Ok Teasips, it is important that you remember this.
There are times where you can't listen to yourself.
There are times where your mind is lying to you.
Remember how your mind had betrayed you over and again?
The battle isn't over.
Your mind is still actively working against you.
The mornings are the hardest aren't they?
Your heart is pumping.
Your soul feels frozen.
"You can't do this. You have to stay in bed."
"People hate you."
"You are not well. You are not like other normal people."
But get up anyway.
By mid day, you will be certain that you've made the right choice.
By night, you'd feel proud that you've completed the day. As you lay your head to sleep, you'd inevitably feel guilt-free.
And in the morning, when it comes,
just repeat.
I have mental illness. Mind clarity is rare, too briefly and often too late. Old friends and acquaintances would look away when they see me. Yup, that unpopular. Of course, I get angry and hurt but deep down, I know I’d do the same too, if I saw 'me'. That’s the icy cold papercut truth. The illness cuts even deeper. I thank you for your readership. Your presence here makes me feel less alone. This blog helps me remember my true worth as a person, and how my own mind threatens it.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
Tuesday, January 06, 2015
I had the most shocking news.
I found out that an ex-classmate was admitted to the psych ward for instability due to drug abuse.
I'm not sure how badly his mental state was affected.
I immediately recalled the time in year 1999 where we went in a group of 6 to an inter-school camp organised by a local university.
It was the most memorable academic activity in my log.
I wonder, what happened?
What had pushed him to such desperation?
Funny, that my last memory of him, was something so innocently joyous.
We were at that stage of life where we had believed anything was possible.
Funny, we only thought of the possible good.
Never the bad.
I found out that an ex-classmate was admitted to the psych ward for instability due to drug abuse.
I'm not sure how badly his mental state was affected.
I immediately recalled the time in year 1999 where we went in a group of 6 to an inter-school camp organised by a local university.
It was the most memorable academic activity in my log.
I wonder, what happened?
What had pushed him to such desperation?
Funny, that my last memory of him, was something so innocently joyous.
We were at that stage of life where we had believed anything was possible.
Funny, we only thought of the possible good.
Never the bad.
Labels:
Friends,
Mental illness/Disability,
Narration,
Reverie
Monday, January 05, 2015
I'm grateful..
- My colleague took me to a Chinese sinseh.
- Had a good dinner ( my favourite butter chicken+broccoli) with my housemate watching Perfect Match.
- Housemate came back from vacation bearing gifts.
- Colleague offered a ride home.
- Will be going to my first Singapore trip soon. An official work outing.
- Finally went to the gym nearby. Very different to what I'm used to, but I'll settle.
- My health does seem to be improving.
- Housemate recommended a good apps that can download songs on phone.
- Made my own broccoli fried rice for dinner - with leftover items. -very satisfying experience indeed ***smug smug
- My neighbour offered me some kueh kapits
- My request for different working hours was approved.
- Finally got to do the house chores which I had been procrastinating.
- Wasn't late for work today.
- Bought a really nice dress for RM23
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