About two weeks ago, after months of self-imposed home imprisonment; I went out.
I went window shopping in a big bookstore.
I heard a man speaking very loudly.
"You know how many people in Malaysia uses a dictionary?"
When the other sentences seemed incoherent, I turned to look for the source of this noise.
It was a tall Asian man in his 40s.
He was talking to himself.
No one was with him.
My heart ached.
Oh no.
Another one.
Another one of us.
He looked quite well physically, handsome even.
If not for his behaviour, and his odd choice of clothes; he'd passed as just another ordinary dude next door.
I dare not look at him.
I was scared.
It could have been me.
It still could...
It really could.
My shame twisted my heart as I stole another glance of him.
Will he be ok?
Will I be ok?
Will we be ok?
I have mental illness. Mind clarity is rare, too briefly and often too late. Old friends and acquaintances would look away when they see me. Yup, that unpopular. Of course, I get angry and hurt but deep down, I know I’d do the same too, if I saw 'me'. That’s the icy cold papercut truth. The illness cuts even deeper. I thank you for your readership. Your presence here makes me feel less alone. This blog helps me remember my true worth as a person, and how my own mind threatens it.
Monday, April 30, 2018
I watched The Avengers : Infinity War
Twice.
It was really good.
I gush each time Ironman transforms.
Each time.
The movie was so good that I'm backtracking to the previously screened Marvel movies, eg, Black Panther, Dr Strange, Winter Soldier etc.
Perhaps I could make movie-watching as personal rewards? Little goals in life, something to look forward to?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)