Through the Broken Pieces

FB story

2012-02-17T20:21:00.001+08:00

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was calculated that 1,100 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by, and a middle aged man notic...ed there was musician playing. He slowed his pace, and stopped for a few seconds, and then hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping, and continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him, but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother tagged him along, hurried, but the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally, the mother pushed hard, and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money, but continued to walk their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the most talented musicians in the world. He had just played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, on a violin worth $3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste, and priorities of people. The outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour: Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many other things are we missing?

2012-02-17T18:03:00.002+08:00

Got some sh*t by a co-worker from another department.
Then I remembered this,
So, I decided to make an effort to cheer myself up and went to the lounge during my break time.
I even muster up the courage to initiate a chit-chat with another co-worker from another department.
Both of us had only interracted on official grounds previously.
Got to know him better and found his company very enjoyable.
I came back from my break a whole different person.
The change of mood was so drastic that I recalled the South Park (the offensive cartoon) joke where Mr Garrison was so much more cheerful to his students after he had 'some'.
**still smiling to myself****
I wonder .....

2012-02-12T15:52:00.001+08:00

2012-02-12T14:58:00.001+08:00

quotes

2012-02-12T14:38:00.001+08:00

Tony Fernandes--
Talent is one thing. Being able to cope with the pressures of talent is key. Everyone needs a spine to take the pressures of life. We need a spine in QPR. We need fighters not just talent.

Suneetra Karam Singh - When you do things from the heart, you'd find that the universe will bend over backwards to help you.

2012-02-10T12:11:00.001+08:00

tumblr pics

2012-02-03T19:54:00.006+08:00

wonderful quotes I read recently

2012-01-27T16:30:00.004+08:00

"I like to be associated with strength rather than weakness and misery. But we're made up of all of these components. There's always a moment where you are deeply alone in your own skin, and it's hard to come to terms with it." - Anjelica Huston

"I want rape survivors to know that it's okay to feel shame, disgust and anger, but it's important to let go. I dance to break the chains of judgement and prejudice that hold down rape survivors like myself. I dance for freedom." - Dancer Suneetra Karam Singh

2012-01-19T19:40:00.002+08:00

There's a new student who has been routinely testing the patience from each of the staff.
Myself included, of course.
She's this soft-spoken girl who seemed to have lived in a shell all her life before coming here to study.
The questions she ask are so ridiculous that you'd think she's the 'special' type.

But the mother-figure staff is of the opinion that "some people just absorbs information differently."
Due to my respect for her,(the mother figure) I took time to digest her comment.
I am guilty that I have such low tolerance for people out of my own norm.
Haven't I been hurt before by other people's ridicule?

*Having said that, she's now asking me how to open the notes downloaded by her lecturer.
I think she's sent from above to test me if I'd pass the "SO,YOU THINK YOU'RE NICE?" reality.

2012-01-17T20:10:00.002+08:00

Father has not been well for the past weeks.
Had a few scary episodes as well.

In the hospital, saw an old uncle who gave up on life.
He's losing blood by the hours, and nobody could persuade him to do the endoscope procedure to find out why he's bleeding.
Doctors after doctors.
He kept repeating that there's no point saving his old, useless life.

Although I can understand his point of view,this act of surrender is tragically heart-wrenching.

It's scary that I might one day, choose the same path.

2012-01-06T14:39:00.001+08:00

Whenever I feel sad, I shall click on this link beautiful-libraries-around-the-world/

http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/

2012-01-04T13:36:00.000+08:00

1.Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2.Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3.Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled.
4.Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5.Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6.Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7.Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8.Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9.Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10.Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11.Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12.Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13.Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14.Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15.Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16.Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17.Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18.Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19.Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20.Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21.Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22.Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23.Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.
24.Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25.Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26.Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27.Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28.Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29.Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30.Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

2011-12-22T20:06:00.000+08:00

“No try. Do!” he says, simply.

“It takes a lot of gumption and tenacity to live the life you want to live,” says Chin. “Nothing comes easy. So if you feel you are taking a big risk in life, and throwing yourself at something you’re passionate about because you can’t imagine life without it, you’re off to a good start!”

Words to live by, for sure.

--taken from TheStar

2011-12-19T18:58:00.000+08:00

2011-12-19T18:45:00.001+08:00

2011-12-17T11:32:00.002+08:00

"I have always believed that life is a progress whereby heaven gives you something and takes away something. Some people are more fortunate than others; but no one has a perfect life. No one has a completely bad life. Those who have very little can be happy with the most insignificant things."

quote from Lindsay L. Wang, author-Dog's Daughter

FB story forwarded

2011-12-15T15:37:00.001+08:00

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some
expensive, some exquisi......te - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said:

"If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live.

Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God brews the coffee, not the cups.......... Enjoy your coffee!

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything."

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

2011-12-08T14:11:00.002+08:00

During a discussion, one of the topics were 'REGRETS'.
What would we do differently if we could turn back time?
ALL of us wished that we had been more serious in our studies.

Meaning, all of us regret that we didn't apply our fullest potential during our academic years.
Thus, we are now bearing the consequences.

Everyone of us wish we could turn back time because we always feel that we could have done better.
Isn't it just... *sigh*

.......tragic? Inevitably so...

2011-12-06T19:38:00.002+08:00

airplane pics

2011-12-05T19:59:00.003+08:00

2011-12-04T15:20:00.002+08:00

2011-12-04T14:54:00.003+08:00

There was a company retreat training programme yesterday.
Ladies only.
One of the topic was about the physical changes we hope to have.
A few ladies even broke down crying while sharing their thoughts on this topic.
I felt very surprised as these ladies have always appeared to be either very tough or very cheerful at workplace.
Who'd know they have so much insecurities in them?

2011-12-01T16:19:00.002+08:00

Oh dear, another disturbing dream.
I was at a high dark place and couldn't get down.
A friend keep telling me, "You can do it!" while directing me to the little steps which I was struggling to see in the dark.

Then, I couldn't keep up with the gym instructor.
He was teaching the class kick-boxing but nobody was moving.
Instead, all eyes were on me.
I asked the person next to me, "Why isn't anyone following the instructor but looking at me? "
"Coz you're doing it wrongly"

I felt so ashamed.

tumblr

2011-11-30T17:28:00.000+08:00

2011-11-30T10:08:00.001+08:00

2011-11-25T15:04:00.004+08:00

Library of the City of Stuttgart. Germany

My Birthday!

2011-11-24T20:48:00.000+08:00

Inspiration

2011-11-23T20:49:00.001+08:00

A lady with disability at the starting line.

2011-11-21T00:21:00.004+08:00

I was never the kind of person who would participate in marathons. An occasional stroll around the neighbourhood is all it takes to deceive myself that my body has fulfilled its exercising needs.

After a series of setbacks, I have unconsciously gained 11kg- putting myself in the overweight category. I never really bounced back from the setbacks and I allowed my weight issue to further lower my self-esteem. I have begun to be complacent about life and no longer have the vigour to perk up my lifestyle.

My sister, a marathon runner enthusiast, invited me to take part in the famous Penang Bridge International Marathon. At first, I thought she was mocking me! It was when she emailed me the registration form that I began to consider her suggestion seriously. My sister convinced me that I can just stroll the entire fun-run category while admiring the panoramically beautiful scenery the bridge promises. Just a few clicks on the mouse, and I have both registered and paid for my participation.

On the actual day, I had to wake up at 1am as my sister’s half-marathon category begins at 3.15am. As I was rubbing my eyes, I began to regret. “What have I gotten myself into?” The thought of calling the whole thing off did crossed my mind. When we finally parked the car, I saw many experienced and veteran runners warming up and eating their energy food (a term I recently learnt). I felt slightly intimidated and out of place as the crowd began to soar. But those feeling quickly faded when the drums thundered through the crowd and everyone was cheering and clapping. The joy and excitement was hysterically widespread. I proudly waved to my sister as she started her run.

My 10km fun-run started at 7am and I was already exhausted upon completing only the first 2km. I was a bit worried how I’m going to finish the rest of the run. But my spirits were immediately lifted the moment my eyes caught the magnificent view of the bridge. The sun had just rise, and many runners like me eagerly stopped and took photos. Perhaps it was due to the massive amount of endorphin pumped to my body, suddenly I decided that I want to finish the run within the qualifying time – 1.5 hours.
I began to pace my jogs and walks while checking the time on my watch. The motivation was readily available as there were many other determined runners around me, consisting the elderly and infirmed.

At the last 500 meters, many people who had already completed their earlier category were cheering at the side of the road, some even giving high-fives to encourage the runners. The euphoria at the finishing line was indescribable and I was very relieved that I was qualified for the certificate. While walking back to the car, my head was full of ideas on how to physically prepare myself for a better performance in the next year’s run. As I’m writing this, my legs still sore but my spirits remain high. This run has somewhat probed me into believing in myself that I can do better, be better. I truly believe that every runner will gain some insights about themselves or about life, when they put their determination and endurance into test.

Earlier, I joked that I signed up for this marathon just to have a feel of the previous suicidals on the bridge.
Well, when I was there, I didn't even dare to step too close to the ledge.
I looked down, and wondered to myself the extend of the horrific minds of those who jumped.

2011-11-21T00:16:00.002+08:00

##Don't get stuck in comfort zone.

If you put a frog in a pot of water and slowly turn up the heat, the frog will remain in the pot and slowly boil to death.

However, if you drop a frog in a pot that is already boiling, it will immediately leap out!

#########

I'm becoming a frog broth!

2011-11-21T00:13:00.001+08:00

"The most difficult jump is the one you have to do right after you've fallen"

-Olympic gold medal skater Scott Hamilton

i love this place

2011-11-21T00:03:00.001+08:00

I'm clear-headed each time I'm here...

2011-11-19T13:01:00.002+08:00

Peace of mind isn't just the absence of problems. Peace of mind comes from your ability to deal with issues.

It takes courage to be proactive and embrace hope instead of being reactive to depression or defeat. Being scared is what comes before courage.

"Courage is being afraid but saddling up anyway"- John Wayne.

Personal question, can you allow yourself to believe you are more than your past?

taken from The Transparent Life- Naomi Judd

2011-11-19T09:15:00.001+08:00

wow, this facebook post I found feels like it was directed specially for my blog.

‎"When you are left with nothing but BROKEN PIECES, take them, rearrange them, and make MASTERPIECES." - Unknown

great things may come your way

2011-11-17T23:43:00.001+08:00

2011-11-11T14:38:00.002+08:00

I had a weird dream.
It's one of those dreams that you'd remember though you've long awaken.

I was cycling to an unfamiliar destination, and my front tyre was puncture.
I was directed to the most unlikely place to get help.

As I resume my journey, I was at the top of a mountain without any proper road or pathway.
I was very scared but I know there was no turning back.
The weirdest part was,
the scenery was very beautiful.

I'm no dream interpreter expert, but I know this dream does indicate my current emotions

2011-11-08T14:37:00.002+08:00

My friend was going through some trouble.
Her anxiety was eerily similar to mine.
Her wise mom gave the following advice.

"What you are going through is normal. Learning process makes one fell like that but you get proficient with consistency. Quitting creates new problems."

It's very true.

2011-11-05T16:08:00.004+08:00

There was a new restaurant at workplace.
Co-workers and I were very excited to try it out.
The set meals came with F&N drinks.
I got the grape flavoured soda.

After my first sip, I suddenly recall that Fanta-Grape (old name) was my favourite drink when I was a child. (isn't weird that we can forget so much about ourselves sometimes?)
I've always loved the colour purple, so naturally I'd pick Fanta-Grape as my choice of soda.
I've stopped drinking soda when I reached my teens. (when I learned about the sugar level)
As I continue to sip the drink, I began to recollect my childhood happy 'mood'.
Afterall, as a child, I only get my sodas on festive/grand occasions.
My co-workers were amused that I was enjoying the drink so much.

Ah... Fanta-Grape.

2011-11-02T20:52:00.000+08:00

2011-11-01T19:05:00.002+08:00

The reason I love Criminal Minds so much is because I can relate to so many of the dialogs in this drama series.

Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau: ...yes, there are monsters, and it's okay to be afraid of them. But it's not okay to let them win, and it's not okay to be one.

And at the end of every episode, there will be wise quotes that somewhat sums up the entire 1-hour show.

" A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another, the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But, if these minds get out of harmony with one another, it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden. "-The Buddha

2011-10-31T16:02:00.003+08:00

It was my cousin sister's wedding lunch reception yesterday.
I've never tasted such delicious vegetarian food!
The entire 9-course meal (we're Chinese, that's why)was very satisfactory to the entire table of relatives - all 11 of us, which has never happened before.

Everyone was in good mood and chatted cheerfully - which again, has never happened before either.
Even my brother made the effort to hold a conversation with cousin brother L(someone we meet annually).
I was very surprised that my brother was willing to share his troubles with L.

L gave suggestions to my brother.
"At your own pace, try surprising yourself each day/week/month. Your emotions and mental state will slowly find its original positive state."
"For example, why don't you try serving the dishes to each separate plates to everyone?" (an act which all the other cousins had taken turn to do)

My brother did.
Much to everyone's surprise.

2011-10-29T14:53:00.000+08:00

very important reminder

2011-10-28T20:01:00.000+08:00

2011-10-28T12:57:00.005+08:00

I was inspired by a friend to play dress up. (we were all very eager trying to find ways NOT to feel depressed )
I went to the fitting room, trying out the XL outfits that were on sale.
They were very pretty and reasonably priced.

"Ha ha, for the first time, there's an advantage for being BIG!"
She shared my humor too. I absolutely love this cutting

This color is nice but doesn't show here due to the yellow lights in the fitting room. I was too shy to step out.

Felt good about myself but I didn't buy any.

Baby steps... baby steps..

This brought me back to my old post http://teasips.blogspot.com/2007/07/its-my-first-time-venturing-job.html#links

2011-10-27T20:07:00.001+08:00

2011-10-16T15:27:00.005+08:00

I have been pushing myself to go out and do things.

Yesterday, after a two-hour Facial (bought online at discounted price) , I went to O'Brien's to have their famous Tripledecker sandwich which was on 50% discount.

I was very tired when I got home but I don't regret going out.

Need to do more things.

I desperately need to 'live'...

2011-10-14T15:01:00.003+08:00

2011-10-13T19:01:00.003+08:00

This pretty bookmark was given by co-worker. She bought it on her Cameron Highlands vacation. She brought delicious strawberry chocolates to the office too.

2011-10-12T13:35:00.003+08:00

A friend bought a book for the group to read.
Something about managing anxiety and panic attacks.
I thought it was very sweet of her to have us in her thoughts while shopping for herself in a book fair.

Another friend brought chocolates for us, each individually packed with variants.
It's hard not to be impressed and touched by the thought and time put into the gifts.

My dear friends,

Thank You.

2011-10-11T19:02:00.000+08:00

2011-10-10T19:46:00.003+08:00

I was browsing the support group's attendance book.
I noticed the handwriting of a member who has stopped coming for a long time.

"He has very nice handwriting!"
The person next to me agreed.
His penmanship was really uncommonly stylish.
I began to recall his demeanour during sharing time.
He reminded me of my primary school Headmaster.
He couldn't really express himself, but you'd know that he is burdened with a heavy heart.

I continued staring at his handwriting, while silently wishing him well.

2011-10-09T15:43:00.008+08:00

2011-10-09T15:10:00.001+08:00

LOOK at the camels first and then read the message below. This is a picture taken from directly above these camels in the desert at sunset. It is considered to be one of the best pictures of the year. When you look closely, you can see that the camels are the little white lines in the picture. The black images you see are just the shadows! Sometimes, our "problems" seem to be as big as the shadows...but they are little.

2011-10-01T13:00:00.002+08:00

My co-worker confided in me about her 9-year-old nephew who is currently having problems with stress.
We were sharing coping skills that have been tried and tested, and how devastating mismanagement of unstable emotions can be.
I was very eager to share with her a real case study, a friend who was severed by mental illness but finally found his way to overcome it.
At the height of my eagerness to prove the authenticity of this story, I revealed to her that I was hospitalised in the ward before.

I don't know if I was being too trusting or simply careless.
But I do trust her.

2011-09-30T20:17:00.002+08:00

2011-09-29T19:39:00.004+08:00

““This was her life. Not the life she had once dreamed of, not a life her younger self would ever have imagined or desired, but the life she was living, with all its complexities. This was her life, built with care and attention, and it was good.””

- The Memory Keeper’s Daughter, Kim Edwards

"Don’t try to make life a mathematics problem with yourself in the center and everything coming out equal. When you’re good, bad things can still happen. And if you’re bad, you can still be lucky. "
The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver

Taken from word-collector

2011-09-29T18:55:00.002+08:00

I really like this article from TheStar Newspaper as there were many quotes that resonates within me.

“I didn’t like classical music when I was young, but now I find it the most beautiful kind of music because it harmonises one’s emotions,” he says

“Life is never a straight path. But even when you are down, you must not give up. You must struggle to overcome. I believe there is always a way and I also believe that any man can be a useful person,” he says.

The tricky bit is finding out what you are good in and trying to develop it.

“Of course, people are born with different levels of intelligence, but I think everybody is given a few opportunities in his life. And when an opportunity comes along, you must recognise it as one and grab it.”

2011-09-20T19:56:00.003+08:00

There were 11 of us having dinner.
The newcomer lady sitting in front asked,
"Erm, are all the people here... er... are they...?"
I presumptiously answered, "We don't look like it, right?"

The other person on my right was more attentive.
"You want to know if all of us are from the Depression Support Group, right? The answer is Yes"

LK

2011-09-18T15:02:00.004+08:00

LK, my dear friend.
I'm sorry that I had to end our tele-chat abruptly.
After more than an hour plus, I just couldn't listen anymore.

We met at the most unusual circumstances, we knew each other's darkest side even before we introduced ourselves.
That was 7 years ago.
7 years of friendship is hard to come by, more so for people like us.

LK, we are not healthy people.
It's a painful fact to swallow but admitting it is the first foremost important step to recovery and maintaining a decently functional life.
Until and Unless we accept and face this cruel fate, we will always be a burden to our family ,society and of course to ourselves.

I don't want to sound preachy here but I cried when I hung up.
Your condition has worsened.
You were better when we first became friends.
But you have slowly deteriorated since then.
You did make some progress with that Advertising company in Kelana Jaya, but that was it, wasn't it?
I know it's a harsh comment but I need you to know how precarious your current situation is.

On the phone, I reminded you of my own dark episodes.
You were there.
Remember how it was like listening to me?
You're doing it now.
And you have been doing it for years, sporadically.
I tolerated them, because well, you tolerated me.

My ex-colleague texted these very words to me years back when I was unwell.
"You seriously need help. Don't contact us anymore."

It still stings till today but it was a justified statement.
And now I'm saying this to you.

"Please get help. There's no shame in it. You can be better. You can do better.
And you can ALWAYS contact me. "

Tonight, I weep for both of us... and the many out there..

2011-09-15T20:38:00.003+08:00

2011-09-14T15:10:00.008+08:00

Tumblr.com pics

2011-09-13T20:23:00.006+08:00

I was on the Mangrove River Tour, Cherating last Saturday night.
The fireflies were few but just as mesmerizing.

It was so quiet.
My first time being so intimate with Nature.

I whispered to my friend, "This is ideal for meditating."
She nodded.

Everything was so still.
Peaceful.
So overwhelming that I felt out of place.
I could feel the pollutants of my troubles.
A very humbling experience indeed.

2011-09-13T20:23:00.001+08:00

2011-09-09T10:16:00.002+08:00

2011-09-07T17:26:00.000+08:00

2011-09-07T16:36:00.006+08:00

all taken from tumblr.com

2011-09-07T15:37:00.001+08:00

2011-09-05T16:54:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, misplaced memories creeps up to me just about randomly.
Without cause or reason.

I suddenly recall that I used to sing in the bathroom.
I don't anymore.

I dare not count the years since I last sang while I bathe.

2011-09-05T10:23:00.000+08:00

taken from kinkybluefairy

2011-09-03T16:36:00.001+08:00

To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~ Elbert Hubbard

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. ~ Ben Franklin

2011-09-03T13:13:00.002+08:00

This remarkable shot of a forked lightning bolt streaking through the sky behind the 1,063ft iron tower was captured by amateur photographer Bertrand Kulik. The 31-year-old from Paris – which is known as the City of Light – said: ‘The weather was dry and the sky appeared to be completely clear, but suddenly it started to thunder. ‘I quickly grabbed my camera and put it on a tripod by the window in the hope I could get an action picture – but I never thought I would get such a magnificent shot.’
Source: eatherright.tumblr.com

2011-09-02T15:28:00.002+08:00

It has been bad these couple of days.
Thank God there's HOUSE to bring meaning to my life.

I tried 'communicating' my thoughts to a friend.
I ended up almost losing her entirely.

A Lesson that needs constant reminder.

2011-08-25T20:53:00.001+08:00

the greatest darkness you can ever know.

2011-08-25T20:37:00.003+08:00

Many times, I've been asked to describe depression.
Below is taken from gemstar

The best analogy that comes to my mind is the analogy of Frodo and the Ringwraiths from the Lord of the Rings by Tolkein. After Frodo gets stabbed by the evil Nazgûl sword, when the ringwraiths (Nazgûl) are near, Frodo has an almost irrisistable urge to join them. He reaches out for them. It's a sick longing he feels, and yet he does not really want to join them. In reality he wants to fight them! But under the poison of the Nazgûl and the One Ring, he wants to die, be dead, like them. It's only when he is somewhat healed at Rivendale that he is able to see clearly again for the time being.

The feeling of suicide is like the feeling Frodo had in the story where he wants to join the Nazgûl. Of course, Frodo's friends don't want that and fight to save his life. The poison of the blade is like depression. The irrisistable urge that utter despair brings to end all good things for yourself by suicide is the same as his urge. Those of us who fight this urge find a kinship in Frodo's journey to destroy the One Ring. And we all need a friend like Sam to see us through. It's when those Sam's are missing that we have the most trouble. That is the sadness of depression, the isolation we feel that is not our fault.

We push other's away and want to deal with things on our own, but the truth is that we need others. We need our Sam.

Depression is an emotional journey into the depths of the greatest darkness you can ever know.

2011-08-25T18:03:00.001+08:00

2011-08-25T15:50:00.000+08:00

Taken from Farah Fahmy

Tahir Jahan's son was one of the three men who were deliberately run into and killed in Birmingham. It would probably be fair to say that he single-handedly defused the very tense atmosphere in Birmingham (and possibly the entire country) by saying the following when many were itching for revenge:

“I lost my son. Blacks, Asians, whites: We all live in the same community. Why do we have to kill one another? Why are we doing this? Step forward if you want to lose your sons. Otherwise, calm down and go home, please.”

2011-08-24T20:43:00.003+08:00

2011-08-24T13:11:00.001+08:00

2011-08-22T20:08:00.002+08:00

"The only thing that keeps me going, is the belief that I still can make a difference in this world. There's that one person whom I can help, even in my own smallest way - I can still make a difference."

I said that in a support group. Though it does sound like a pageantry answer, I didn't rehearse it. I didn't even know that I felt so strongly about the above words.
But one thing's for sure,
IT IS TRUE.

That's why it's important to talk about things.
We might still surprise ourselves.
When we vocalised our convictions, it becomes a promise to ourselves.

This morning,
I pledged monthly donations to Kidney Medicare Charity Fund.

2011-08-18T15:28:00.003+08:00

MOVE from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

2011-08-18T15:28:00.001+08:00

EAT from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

2011-08-18T15:26:00.001+08:00

LEARN from Rick Mereki on Vimeo.

2011-08-09T15:48:00.000+08:00

30 Books Everyone Should Read Before Their 30th Birthday

Oh uh, I've not read most of them!

2011-08-08T19:58:00.002+08:00

S = So, what are you? Buddhist? Protestant? Catholic? Tao?

Me = I'm lost.

S = * a bit annoyed* I'm serious!

I wish she could understand that that WAS a serious answer.

2011-08-06T16:12:00.003+08:00

I've always admired people who are passionate about their work, despite being weigh down by the degradation created by pompous @ss-es.

2011-08-04T19:55:00.005+08:00

It has been a very long time since I've been able to concentrate on a book.
The Housekeeper and The Professor

The Professor never really seemed to care whether we figured out the right answer to a problem.He preferred our wild, desperate guesses to silence.and he was even more delighted when those guesses led to new problems that took us beyond the original one. He had a special feeling for what he called the 'correct miscalculation,' for he believed that mistakes were often as revealing as the right answers.

...he would sit peering in as the toast browned. He was as fascinated by the toast as he was by the mathematical proofs we did together, as if the truth of the toaster were no different from that of the Pythagorean theorem.

2011-08-03T19:54:00.002+08:00

Due to my illness, I have terrible low self-esteem.
Most of the time, I try not to have eye contact with people who are difficult.
And sometimes, people tend to misconstrue this facial expression of mine.

I deal with a lot of students at my work.
About 35% of them are rude and irreverent.
Yesterday, I had one of that sort asking if I had seen his pen drive, which he had forgotten to retrieve from the computer last night.
I was on duty last night and nobody reported anything to the counter.
I asked the co-worker on morning shift, and she too said the same thing.

The brash student then left the counter with a sour face without a word of gratitude.
Today he came again with the same rude approach.
I looked at the counter drawer again and said, “No.”
He looked at me accusingly and said, “If I ever find a pen drive here, I would never return it!” and abruptly left without giving me a chance to respond.

I was of course furious.
I thought, “How presumptuous of him to judge the honesty of the staff!”

However, my co-worker who witnessed the whole incident didn’t think so.
She said, “Nah, he’s just angry that he lost his stuff. You’re over analysing it”

Is it true?

16 March 2011

2011-08-01T20:30:00.001+08:00

I had dinner with my old college friends last night. I had been very nervous about it the whole week. The last time I met up with them, I broke down in tears the moment I stepped into my car to head home.
It has been 7 years since I was first admitted to the hospital. And in these 7 years, my life was in terrible mess. Depressed, Manic, Depressed, Manic, Depressed.. and now finally a little stability in my life. Even for an unhealthy lifestyle, 7 years did wheeze by very quickly. Time waits for no man, even so for a depressed (wo)man.

In my last meet-up with my friend, I made a very inappropriate interruption when my friend W was talking. The other friend M who was listening intently snapped at me, "It's not always about you!" I quickly apologised.
But when I got home I cried buckets because I felt my social skills have gone haywire. Also, she made a very good point. For the past 7 years, my life has only been about ME and my mental illness. There was nothing else in my life. The other peers were building careers, expanding their colourful social network, in short, experiencing their youthful 20s. I , on the other hand, was merely preoccupied with my sad sad troubled mind.

As I'm writing this, I sit staring aimlessly into the air, as my memories of my past just creep by. Regardless of the chronology.

A friend called up to express her regrets of not contacting me sooner. I was very surprised that she'd feel that way. Earlier, I had messaged her ,'Thanks for your extraordinary kindness and patience during my worst of times" and was and still am confused why such message could bring about guilt? I assured her, that she has been a terrific friend. To further illustrate my point, I added, "Honestly if I were in your shoes, I would have stayed away". And I meant it.

Back when we were in college, things were simple and easy. You work hard in your studies, you get good grades. If not, you don't.
Back then, we all had equal chances in life. Our futures were bright with idealistic prospects. 7 years have passed and reality came to us in different ways. Some changed, and in my case, I was devastated by it.
We are in college no more.

2011-07-30T11:24:00.001+08:00

2011-07-29T19:53:00.001+08:00

2011-07-28T19:11:00.001+08:00

2011-07-27T20:18:00.001+08:00

2011-07-26T19:25:00.001+08:00

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”

- Lewis Benedictus Smedes

2011-07-24T13:37:00.000+08:00

2011-07-22T19:18:00.001+08:00

Harper’s Bazaar Man, Oct 2010, Dr Farish Noor’s interview,

“…in Kashmir, after the earthquake of 2005, I met an old woman in her smashed-up ruins of a house, crying as she was cooking. She was crying because that morning her eldest son died in a freak motorcycle accident. His head was crushed by a lorry and we could not identify the body. The woman was crying but she still had to cook for her other children; life had to go on, despite the earthquake that destroyed her home and ruined their lives. That taught me the power of the human spirit and of its capacity to cope with tragedy. Till today, I think of this woman and how much more she has suffered. That usually shuts me up and tells me to just endure and get on with things.”

2011-07-21T12:35:00.000+08:00

Jiaozhou Bay Bridge, World's Longest Cross-Sea Bridge. Photo courtesy of AP

2011-07-21T12:09:00.003+08:00

From a forwarded email.....
This is amazing, he died of pancreatic cancer in 2008, but wrote a book The Last Lecture before then, one of the bestsellers in 2007.

In a letter to his wife Jai and his children, Dylan, Logan , and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful "guide to a better life" for his wife and children to follow.

POINTS ON HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE
Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't overdo; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/ her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Community:
15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. However good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD, you will always be happy. So, be happy.

2011-07-20T11:41:00.002+08:00

Corey, I Never Knew I Had A Choice, pg 354

Unlike loneliness, solitude is something that we choose for ourselves. In solitude, we make time to be ourselves, to discover who we are, and to renew ourselves. In her beautiful poetic book Gift From the Sea, Lindbergh describes her own need to get away by herself to find her center, to simplify her life, and to nourish herself so that she could give to others again.

2011-07-15T20:39:00.001+08:00

2011-07-15T12:57:00.003+08:00

Taken in my good mood ages ago and had forgotten about them until recently.