This photo was taken with my brother during our family trip to Boracay in 2016. We went paragliding, cliff jumping and sailing together on that trip — some of the more exhilarating things I’ve done. While we have very distinctive personalities, we shared a common thirst for adventure. And I’m grateful to have had my share of adventures alongside him on many other occasions than this.
Shock. Numbness. Guilt. Pain. Loss. One after another, and all at once.
All these feelings, crashing in and out of me since four days ago, when I lost my one and only brother. Some of you may already know what happened, some of you have only found out bits of it. Some I’ve wanted to tell since the start, but either I didn’t have it in me to break the news or I’ve been drained out trying to be there for my parents whilst sorting out the final rites without violating the CMCO SOPs.
Now that I’ve had a bit of time to grieve and process what has happened, it still feels somewhat surreal. Yet, I believe it’s a story that needs to be told – not for the sake of my brother, for I am now assured and comforted that he’s in God’s loving hands – but for the sake of any amongst you or your circle who may be struggling. Hard.
My brother had been stressed out from work in the weeks before his passing. He was a senior analyst for a global company, for context. While the nature of the job is indeed demanding, we are convinced that there was more behind this that triggered his depression. Coupled with the COVID-19 lockdowns, which have constricted the amount of physical and social interactions that most knew him would know he adored, things escalated with his mental health suddenly- unbeknownst to my family.
My brother took his own life on Wednesday morning, 14th Oct 2020, he was 28.
As I felt those waves of emotions collide with the tears and the heartbreak, I grappled with the thought, “How do I even talk about this when people ask?” It’s not an accident, it’s not a physical condition. But here’s the thing, it IS a disease – and one that’s creeping into this generation now more than ever. I’ve always known mental health is important. But I never thought I would experience it so personally – through the death of a dear loved one.
I plead with u today, if you are battling anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts or any other mental illness, please seek professional help. Please tell someone, even if you think they’re busy or don’t care or you don’t want to burden them with your pain. It is NOT your fault. There is no shame in asking for help. If you don’t know where to start, I’m here – feel free to DM or text me.
And for the rest, please look out of your loved ones, even old friends and acquaintances.
So goodbye for now, gor, until I see you again. Much love from your only sister. ❤️
Taken entirely from https://www.facebook.com/nataliekhoo95
