I joined a Christian meeting tonight.
During prayer, I closed my eyes and really concentrated.
Unknowingly, my eyes were teary.
Right after the prayer ended,
the group leader asked me a question, directing the entire group's attention to me.
I had to wipe my eyes.

So so embarrassing...

I really do feel helpless in all aspects of my life.
Everything is out of my control, even my own emotions.
And I hate it ...
I hate it that somehow, I'm responsible...
I hate it that it's my fault...
I hate it that I don't know how to remedy it...
I hate it that I have to remedy it...