I went out to buy shampoo.

In the grocery mart, I spotted a man squatting in an aisle, scrutinising a packet a flour.

Instincts tell me he's troubled.

As I browsed the shampoo aisle, I thought,

"I'm so lucky to be able to buy a shampoo at whim"

I went to a clothes-swapping event,

As I browsed at a majority of the clothes which I can't wear, I thought,

"They are so pretty," without any hint of envy but rather pure admiration for the artistic beauty in those clothes.

When I was watching NHK's Great Race. A couple who lost their only child to eating disorder, was in the race. Running the race helps them in dealing with the pain. "I can feel my daughter's presence," she said. I cried when a group of young local girls encouraged her during the race.

 I felt inspired and thought,

"It's time I start exercising. Not many how little or slow," and I did.

I watched Maru-Chan's Cafe, and felt humbled and in awe in the proprietor of the cafe.

Maru-Chan lost her daughter in a traffic accident. Now, she transfer the intensity of the hurt she's carrying into her work in making her cafe a community refuge for all ages.

Anybody can have a proper meal in her cafe in exchange for simple chores.

This exchange creates a strong sense of belonging among her patrons.

I experienced all the above positive feelings and yet,

I still would welcome death with open arms.

Passive suicidal, they call it.