Earlier this afternoon, I thought I'd do something nice for my father, after learning that he hasn't had his lunch. (we don't live together)
I ordered food delivery service for him.
His favourite - Bak Kut Teh.

Later, I called him again to check the order, "Was it as advertised?"
He said all is fine.
But he asked me about the relief money that the government is giving out.
Turns out, my mother had accused me of taking the "Household"s money. (they live together)

This accusation is so insane that I don't even know how to explain it here.
I'll try.
Like the rest of the world affected by CoVid, the country's government is helping its citizens by offering monetary funds.
Citizens can apply for these funds by households - meaning the main income earner is entitled to some money.

Yup, this is the money my mother is accusing me of.

Again, this accusation is so INSANE that I already feel sucked into my mother's delusional bitterness even trying to explain that it is absolutely NOT plausible for me to apply for the "household''.

I hung up the phone hours ago.
I have long known that my mother is one crazy, narcissistic woman who isn't even capable of loving her own children.
So, why am I still being affected?

I guess it stirred up all the traumatic memories of her abuse towards me all these years.
And how my father and siblings enabled her.
How they gaslighted and manipulated and made me a convenient scapegoat for all their miseries.
All that abuse that resulted in my several breakdowns.
Oh God, the amount of therapy I need to reorganise my life.

My father wasn't always good to me, but I still want to be kind to him especially now that he's vulnerable.
Just one kind thought.
I had a terrible afternoon, because of ONE kind thought.
One kind thought to have my father's favourite lunch delivered to him, knowing that nobody else in the house would bother with him.
I give food to strangers all the time, why not to my own father?

Inhale.
Exhale.
It really doesn't pay to be kind sometimes.

Screw this shit.
I'm going out to buy a VERY NICE meal for MYSELF.
I Godammn deserve it.
******* update
I called home on 21st May to remind Father of his appointment the next day.
Same shit happened again.
Mother insisted I return the money she had imagined.
Brother fed her some lies.
I told him I've had enough of this shit.
I'm done being the scapegoat.
Screw all you.