“I stayed in an abusive relationship for too long because I didn’t think I deserved any better. I finally ended it, but afterward I started second guessing myself. I began to feel lonely and I thought: ‘As bad as it was, at least you weren’t alone.’  big challenge has been learning to be OK with being by myself. One day I may meet someone else, but in the meantime it’s just me, so I’ve got to do what’s best for me.
I decided that if there’s something I want to do, and I can’t find anyone to come with me,
I’m going to do it anyway. Tonight I’m going to see a bagpipe concert at Madison Presbyterian Church.
I’ve even been on several vacations by myself. I went to Miami recently. It’s fun during the day because you can lie on the beach and you’re surrounded by people.
But at night it’s a little tougher because it’s quieter and darker. And without all the noise around you, you sort of realize it’s just you.”
Humans of New York

Written by April via bphope
Dear depressed April,

I know you are in pain. I know this is more than you want to handle right now and I know you’re exhausted. It’s not fair that you have to keep going through these extreme moods. I know your moods often last for months at a time and it can seem like there is no end in sight. Depression is the feeling that you will never experience joy or peace again. It is the feeling of deepest, darkest despair, clawing at your insides to destroy you.

Well I’m here to tell you that nothing, not even depression, lasts forever. I know from a stable viewpoint that your mania will not last forever either. You may or may not like that fact, but it is helpful to remember because it means that the depression will not last either. Keep going. The light at the end of the tunnel is not a train coming to run you over, it’s a train coming to rescue you. I know you don’t believe that right now but believe this: your mind is not working properly and these dark thoughts are not reality. Emotions and feelings are not always reliable and you have to remember who you really are.

You are a woman who loves music, who loves to write, dance, and sing. You love to laugh and make jokes and watch movies and hike in the woods. You even loved running at one point. You love good food and comforting things like candles and cuddling on the couch with your husband and dog. You are intelligent and kind and caring and you love God.

So remember these things, and hold fast to them.
The depression can be strong but you, and ultimately God, are stronger.

Love, the real April

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I have always wanted to buy flowers for myself. Great way to start the day

The results of a test of how my interpretation of some pictures shown indicates my character.

You have a uniquely creative personality!

The main things in life for you are your intuition, wisdom, joy, satisfaction and curiosity. The world for you is full of mystery, and is made up of so many different things, situations and people which are all constantly stimulating your imagination. Your life is painted in a multitude of beautiful colours, and you're always looking at it through the prism of creativity. You can turn anything that happens to you into something positive, and you never look for simple answers to life's questions.

You live your life in constant anticipation of experiencing something new and wonderful. However, at the moment you feel a lot of aggression inside. It's possible that recently you've been experiencing a lot of negative emotions and have the desire to finally resolve something that's been bugging you for a long time. You need to calm down and relax. The time has come to do something new. You have the ability to draw a huge amount of strength from yourself, whilst at the same time remaining a tender and loving person.

There's something therapeutic about watching clothes being washed in the machine or being hung to dry...
It's like washing away our troubles for the day and letting nature or the higher being take care of the rest.

This photo was taken in front of the bookstore- this is a popular place for the homeless to hang their clothes to dry.

There once was a woman who had a pet snake that she loved very much. The snake was about 7 feet long and one day it just stopped eating. After several weeks of trying everything she could to get the snake to eat, the woman took it to the vet.
The woman explained the situation to the vet and he asked her, “Has your snake been sleeping with you at night or snuggling really close and stretching himself out?”
The woman replied, “Yes he’s been doing it everyday and it makes me so sad that I can’t help him feel better.”
The vet says “Ma’am your snake is not sick, he has been preparing to eat you. He’s been sizing you up everyday so he knows how big he has to be, and not eating so he has enough room to digest you.

Moral of the story: You’ve gotta recognise the snakes out there. Just because they seem close to you and sleep in your bed, it doesn’t mean their intentions are good.

************************ wow, what a story...............................

I went swimming yesterday.
I'm still very wobbly but at least I'm moving in the waters.
Suddenly, I recalled the time when I first started testing the waters - literally.

Indeed, I've come far.
I will continue moving forward.