Have been really depressed for days.
Stayed on the bed till 3pm, getting up only for water and toilet.
Wishing for death.
I reread my blog posts.
I've been fighting this for so long.
I haven't earned my points for the finishing line yet?

As I was walking towards the communal trash site, I noticed a man in his fifties walking away uncomfortably.
He walked towards his car.
An elderly Toyota.
It would still look reasonable had he taken care of its exterior.
The car was packed with folded carton boxes.

I threw my rubbish and turned around.
As I walked away, I noticed the same man walking back towards to site.
I realised he was avoiding me.

Sir, you don't have to be embarrassed.
You possess dignified courage to do what you do.
I'm sorry if the society had treated you to feel otherwise.

They distorted my reality.
The very people who were supposed to help interpret the world to me.
To protect me.
To love me.

They distorted my logic.
That's why I could never make an outsider understand the things they did to me.
It is illogical.
It's easier to understand that the fault is with me.
They made up lies so convincing that even I couldn't believe my own truth.

They distorted my truth.
It was a Youtube explanation of the toxicity narcissistic personality that had finally set me free.
I was the victim of such evil.
It felt like I finally have a witness in court to testify on my side.
That I wasn't crazy.
That Crazy was put unto me.

A Youtuber's explanation has set me free.

But I'm very wounded.
The wounds are deep.
Never mind the scars.
The dark memories creep up to me so easily that I have to switch on Tv Dramas every night to lullaby me to sleep.
Without the Tv Drama conversations, my mind would drift easily to the dark memories.

They distorted my reality.
They took away my logic.
After 38 years, I'm finally learning to believe my own truth.

And that it wasn't my fault.