It is very frightening how time just whiz by.

Things have not been well at all.

But I got a lot going on in my head, not knowing if it's good .
I desperately need to change.

"Babe" - Emo Poet, izit?
Meow..
I've got so much to say to you gals.

Hmm... or perhaps I HaVe said too much...

When I looked at my newly photographed passport-size photo,
I had this unpleasant look.
The photographer must have thought I was unhappy with how the photo was taken.
"Er, ok ah?", he asked.
I just nod my head and handed the money.

I couldn't tell him that I simply had forgotten how ugly I looked. =)

I got my braces removed, but I didn't want to wear the retainer because I simply can't afford the whole ordeal.
I am aware of the teeth allignment risk, but given the circumstances, I doubt it's a decision I'd regret.
Anyway,it was a very poor decision on my part to put the braces on 3 years ago.
What a complete waste of time, money and effort.
The funny thing was, the dentist made me sign on my dental reference card that "it's my decision".
Before I left, he reiterate that it's my fault to bear if there were any dispute between him and my parents regarding this decision.
I was like, ???
I'm already 28 !!!
And, it's just teeth...
I just left the dentist's room quietly and chirpily thanked the receptionist, knowing that I don't have to step into that place ever again!

I was very pleased to receive the phone call this morning.
Starting work on 4th of May.
Oh God,let this be a good start.

I heard something on the TVB drama which was very nice.
"In long term, if given the right reflection, even bad things can turn into good things"

Facebook always makes me sad.
And yet, I can't stay away from it.
I see how other people are out living their lives, while I continue to shrink myself in a perennial cocoon of depression.

Lately, I found myself muttering the same phrase,
"I wish I am normal".
I surprised myself, because I had never admitted such state upon myself.

The saddest part?
All three of us are like that.

It does feel weird to write again via blog.
I was chatting with sis,
"It's hard for you to put your thoughts down on paper, huh?"

Her "Er..." was the answer.
I can't expect people around me to communicate like myself.
Lately, I've been writing a lot of paper, some even on letters.
I always wonder how the recipients feel, my sister being one of them, but since she never complained, I supposed it's alright.

I was clearing up some of the papers in my old files, reliving the past few years.
I thought, "wow, this used to be so important to me"

Oh God, I really hope I"m slowly climbing back up on my feet.
It's already two months after Chinese New Year.

When pa and sis came home last week, I felt nonchalant about their presence.
But as the holiday was approaching to the end, I began to feel sentimental.

As a child, I used to cry whenever I leave Penang.
Constantly wishing I could turn back time.
I'm quite ashamed that I still harbour this childish thought.

I wrote a letter to my sis.
Just random thoughts.
I was quite surprised that I could analyse my mental disorder to her.
Suddenly after that, I felt more in control.
Perhaps now, I can slowly learn to work around it.

My mind has been very empty.
Really.
There were times when I think I might have just 'lost' it.

My sanity.
All of it.