, where are you working now?"
He named my old workplace.
Ahh...
We just waved at each other as we alight the escalator, from opposite directions.

What a pleasant 5 seconds.

"Swing Kids" - great movie.
What is the use of ideologies if it damages more than its goodness it preaches?

Taken from South China Morning Post

A Hong Kong teacher was driven to suicide partly by a school principal’s management style and poor working environment, an independent inquiry has found.

The tragic death of Lam Lai-tong shocked the city in March, and the panel set up to investigate the circumstances surrounding it laid much of the blame squarely at the feet of Law Yuen-yee, the principal of the TWGHs Leo Tung-Hai Lee Primary School in Tin Shui Wai.

Law was sacked on Thursday after the inquiry described her management style as “unideal”, and outlined her lack of respect for staff and a failure to fully consult them about new policies.

Lam, a Chinese-language teacher and librarian, fell to her death at the school, and family members had said earlier that the 48-year-old, who had worked there for more than 20 years, had been under pressure and made to work while unwell shortly before she died.

I gain a lot of wisdom following this family #adamsautismfamily on Facebook.

Don’t blame yourself your child has Autism. It’s not your fault.
Don’t blame your child for having Autism. He/she did not ask for it.
Having Autism was never a choice. How we live with Autism is.
It’s ok to feel sad, lost, worried, even angry every now and then. You are only human.
Frustration and exhaustion will break you down. There are days you feel like giving up and ask “why me”.
But in time, trust yourself to grow, relearn, and when you wholeheartedly embrace the extraordinary, you will find the greatest love of all. 

by Iman Wan 

Taken entirely from the Logical Indian, by Raashi Takran.
It was around 8:45 pm when the bell rang. I was in my room. I could vaguely hear my dad as he rushed out of the house. Confused, I called him. After a few seconds, he picked up and I realized that he was sobbing. I’d never seen my dad cry. And then, he said something that will haunt me forever – “Raghav is gone.”

My little brother was only 18.

My brother, Raghav was the kind of person who knew when to slow down in life and live – truly live a moment, not just with his eyes but his soul. Be it a sunset, the night sky, a butterfly or a rainbow, he would give due credit to these little things we often take for granted. I don’t know, maybe he somehow knew his days here were numbered so he wanted to take in every detail, embrace it.

He was a nature enthusiast, people who knew him would agree. Often, I would find him out in the balcony looking up at the sky. “Sunsets give me hope” he used to say. “why?” I’d ask, a little confused.

“Because they are a testament that nothing truly lasts, be it good days or bad. So if you’ve had a bad day, the sun shall take it away as it sets and it’ll rise again tomorrow, giving you a fresh chance at life and I think there’s hope in that.” His words have stayed with me.

My brother passed away on 6th January, 2019. We lost him to suicide. He was only 18 and in a matter of seconds, he was gone. Just like that. Till today we don’t know what happened and what led to the situation that pushed him to take such an extreme step. In his last days, he seemed a little restless and depressed and never let it show. He never said to us about it, how would we know?

He’s taught me this-

Life will get too much for you sometimes, you will have days that are truly crappy. There will be at least two bad days for a good one because that’s life. It’s not a bed of roses but it’ll get better. Whatever you’re dealing with, it’s real. You’re not crazy, you’re not overreacting, you’re not paranoid and most importantly, you’re not alone! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You just have to reach out.

Wow.

The director of this film  A BAREFOOT DREAM said, "what I wanted to convey was hope, and to see children nourishing their dreams and trying their best to obtain that dream was important.  Especially for the jaded forty-something, middle aged group – people like me!

– I wanted to give them something hopeful.  My friends around me, my generation, they appear to me to have lost all hope and I made this for them."

唯一的出路，是一步一步慢慢走。心里默默地相信，这一切将会过去，纵然目前看来几乎不太可能。没关系的，至少我努力地活着
Wéiyī de chūlù, shì yībù yībù màn man zǒu. Xīnlǐ mòmò de xiāngxìn, zhè yīqiè jiāng huì guòqù, zòngrán mùqián kàn lái jīhū bù tài kěnéng.Méiguānxì de, zhìshǎo wǒ nǔlì de huózhe.

 The only solution is to take one step at a time, and to faithfully believe that this too will pass, even though it seems impossible at present. It's ok. At least I'm still striving to live.
 quote from puttingham.blogspot.com.

Nice.

"We All Lie"

(from "SKY Castle" soundtrack)

We all lie

Tell you the truth

Sometimes we laugh and easily lie

Alright, it's a... it's faker

Shout it out

What you want for the world

Money, honor, beauty

Everything you want

Play with a mask to hide the truth

People cheat each other, right?

Is this really true?

Taken entirely from www.eonline.com/

Korean actress Jeon Mi-sun was found dead in a hotel room on 29 June by police officers in a suspected suicide. She was 48 years old.

News outlets reported that police officers found the actress in Jeonju, North Jeolla province, which is 240km south of Seoul. Her body was found after her manager called the police to report that the actress had gone missing.

The North Jeolla fire department apparently found the actress' body in the bathroom of the hotel. No suicide note was found on the premises.

Her agency made the following statement on 29 June:

"Actress Jeon Mi Sun has passed away at the age of 50 (by Korean reckoning). She has been receiving treatment for depression. However, we are here with sad news today. We ask for your condolences, and we ask the media to refrain from reporting on unconfirmed rumours and speculations out of respect for her family, who are in shock and grief-stricken. We will share more information once plans for her funeral parlour are set."

Jeon made her television debut in 1990 and was a beloved figure on many South Korean television shows. Her most recent work includes He Is Psychometric, Love In The Moonlight and The Moon Embracing The Sun.

Her last film The King's Letters will premiere in July.

Taken from https://www.facebook.com/upliftconnect
"Piglet?" said Pooh.

"Yes Pooh?" said Piglet.

"Do you ever have days when everything feels... Not Very Okay At All? And sometimes you don't even know why you feel Not Very Okay At All, you just know that you do."

Piglet nodded his head sagely. "Oh yes," said Piglet. "I definitely have those days."

"Really?" said Pooh in surprise. "I would never have thought that. You always seem so happy and like you have got everything in life all sorted out."

"Ah," said Piglet. "Well here's the thing. There are two things that you need to know, Pooh. The first thing is that even those pigs, and bears, and people, who seem to have got everything in life all sorted out... they probably haven't. Actually, everyone has days when they feel Not Very Okay At All. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.

"And the second thing you need to know... is that it's okay to feel Not Very Okay At All. It can be quite normal, in fact. And all you need to do, on those days when you feel Not Very Okay At All, is come and find me, and tell me. Don't ever feel like you have to hide the fact you're feeling Not Very Okay At All. Always come and tell me. Because I will always be there."

By Karren Brady
Noa Pothoven, a 17-year-old girl so overwhelmed by despair and depression, chose to end her life by refusing food and drinkCredit: Central European News
But perhaps the most shocking part of the story is that, in fact, she died at her parents’ home after they agreed to not force her to eat.

But really, whether she died in a clinic by euthanasia, assisted suicide, or at home by her own hand, what’s the difference? This young woman was so full of despair she decided there was nothing left to live for.

And her parents agreed. She had been trying to die for a long time. Euthanasia and assisted suicide are legal in the Netherlands.
Noa asked the Levenseinde end-of-life clinic in The Hague two years ago if she could be considered for euthanasia or assisted suicide but they — rightly — refused.
She told De Gelderlander newspaper in December: “They consider that I am too young to die. They think I should finish my trauma treatment and that my brain must first be fully grown.

That lasts until your 21st birthday. It’s broken me, because I can’t wait that long.” No one, surely, could read those words without agreeing that yes, she was too young to die. Right?
Most of us have enough life experience to know that, no matter how bad things are, or seem to be, dark clouds can hang around — but they do shift.

Things change. Hopelessness gives way to hope. And dark often eventually becomes light. But Noa didn’t believe it.
There is no doubt at all that her young life had been incredibly difficult. She’d had extensive treatment for depression and anorexia, and had tried to kill herself several times.

She had been sexually assaulted at the age of 11 and raped at 14. She was so traumatised she didn’t want to live any more and, after repeated hospital stays, decided to stop treatment earlier this year.

In what she referred to as a “sorrowful last post” on Instagram, Noa said she had “stopped eating and drinking for a while now, and after many discussions and evaluations, it has been decided to let me go, because my suffering is unbearable”.
A hospital bed was set up in her parents’ home and last week she refused all food and fluids after her parents and doctors reportedly agreed not to force-feed her.

It is pretty much impossible for most of us to understand quite how desperate, resigned, despairing this woman’s parents must have been to have facilitated their daughter’s voluntary death.

They must all have felt sure that there was no alternative. But it’s also hard to resist the urge to challenge that notion.
There are so many examples of people — from Maya Angelou to Malala Yousafzai to JK Rowling — who have overcome adversity to make a huge success of their lives.

Without diminishing Noa’s suffering, I do know there were things that felt to me like a crisis at 17 that I barely now recall
I know many people who have overcome very difficult, challenging and dark times as teenagers who have gone on to create fulfilling and happy relationships and live rewarding and successful lives.

I think it’s fair to say that, as a teenager, it’s impossible to imagine the future. It’s all too easy to be so mired in the difficulties of the present that you feel you will be stuck there for ever.

Without in any way diminishing Noa’s suffering, I do know there were things that felt to me like a crisis at 17 that I barely now recall.

I would take the view that it’s possible to get over even the most difficult challenges — even if it involves temporary defeat, sometimes total failure, it is how you react that sets your path.

The big question that this story raises is, should we be allowed to choose to die? Ultimately, I think the answer to that is yes, we should. But does anyone know enough about living at the age of 17 to choose to die? I don’t think so.

by Karren Brady

I came across two similar Facebook inspirational sharing.
A fame social activist put this in her page,

"I had to tell a 71 year old man he couldn’t work for us anymore.
We tried but it was too tough to justify him staying on. He wrote me this beautiful letter, which he emailed to me this morning. Who writes like this anymore? Very rarely.
I’m sad but determined to find him something else to do"

This part of his letter humbled me,

...Lastly, as have been mentioned earlier, I would be most grateful if you could kindly assist me to find another job such that with whatever meagre income that can be earned, will help keep my body and soul together.

2nd Story

A man who has been living on the streets for nine years has been found a home and job after a teenager spotted his note posted next to a bus stop.

Charlotte Howard, 16, saw the note on the Hastings bus stop and decided to post an appeal on social media.
She has so far raised £1,000 and found a caravan for Mr Johnson, who has also been offered a job as a handyman.

Mr Johnson's note read: "I will do a trial for free to show how I work. I don't take drugs or drink.
"I will also do dog walking/minding, window cleaning, shopping, gardening, car valeting/washing, housework, cooking..

"Anything to earn a living and make life seem worth living."

After seeing Charlotte's appeal Nelson Smith offered Mr Johnson a job and the pair are now working to set up a handyman business.

Taken from BBC News

I've just watched HBO Red Channel's 'My husband has got depression'.

A Japanese film that depicts the mental illness very well.

Worth rewatching.

Her childish email reinforced my perception of her personality.

Her email resembled an ex-communicated friend who was a delusional schizophrenic.
I couldn't and shouldn't feed into her content anymore.

At first I thought a reply wasn't necessary but I don't want you to misunderstand my unresponsiveness.
For old time sake,  I shouldn't mind to take the time to assure you that all is good.
We are grown ups.

🙂 It's time to let go and move on.
Bye Mn

How could I have ignored the signs for so long?
Why was I hesitant to take a stance for so long?
I have bottled them up far too long.

Been watching Netflix again,

"Live"

Their theme song "Carry Me" feels very close in proximity.

When you know it's not okay

and you know you're not to blame

Look inside your mind and try to find

this heart of mine

And you know it's just a dream

one you wished you'd never seen

Open up your eyes, it's still dark outside

Alone again tonight

You got the smile I wanna see

You got the heart to carry me

You got the smile I wanna see

You got the heart to carry me

And you try but it's too much

And hurting yourself is not enough

Think of everyone who has it worse than you

There is no curse on you

Think of everyone who has it worse than you

There is no curse on you

Won't you realize it's not that bad

And a chance to love is all you ever have

Tell him…

In After Life, Anne advised Tony,

"You are a good person. So, naturally, the things that you do are good.

You make the world a better place by just living."

On Children, the mother said, "Love yourself. There is always a way."

10 Habits of Highly Successful People With Bipolar Disorder

Taken from BpHope
#1 They’ve created their own treatment plan
Through trial and error, these folks have created a personalized treatment plan that works for them. For one person, focusing on therapy for the mind may work, while someone else is better treated with certain medication. All treatment—pharmacological, therapy and lifestyle—needs to be designed specifically for you.

#2 They rally a supportive team
First off, they are not afraid to ask for help and understand they need the assistance of others when they can’t help themselves. They know that support comes in many forms; perhaps they’ll join a support group, either online or in person. Successful people living with bipolar also nurture their support team—staying in contact, communicating and expressing deep appreciation for their help.

#3 They practice mindfulness
A meditation practice improves your ability to manage work, organize tasks and focus in stressful situations. Over the past decade, mindfulness meditation has been shown to improve a whole host of health and disease outcomes; new studies demonstrate what’s happening to the brain in order to produce these beneficial health effects. It shows that meditation reduces Interleukin-6, an inflammatory health biomarker, in high-stress adults.

#4 They know their triggers and have a plan
As with mania, knowing what stressors leave you vulnerable to depression can help prevent recurrences. Work-related stress, sleep disturbances and traumatic life events can all be triggers and having a plan to help prevent minor symptoms from turning into a full-blown episode is vital. Successful individuals have put together a comprehensive plan, usually with the help of their spouse and/or family. They understand how to recognize the beginnings of either depression or mania and what they will do in such cases.

#5 They have a healthy diet and exercise regularly
Whether they find it challenging or not, they know that having a healthy lifestyle—eating well and moving more—is a crucial complement to a treatment plan of medication to maintain mood stability. Studies now prove that people with bipolar disorder are more likely to have certain vitamin and mineral deficiencies, making a nutrient-dense diet all the more important.

#6 They have good sleep habits
For people living with bipolar, sleep is found to be a significant cause of stress. We know that sleep problems don’t just affect mood, they can also be the cause. People who are successful with their bipolar treatment plans know to keep a steady rhythm throughout their day…going to bed and rising the same time each day and following the same bedtime routine.

#7 They stick to a schedule/routine
The schedule itself is personalized to each individual but the point is they stick to their set routines—especially for the important aspects like their medication protocol, exercise, diet and sleep. They know that by doing something regularly, like brushing one’s teeth, it soon becomes second nature and doesn’t take willpower to stick to.

#8 They pay attention to their thoughts
They are aware of the loop that links bipolar depression, anxiety and negative thinking and work hard at breaking free of this; they learn to shift out of negative modes such as catastrophic escalation and pessimism and destructive self-talk and instead choose a more positive and practical outlook to almost every situation.

#9 They are grateful
They understand that gratitude has a strong association with well-being and that practicing this state of being has a positive influence on their mood, relationships, outlook, and overall happiness—all of which can protect against anxiety and depression. Some people have found it helpful to keep a daily journal and write what they are grateful for every day.

#10 They keep a journal
Whether it’s charting their moods, diets, exercise or even what they’re grateful for, the simple act of writing it down somewhere (or typing for that matter) does something to further instill the subject matter to memory. Besides its validating and therapeutic benefits, writing one’s thoughts down in a journal can be meditative as it forces one to think only of certain thoughts and not about everything at once.