Pain.
There is heaviness in my heart.
Left side of my upper body.
I'm sure there's a scientific explanation to it.
But all I know is, I'm in pain.
I have been in pain for a long time.

Pain has been my most consistent reminder of how unhappy I am.
I know that...
I'm not alone.
I'm better than this.
...things can get better.
...this will pass.
... this will return.
... again, it too will pass.

I have been in war with this for 20 years.
I have never experienced the period of my supposedly best years of my life.
My entire story of youth is about depression, anxiety, and instability.

What's next?